A couple of weeks ago I read Jilly
Coopers latest bonk-buster, the style of which has answered a question I’ve
pondered from time to time. Each episode of the serials I post here are
intense, tight-written and aim to have a punch-line every hundred words. My novels
are much slower-paced and at times I’ve wondered whether as a result they are inferior. But the breathless intensity
of Jilly has reassured me; a collection of Prediction episodes might not be a very
comfortable read.
Words
for next week: bundle truth vindaloo
Entries
by midnight Thursday 11th May, new
words and winners posted on Friday 12th
I still believed in the music, though the truth be told, I was heartily fed up of the touring life. Neil's vindaloo sour vocals sounded great overlaying my growling guitar, but a lot less pleasing when whining at the roadies in the morning. The pulsing energy of the night now name checked in a hangover throb.
ReplyDeleteDiscarded beer cans rattled along the aisle of the tour bus and bundled under my bunk.
Three gigs in the next city, Port Freedom. Again, I promise myself to stash the guitar in a locker and slip out on the tide.
Nice air of melancholy mired in self-knowledge here. And smoothly inserted prompts.
DeleteInteresting metaphors in a clever little reverie a little marred by the unconvincing tense-shift at the end.
DeleteDrudgery, comes to mind here. Hard work, long nights, short days with little reward and no light at the end. Al well presented and with good prompt use.
DeletePerry - that final sentence convinces me; my reading is that it provides the thrust to what went before.
DeleteI can see that step forward,Sandra, it's the "Neil's vindaloo sour vocals sounded great..."; "The pulsing energy of the night now name checked..."; "Discarded beer cans rattled..." and the " Again, I promise myself..." tense jumps which threw me. A new paragraph would be enough to rectify.
DeleteI did say it was a "little" marred. Nothing serious, just a marking of the card.
Perry, I was about to ask what you found so unconvincing but you've answered, I think...
DeleteThere was intended to be a paragraph break there, but, my bad, I missed it when typing this out on my phone
The tense change didn't bother me in the least. It set up what was to come. :) Loved the piece.
Deletecold stark portrayal of life on the road, excellent.
DeleteVery introspective piece with a definite melancholy air. Reminded me of Bob Seeger's "Turn The Page." Many different ways to take that final phrase.
DeleteTakes two to tango
ReplyDeleteGarlic breath and vindaloo-derived stomach-gurgles undoubtedly a counter-indicator to a night of passion, even had I believed his claim of a magnificence of other attributes. (Such claims, from experience, I had learnt to divide by two or even three to come somewhere near the truth.)
Yet his conversation was stimulating, his sense of humour (from whence derived his self-promotion) on a par with mine. So we had reached the door of my apartment before I finally decided ‘No’. Whereupon he proved himself much the faster at bundling fake civility out of sight. To reveal a knife more magnificent than mine.
Powerful bit of what might be considered S&M noir where the prompts fade into the narrative as they should. Another victory.
Deletesetting of the scene, nicely done. The prompts flowed with the story and yes is the knife doubled edged?
DeleteI like the potential interpretations of revealing the knives at the end :)
DeleteInteresting piece. I find myself wondering who will win. :)
Deletea tricky situation resolved by the wrong person... good one.
DeleteThese types of tales from your talented pen are always intriguing and so well put together. A "claim of a magnificence of other attributes" conjures quite a picture.
DeleteLesson Learned
ReplyDeleteThat afternoon in Economics, Mary became versed in the benefit to consumers of bundling services. In truth, however, she found the whole process boring and now wished she'd chosen something in the Humanities.
Still, her mother's new supper recipe of vindaloo, complete with a marinade of authentic spices, was delicious and really brightened Mary's day.
Until she realized her little lamb was missing.
Oh ... truly wicked, Patricia.
DeleteThat is so deliciously wicked, I laughed so loud Mrs D jumped out of her skin.
DeleteLove the sardonic humour and what I think is a pun at the end (I could be missing something), but found myself scratching my head at the differentiation between "authentic spices" and ordinary ones. Is this a reference to faux-vindaloo perhaps chucked at drunkards who know no better.
DeleteHaving been one on occasion, I ... um ... know no better. ;)
It took several readings before I realized the cast of characters. Then I was able to fully appreciate the black sheep aspect, hidden prompts, humor and how well written this is.
DeleteAs William mentions, a lovely chuckle at the last line!
DeleteVinha d'ahlos originated as meat marinated in garlic and wine; but has been adopted and adapted into so many different versions I'm not sure how (or why) you would classify something as faux-vindaloo?
It was a question, Jk, based on the defining phrase "authentic spices" ... suggesting there were ones not authentic.
DeleteBut there are non-authentic spices! Or, at least, folk who claim what they offer is genuine, locally-sourced - the substitution of turmeric for saffron for example - which those who are beginners will not be able to differentiate between.
DeleteBut, as was discussed last week, these posts here are intended to entertain the reader as well as exercise the writing muscles of the writer, and part of the entertainment is having one's mind stretched in unanticipated directions, sometimes requiring a leap across a gap in one's expectations.
Which is why it's great to have a question actually answered.
