Last week’s indecisive result -– two votes each for
separate pieces for Patricia and Perry, and one for me – was an illustration of
how hard it is to pick a single winner from the week’s invariably excellent
selection. This week was no exception but I found myself attracted to the
gritty urban, in particular that of Jk’s
untitled Roadie piece and Rie’s ‘The Proposition’ and declare these joint winners.
Additional thanks go to all of you who commented and also to Patricia who sent me searching for my Bob Seeger CD - now playing.
Additional thanks go to all of you who commented and also to Patricia who sent me searching for my Bob Seeger CD - now playing.
Words for next week: aphrodisiac chew gauze
Entries
by midnight Thursday 18th May, words
and winners posted on Friday 19th
Usual rules: 100 words maximum
(excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above
in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction
is, as always, welcome. All variants and use of the words and stems are fine.
Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever
social media you prefer.
Congrats Rie and JK; well deserved praise.
ReplyDelete***
Blue Wisdom
Sondra Paige Lamar gingerly removed the bloodied wads from her toothless pits and inserted fresh rolls of gauze. She popped a Vicodin and skulked downstairs to stir her broth. Bits of soggy vegetables swirled in the meager wake. Her brother came in, the door bumping against the wall. He set a rotisserie chicken on the table, fresh from the deli and the heavenly odor sent aphrodisiac stabbings to her stomach.
“Oh,’ he said. “I forgot you can’t chew.”
From an open drawer, the butcher knife twinkled in the twilight. Surely it would be deemed justifiable.
intriguing :) it makes me wonder if the brother was responsible for the toothless pits, or an innocent caught up in something
DeleteFor Rie and JK,🥂🎉 for their excellent stories.
DeleteLoved the description of her stirring the broth. A very interesting use of aphrodisiac but I get it. He's probably just absent minded but could be absent life very soon.
DeleteBeing more than a little squeamish about teeth I found this horrific long before I reached the final line. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and enjoying how you've straightforwardly inserted the prompts yet made them interesting.
DeleteThat's apparently a common dream that, so it immediately made me uncomfortable - which is a great start for a vignette imo. I was bombarded with inner questions with the who, what where why etc., but they sat patiently and obediently as the scene unfolded.
DeleteI too loved the "soggy vegetables swirling in the meager wake" phrase and was with you in the metaphoric "aphrodisiac stabbings". I just didn't get - in the confined text - why those should progress to an actual stabbing, but allow for potential back-story.
The twilight reference, however, threw me entirely. Indoors surely, what with her having "skulked downstairs"?
fairly justifiable :)
DeleteVery interesting interaction between the two characters, with my mind scrabbling at all sorts of dark reasons why she'd consider the knife.
Deletethis is the kind of writing I try to explain to newbies (she says having received and rejected three very bad stories from a newbie in the space of an hour) it's all there, we're wondering why, what, when, who, without it being spelled out for us. I think we also know she has more than one reason to grab the knife and use it, but what it is we have to speculate -for now. That's the art of writing and John's capturing it well.
DeleteOw...this made my jaw ache. How wonderfully put together. Magnificent descriptions and frankly, no jury in the world would find a knife incident anything other than pure justification.
DeleteUnexpected visitors [Threshold 163]
ReplyDeleteDeath as aphrodisiac a well-known phenomenon and there’d been death enough to account for the past two days. Having now to force muscles weak as well-chewed string to what I feared was necessary action came hard and Raven equally reluctant to leave our bed.
‘Who –?’ I asked.
His reply – voice gauzed as mine with returning to everyday banality – came from a window out of sight of the door on which whoever had arrived would soon be hammering. ‘Impossible to see –‘
‘Who knows we’re here?’
‘Enough ill-intentioned folk. Or other less so –’
‘Which?’
They answered before he did.
I love this - the sense of dizzily returning to the present is palpable
DeleteA simplistic yet well set scene. How many is enough? You melted the prompts into the piece rather well.
DeleteAnd the ongoing saga does not disappoint in eclipsing the prompt words so as to be merely part of the wondrous weave. Passion to suspense in 100 words. No mean feat. Loved the gauzed voices - perfect description.
Deletewell chewed string indeed :)
DeleteLots of excellent phrasing! Loved 'muscles weak as well-chewed string' and 'voice gauzed'.
Deletetis good when there is lots to like - my problem is there is lots to like every week so I run out of superlatives...
DeleteMy goodness, this was sharp. I had to go back and reread a couple of times in order to take it all in. Magnificent use of the prompts.
DeleteAMBUSH
ReplyDeleteColm’s eyes had barely adjusted to off-colour daylight when a roller of squealing rats crashed upon them.
They had no time to draw weapons … but the deadly tide seethed around the family’s mismatched boots and gauzed trainers, seeming to drain into the darkness of tributary tunnels.
“Ambush!” Finbar hissed warning trailed off as the expected attack lapped at uppers as harmlessly as beach surf of Beforelife.
Colm’s gaze lifted from the apparent rout to meet the eyes of Sally, a once-neighbour girl, and chewed on the aphrodisiac buzz of passed danger.
Their eyes met.
She smiled slyly.
He hardened.
Tough tale and well-inserted prompts.
DeleteIt might not be a princess being rescued from a dragon but the reward appears that it'll be the same.Nice prompt use. I liked off-colour daylight.
Deletebit off more than he can chew eh? :)
DeleteA fast, engaging scene. Loved the phrase 'chewed on the aphrodisiac buzz of passed danger'.
DeleteA picture in words. This was a vivid piece and those last three lines were inspiring.
DeleteInterview with a concubine
ReplyDeleteOh, sweetie, don't go getting gauzy eyed at the trappings!
Gold digger is a misnomer, digging sounds like simple, earthy, honest work. Power might be an aphrodisiac but it sure needs to be, seeing as it's old men who have it all. Honey, I just wasn't in the queue for digging muscles when I was birthed!
I think it's harder work, what I do. Pretending to love that disgusting, bigoted sack of... well, I won't say. Mind you, Annie has to chew the food for her husband, he's ninety three, you know.
More champagne? Everything goes when he does.
Oh - the tone of this overwhelmingly delightful, floating high above the nastiness of pre-chewed food.
DeleteThe history of love. Meant for the poor and pets of the rich. A very nice piece and one that could become a series. As many options and there are meanings here.
DeleteLoved the narrator's voice in this, offering us up a story as she pours more champagne.
Deleteit's that talking to the impersonal listener than I am trying to capture in a YA novel right now, I'm busy taking lessons from this great piece.
DeleteLoved the almost nonchalant feel of this. So many engaging phrases that it's hard to choose just one, but a "disgusting, bigoted sack of..." is surely difficult to beat.
DeleteThank you all for the feedback. It's great to go trying on voices and see how they work!
DeleteLights Out
ReplyDeleteFor a few seconds, eyes retain awareness even as Death lowers the gauze curtain. Watching sensibility ebb is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
But now, for the best part.
Time to chew the fat.
Short and scary! Love the gauze curtain 😁
DeleteYeeugh ... you've done it again Patricia. Both a kick in the gut deliverance and a reminder never to accept any invitation to share a meal, not with you or several other Prediction participants.
DeleteBravissimo, signora!
DeleteDeath having a "gauze" curtain would be an excellent conversation piece on its own, primed for debate, and I do so appreciate the zoological use of "sensibility" over the Austen-esque.
DeleteShort, perfect, with much to chew on! Excellent final line.
Deleteclever! and horrifying at the same time.
DeleteNicely done Rie and JK. What an honour to take top spots during a week of such inspired writing. Consider my hat (if I wore one) to be well and truly tipped.
ReplyDeleteAn honour indeed, and an impetus to keep writing & getting informed feedback from everyone here!
DeleteThis is my homework and a thank you.
ReplyDeleteFuture Days of the Past
David Star, Kandar’s spy master, was bringing his find to Lord Marshall Kalvan. The orcish cesspit of Kal-Zathra was dying. The stench was such that scented gauze didn’t fully solve.
“Well,” said Kalvan.
“Three babes, a priestess, with a libram; were hiding at the temple. Chew on this, it’s written in elvish and orcish, alternating pages; death or slavery?”
“Interesting, a puzzle like that would be an aphrodisiac for you. I’ll not kill or condemn to slavery, toddlers. Two are human. Priestess, tell me about the book, for a clean death.”
“It tells the future of my people.”
“Thanks.” snickersnack.
Convoluted, scene-setting conversation and nice use of gauze.
DeleteAlthough Tolkien reached into the 16th century for "orc", it always seems as if he stamped an eternal copyright on it, which is annoying for we writers who find "ogre" overused and seek alternatives.
DeleteThe use of scented gauze really hit home with me. There was so much wayward CS gas during riots concentrate throughout the topographical basin of Derry that every family had to keep a vinegar soaked cloth handy to revive children playing in streets miles away from the ruckus.
I'm afraid the dialogue lost me, as confusing as being hit by a cs laden gust.
This is an event in the past of my series, a prophecy of sorts. I derive orcs from the following. Orcus was an Estrusian god of the underworld, so his followers would be called orcs.
DeleteThe snickersnack is the easiest I could come up with for the priestesses head being cut off.
Ha! ' snickersnack' a complete unknown to me - all I could think of was the eating of a chocolate bar! I admit I am equally ignorant of the underworld, though do know you're not talking of whales.
DeleteThis might help.
Deletehttps://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vorpal_sword
You've presented an interesting world here, which has set off my imagination. :) I agree with Sandra, enjoyed your use of gauze.
DeleteBeautifully mysterious in many ways. This was an excellent piece. As already mentioned the use of "scented gauze" was a wonderful addition to the ambience.
DeleteA CHUCKLE ON YOUR REVIVAL
ReplyDeleteFTAO Abigail Disney
My friend couldn’t inspire desire if he was an aphrodisiac. His vocabulary is monosyllablic and he chews punctuation to an ugly pulp. He’d no interest in creative writing, so that was fine.
Then some social-network acquaintance with gauze for brains encouraged him to enter an online writing competition.
As arranged, her ‘friends’ voted him winner. He’s been deluded since.
Why should that bother you in your cryochamber?
Well, he’d read about you being the odds-on favourite for the Nobel the year you … procrastinated??
He’s talking about being there to challenge when you’re defrosted in 2317.
Card marked.
You pose many questions in this vignette. Having this take place between a person in cryo and one who isn't is a great idea. Be interesting if the one in cryo could respond.
DeleteChilling tale and inventive use of prompt words - I like the chewed punctuation.
DeleteLots of lovely phrasing throughout - 'chews punctuation to an ugly pulp' and 'gauze for brains' my favorites.
DeleteThis seems to almost be a personal observation. Certainly captured my interest from the get-go. Great last line too.
DeleteThe Lover
ReplyDelete"I like you telling me how you feel," he said.
His attention was the sweetest aphrodisiac, his gaze on me chewing through all sense and exposing my emotions, flapping like Nepalese prayer flags.
"I feel..." I stammer.
"You are too tongue-tied to tell me!" and he smiles hypnotically.
And that is the problem. I feel. Logic has become so much gauze on the wind. I feel.
He's not a true narcissist, he craves external attention too. We are a matching pair, twined waterspouts, spiralling. We jump into the enchanted pool, and the ripples converge upon us, over us.
A most unusual description of love, very well described. I enjoyed how you used the prompts. This was an enjoyable read.
DeleteTotally enchanted by the 'Nepalese prayer flags'.
DeleteVery exotic - oriental in style, like an extended senyru.
DeleteBeautiful and poetic. Loved the Nepalese prayer flags, and 'logic has become so much gauze on the wind'. Lots of lovely phrasing!
DeleteIt's tough finding new similes, yet you do it so effortlessly!
DeleteA lovely weaving of words into a captivating image. So much to comment upon here that it would encompass virtually the entire piece. So, suffice to say...excellent.
DeleteKursaal (Episode Seventy) -- "Peeping Lenny"
ReplyDeleteLenny Jester maintained a meticulous record of the Kursaal's activities, most stimulating being sexual escapades of Arbuthnot, his younger brother. Secondhand aphrodisiacs were better than nothing.
Of late, however, Lenny had not seen hide nor hair of Hilda Pickett, Arby's elderly inamorata and the dwarf's fanatical stalker. Interrogation of Arby rendered no joy so Lenny decided to visit the source.
He found her sprawled upon the chaise-lounge wearing a negligee of see-through gauze, erotic image shattered by pink flannel knickers and cotton vest. She cradled a box of chocolate caramel chews to her bosom and appeared not to be breathing.
---------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
My goodness Patricia, you've created something nightmareishly horrible here! Excellent!
DeleteAn enticing tidbit of masterly description. And I love encountering new words. "inamorata" - elegant.
DeleteI also love the way you shake the snowglobe of the reader's perception.
what an image you've conjured here! A typical 'old lady' underneath the negligee... a warning to those of us who are officially old not to that route - too horrendous for words, as is that imagery!
DeleteEwww... from the image of Kenny keeping notes tof the chocolate tainted end, this oozes dis-ease
DeleteSo, does life end with a box of chocolates? An enjoyable story with good use of the prompts.
ReplyDeleteKandar 10:I Wouldn't Want to be Like You
ReplyDelete“Dear, we’ve business to conduct.” Devon and Angus went upstairs.
Rhylana went to the musty cellar, twisted a sconce, a section of wall lowered. Philus was on a bed, his left side wrapped in gauze. I sat on a stool and smelled an aphrodisiac’s aroma yarrow chew stalks? Rhylana!
“Philas, we’ll get you fixed up. What did the mage tell you?”
Philus groaned “Sorry Ux but I’m just a one armed bandit now. As for what he said; Keep the purse for sending me the best thief in this city, send me Uxator! I’ll take the arm for your ineptitude.”
I'm glad that you are enjoying this series, Perry. Perhaps noticed would've been a better choice than smelled and I probably should've had three dots before I started the thought sequence.
DeleteI got a little confused with so many characters, but a couple of read-throughs set me straight. I like the way you've incorporated the prompt words here. Nicely done.
DeleteI find it really difficult to get my head around writing serials with the prompt words not "fitting" what I think is the next instalment, so hats off to you (& others) for that.
DeleteIf I may, you could have cut the first sentence as it doesn't seem to be integral to this bit? Would have given you some more words to play with...
Thanks for the suggestion Jk. Though I'm writing a story, it's done through vignettes and I don't alwas need to start where the last one ended. My thanks for all your comments and that it's an enjoyable read.
Delete"I sat on a stool and smelled an aphrodisiac’s aroma yarrow chew stalks? Rhylana!" Confuses me and the subject.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise this was a great continuance from the last excerpt.
XD
DeleteChange of focus [235]
ReplyDeleteIt was Aleks’ laptop that was seized. Turned and tilted so far as to show eyebrows meeting like caterpillars afflicted by an aphrodisiac of overwhelming proportion below a buckled cliff surmounted by thick vegetation.
A voice matured by daily chewing masonry nails addressed Pettinger by his childhood name: ‘Yanno? You don’t know me?’
Through the grubby gauze of memory came an inkling of recollection. Gruff, from tentative relief, ‘Not from grey hair and wrinkles. Tip the screen so I can see your face.’
Aleks’ voice gave further instruction.
And a long-obliterated memory of painful proportion came rushing to the fore.
The gruby gauze of memory is an awesome use of the prompt. This enjoyable series is continuing in a strong manner.
Deleterushing to the fore. nice touch :)
DeleteThis serialization just keeps getting better. Dying to know who owns that "voice matured by daily chewing masonry nails." How do you manage to come up with such innovative descriptions?
DeleteBig grin of appreciation. The only thing which hindered enjoyment was the matter of larvae being affected by aphrodisiacs. I'm restraining my self from going out to the fields and experimenting with Lynx Africa.
ReplyDeleteIt's artistic licence, Perry! And I'd expect you to have a better appreciation of that than my husband who pointed out that caterpillars aren't sexually mature and therefore aphrodisiacs wouldn't have any effect.
DeleteOh I got that, Sandra and likened it to the advert for cookery matchmaking where the guy plays kissy with two dead prawns (again illogical but we do those things).
DeleteI said it hindered my enjoyment, not crippled it - hence the big grin at the start.
The pedantic side of the brain niggles and scolds the poetic side at times. Trees don't actually sing but I'd not hesitate to say they do in a poem if it fits the thematic metaphor.
Mr Pedant Brain didn't balk at chewing masonry nails. He just takes notions to annoy my creative head when I'm not looking. I never know what he'll determine as a literary burr. It doesn't take away from the imagery, just my uninterrupted enjoyment of it.
Perry, methinks your Mr Pedant Brain needs banning altogether from Prediction, or at least gagging when it comes to commenting on others' words, because he's detracting from what's intended as the simple enjoyment of responding to a challenge and reading others' offerings.
DeleteI don't think Prediction Fiction was ever intended to be a place for critique, hence my unhappiness a few weeks ago with Antonia's seizing upon dangling participles. The hope - and my own experience - tells me that people learn by observation, by pausing before posting to make absolutely sure it's the best that it can be.
Really? Probably best you insert that veto into the rules in case anyone else thinks they're being helpful by sharing their experience.
DeleteI read the "unhappiness" about danging participles as being about inaccuracy of advice - as opposed to domestic resonance - same being quite acceptable these days.
Sadly, while very appreciative of the undeniable quality on show here, I'm not into vacuous back-slapping, so BYE.
Perry, there is a middle line between critique that makes some uncomfortable about posting their efforts and 'vacuous back-slapping' which I'd call encouragement of those with sensitivity enough to know their limits and to appreciate and learn from the skills of others.
DeleteI doubt I'm the only one who'd regret not reading your often breath-taking writing, so I hope you reconsider your departure.
The dangling participle discussion was initially a query about definition but one that seemed to bleed into comments on typos and thence appeared to give permission for further critique.
Perry, you are one heck of a writer. For me, your critiques, though helpful were unexpected and with one this week, I felt over the line.
DeleteAs for backslapping. When I taught school, students learn from all kinds of situations, but not in all of them.
When I joined Prediction, I was a C student in the A+ class, now I'm the B student.
I've received some scathing critiques from Antonia and Patricia, yet it was when I expected and accepted that probability. Positive reinforcement is also a learning tool.
I would like you to stay as well, just step back a little. I've learned from your stories and style.
I would also like to add my voice to the encouragement to stay. You are a creative and imaginative writer, Perry. One who is talented and I believe we could learn much from your examples, as we can from all the contributors here.
DeleteHousebound
ReplyDeleteThe curtains, not net but fine-woven gauze, smelled dirty, like old coins. Over-long they hung from ceiling to floor, gathering dust and black along the crease. More so in the corners where he stood less frequently since there was nothing to be gained in the way of extra view.
From here, the fourteenth floor, the traffic appeared static; worse than the chewy which, on his return, merely sent him to the whisky, delaying and sometimes rendering him unconscious before he remembered he liked best to use me for what he’d paid for: to demonstrate the alchemy of frustration becoming aphrodisiac.
Why is the image I have in my mind of a modern day beast in his castle?
DeleteThe alchemy of frustration is a very good phrase.
I haven't a clue Jeffrey - I was thinking imprisoned trafficked female in a high-rise block of city flats.
DeleteHigh rise could be a tower, Simon & Grafunkle's I am a Rock. Still very enjoyable.
Deletethere's a lot to pick apart here and develop into something longer, think about it?
DeleteAnd there's that amazing descriptive talent again..."smelled dirty, like old coins." So perfect.
DeleteA killer final line!
DeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 96-In The Bag
ReplyDeleteAlice loved the embroidered satchel made for her by the kind lady on the upper storey of the Sanitarium. The bag held an abundance of things:
Gauze sachets of catnip, the feline aphrodisiac. All Alice knew was it sent Marmalade into blissful frenzy, rolling head-over-tail;
Wrigley's spearmint gum. Miss Constance did not approve..."Ladies do not smack lips like cows chewing cud, Alice";
Game counters, four queens from a deck of cards and an assortment of other objects.
Despite frequently added items, there was always room aplenty.
Alice never questioned from whence these new things came...or how they got there.
--------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
A feline aphrodisiac - how clever - and mystery in the bag as well. Nice.
DeleteA most beautiful use of prompts and the question of why or how Marmalade would collect the 4 Queens?
DeleteWell, the four queens are in the satchel, which belongs to Alice so, strictly speaking, Marmalade doesn't have them in his possession...although I'm sure he'd have no compunction about pilfering them if he felt so inclined...!!! Marmalade is a most unscrupulous feline.
Deletemy felines go scatty mad for catnip, lovely imagery here of Marmalade rolling over and over when smelling it. Nice intriguing instalment altogether.
DeleteMoments in Time
ReplyDeleteOur minds sight, is beyond that of
Painters, calligraphers for pages, and stonemasons block.
That beauty is through gauze veiled eyes.
Our mind is a camera, always recording.
Restoring a memory of a lover past,
The aphrodisiac taste of your favorite meal,
A good friends calming voice, when depressed,
Those moments in time, our mind slows down so,
That images stored for when events chew us up.
Can heal the mind, restore the soul, repair the body.
To enjoy its journey through the moments in time,
A series of dots, our mind connects,
Into a movie called life.
point to point in time
DeleteGhostrunner;
DeleteIn what context do you mean point to point? To replace the phrase; A series of dots?
This was quite delicately lovely. I like the thread of pictures and cameras and images...and, of course, memories. Moments in Time indeed. We all have them and they should be cherished.
Delete"And lo, the Chews did leave for the promised land," Michael penned carefully across the gauze like parchment.
ReplyDeleteHe paused.
"Chews?" He asked himself incredulously, then screamed in frustration and shredded his work with wild eyed abandon.
Down the hall beyond the study Helen rolled her eyes and went back to seducing the gardener, having long gone past the point being married to a world famous Calligrapher was an aphrodisiac...
This so perfectly illustrates the joy of this site - a tale built around a calligraphic error - and Helen the perfect foil.
Deletethank you :)
Deletecouldn't see where that was going, always a good sign of a well thought out entry!
DeleteOh! What a great little vignette, I love that he's shredding with wild abandon!
Deletethank you Antonia and jk :)
DeleteBeautifully composed. Even at the end, I was, "huh?" until I said "chews" out loud. How clever and indisputably witty. Lovely little tale.
DeleteA very nice tale, you blended the prompts in to make the story, not just be used in it.
ReplyDeletethank you :)
DeleteMist
ReplyDeleteMustard yellow flowers covered the hill, slowly devouring the few remnants of needle-straight grass that had survived the corrosive rain. Jahvor liked to chew the spiky blossoms, claiming some use as an aphrodisiac, but Eliedor, watching pulp drip from his teeth, seriously doubted its effectiveness.
“What we doing here, boss,” he said, voice about as pleasant as an insect’s drone, deep in your ear.
Eliedor raised one gauze-wrapped hand skyward. “Investigating a body dump.”
“I don’t see any—“
There was a whine high above, then Jahvor’s surprised scream, as a corpse slammed into the ground, misting everything in red.
Good to see you again Zaiure - and with another beautifully-worded tale of total nastiness; Jahvor not the only one surprised.
DeleteThanks Sandra! Fun to find time to play again. :)
Deleteit's fun/gore/blood and nastiness time when Zaiure comes out to play and it's 'rubbing hands together in glee' time too!
DeleteDripping pulp how cinematic. Couple that with fantastic names and use of prompts. Welcome back Zaiure.
Deletethat... was awesome :D
DeleteLoved it, effortlessly building a story, wonderful pacing and phrasing; and as Antonia says fun too
DeleteOh, Zaire, your submissions are always such a joy. We have missed you. Don't stay away so long in future.
DeleteThe Mad Italian 5:
ReplyDeleteYou see history through a mist, a gauze; a veil of nothingness yet you see nothing. You are excited by secret societies but would not want to be part of one, yes? Or is the deep buried you, the part which has not grown up, chewing its way through to find the mysteries of such societies? I ask, is the mere thought of being able to say ‘I belong to the Illuminati’ an aphrodisiac by itself? There is nothing to stop you, or is there a fear of ‘being involved’? Would you prefer to stand outside and gaze wistfully in?
This Mad Italian follows a very thoughtful, grown-up pathm ever thought-provoking,
DeleteA most beautiful story, though the thought of Antonia's shop being a fromt for the Skulls, Illuminati, or other is a bit troubling.
DeleteReally enjoyed how the prompts were like connectors in this vignette. Well done.
to increase ones knowledge is to increase ones suffering. I'm already resentful of the things I've had to learn ~_^
DeleteI am amazed at the very different voice of the Mad Italian from that of our seafaring Captain. It's almost like it's being written by an entirely different person...but then again, I suppose it really is. Love the questioning aspect of this.
DeleteThe Offer
ReplyDeleteJust inside my office her trenchcoat swung open. Underneath silk, maybe gauze. It wasn't hiding anything.
"They say you're the go-to guy when a girl needs help."
"They do? Don't believe everything you hear."
A quiver at the edge of her mouth, calculated to play on my emotions, and be an aphrodisiac.
"I don't... I haven't got money. I'm desperate." The coat opened further.
"It's business, lady. Gotta keep the lights on."
Coat closed, door slammed.
She had me until I realized her beauty was flawed. I can take almost anything, but a girl chewing gum, that goes too far.
Oh, Bill! Genuine inelegant cackle of laughter from me! A truly brilliant set up.
DeleteVery nicely written, humorous and well placed prompts.
Deleteso good, Bill, such a twist there!
DeleteAnd how I've missed these little scenarios you put together with such skill. Easy to picture the scene taking place up there in black-and-white celluloid with a Robert Mitchum type in the leading role. Great clincher.
DeleteHorror, despite some of my earlier and rushed stories, is a genre I've little experience and skill with. So, this is me branching out.
ReplyDeleteWOOLEY SWAMP
Darion and Amanda were strenuously testing the shocks of Darion’s convertible, from the back seat. The Moon filed night sky was the newly engaged couples aphrodisiac. The legend of Woolly Swamp hadn't entered either of their minds. The ring on Amanda's finger, the only thing adorning her body, or Darion's for that matter.
It approached and saw that which would provide nourishment. Seaweed hanging like tinsel gauze from its body. A suckered hand grabbed each head. Surgical sharp needle proboscis sank into the skulls and beyond. Their muffled screams silenced quickly. His mouth started chewing as he enjoyed the meal.
Nice attempt there, Jeffrey. I would urge you to slow down a little and reread. Felt a bit rushed in places and could use some tightening up. But, on the whole, a very worthy venture in the world of horror.
Deletenot a bad attempt, Jeffrey, keep working at it...
ReplyDeleteBTW, what made you think Leonardo was referring to my shop? I read it three times and nowhere did it mention The Old Curiosity Shop or me!!!!
Sorry, I didn't mean that Leonardo was referring to your shop, I was as it would be a very good location to hide something in plain sight.
DeleteOK, I park in the road parallel to the one where the shop is located. Between parking the car and unlocking the shop door, this arrived full blown in my mind...
ReplyDeleteEnjoyment
Is there a finer aphrodisiac than this:
A warm summer breeze
Gauze-like clouds drifting across a full moon
The sound of nocturnal wildlife trying to compete for that which sustains them
The far off wail of the midnight train carrying lonely souls to lonely destinations
And here, in this copse, the rustle of clothing and the hint of a sigh as I chew my way through the fattened limb of an overweight teen who should never have ventured out alone. Did she not know the werewolves were about?
The impact of that long sentence after the several short ones is beautifully well-judged. And I love the 'far off wail;.
DeleteAn excellent story and to me a but of irony that lonely souls to loney destinations just might be why she was out.
DeleteThe way you were able to set the scene with ambiance, like a dinner table.
Great composition and what a kicker of an ending. Nice to see you return with such an excellent stand-alone.
DeleteThis is terribly late, but I wanted to post it anyways. I'll do better next week.
ReplyDeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #77
Deadly, but Obviously Well Balanced
Georgiana told me all about her recent experiments in concealing poisons within aphrodisiacs. She introduced me to her partner in this scheme, Jamie, the most friendly mob queen I’ve ever met. Some of these experiments were less than successful, as evidenced by the gauze adorning Jamie’s right arm and chin. She spent the dinner bemoaning her inability to chew the bakery's famously, and deliciously, crusty sourdough. She’ll be off adding to the bruises of those particular enemies tomorrow, before they try for greater revenge. In their defense, she poisoned them first; in her defense, they had orders to kill her.
Possibly the best title ever and yet another example of your wonderfully-inventive mind.
DeleteA friendly mob queen is an oxymoron, though it does have a quaint sound. This was a very well written if late entry that I hope others are able to read.
ReplyDeleteYour stories have always been enjoyable, entertaining and on the believable side. Foing this one all in narration is hard but successful.