DeleteOn reflection, perhaps "traditional" would have been a better choice instead of "authentic." But I really hate to dissect this too much. I'm with Sandra in that my aim here is to hopefully entertain.
DeletePoor little lamb...
Deletevery clever, a lovely twist on the old tale.
DeleteSad Song
ReplyDeleteAll I did was assure her the pork vindaloo wasn’t spicy hot. I pictured her laughing it off after she went running to the kitchen for the carton of milk. Truth be told, we were headed this way before the prank, long before. Funny how people keep things bottled up until something causes the floodgates to burst. The dog sits between my suitcase and a bundle of shoes by the door. It was the first time the mutt ever heard a cross word. If he only knew what was brewing after I tell her he’s coming with me.
Great little bit of reflection on relationships with a warm dry humour. Enjoyable.
DeleteI read this as resignation underpinned by determination, a colourful musing on a banal situation, laconically described.
DeleteThe dark noir grist mill rotates onward. Good use of prompts an enjoyable story and a cliffhanger.
DeleteA touch of caveat utilitor!
DeleteSaucy little piece...
Deletecharacter study in 100 words - so much to be read into it.
DeleteSuch vivid images here. I love the one of the dog sitting between the suitcase and shoes. I found the prompts words to blend so well as to be virtually seamless.
DeleteHOSPITALITY TEST
ReplyDeleteHe claimed the end of the bar, his dialogue as standard as vindaloo after a drunken night: content just as corrosive and antagonistic to stomach-acid as the real thing.
“How do the staff bear this bundle of joy?” Phil asked.
Anto shrugged, unwilling to revisit this recurring subject.
The obnoxious one snapped his fingers and ordered another drink with a side of snide.
“Stroke? Ages ago! No excuse! I could just punch his head .” Phil punctuated with a rolling guttural snarl.
Anto sighed at the echoed rhetoric, yet had to wonder at the truth behind the universally irritating tolerance.
A side of snide, very good phrase! I liked starting in what seems the middle. Different and entertaining.
DeleteMuch enjoyed the scene depicted, but a bit uncertain about the intended direction of the final comment.
DeleteYes, Sandra, lost it a bit there. Should have been clearer. It is ambiguous.
DeleteInteresting and thought provoking...
Deleteanother character study, must be the prompts this week. Intriguing, to put it mildly.
DeleteTo echo Antonia, this was a lesson in how to create a character study in 100 words or less. I rather liked the ambiguity of the piece to be honest. I think it might have lost something had the intention been more clear.
DeleteKandar 9: You Lie Down With Dogs
ReplyDeleteIt took me about a quarter candle, to reach Matthias’s Apothecary. The light but steady rain had turned the side streets into a semblance of chocolate pudding but those weren’t raisins floating in it. Rhylana Matthia, half-elvan, silver hair with a swath of scarlet. Her husband,Devon, didn’t like me. His eyes glared like Kandarian Fire Prawn Vindoloo The truth is we were former lovers. I entered via the back door, to be greeted by Angus’s snarls. A wolfhound, heavy emphasis on wolf, light on hound. Rhylana, with her healers bundle, came into the workshop shortly after.
eeuch! I can perfectly visualise (and smell) the side streets from your description
DeleteSolidly written and rich, the 'those weren’t raisins' sending my mind in directions all the more lurid for not being spelled out.
Deleteone small journey, one vivid set of impressions for us to think on. Good one!
DeleteThis was very nicely done with some outstanding visuals. Many phrases to admire here. I particularly liked the idea of a "quarter candle" to express the passage of time and the notion of a wolfhound with a "heavy emphasis on wolf" but "light on hound." You created a lovely little scene, Jeffrey. One of your best in my opinion.
DeleteBrilliant progression of the established story, sucking the reader into the street mud alongside the characters. Vindaloo is a hard prompt to convincingly fit into a narrative of a constructed fantasy world because of its specificity to the real one, but that's a darn good effort.
ReplyDeleteCaravan of love
ReplyDeleteAfter the physical separation, the habit of loving him is hard to relinquish. I have demanded honesty, truth from him as my share, thoughts at least in union.
His wife can have the daily routines, his presence, but I have his words, bundled and hoarded for their small joys. I build those, Jenga like, into towers for an imagined future.
Today though, he says he is off to buy a caravan, an innocuous enough statement that burns like vindaloo. Evidence of his commitment to a future without my towers. I am silent now, but tomorrow I will crave his words again.
The insertion of the prompts so smooth that the sentiments expressed sear all the more.
DeleteTo me, I hear the cry of a lost soul. One who sees no way to changer her fate. You very sneakily used the prompts, another rung appears above me on the ladder.
Deletesmoothly done, a scene set, imaginations fired.
DeleteBeautifully composed and I adored the way the thoughts meandered before reaching what would seem to be the ultimate conclusion of such a relationship. Great touches of reality.
DeleteExcellent use of prompts amid musing. Reader immediately engaged with the mc.
ReplyDeleteHalting Cuisine
ReplyDeleteYou are what you eat
And that can be really neat.
Bundle up and grab that bag,
As we examine foods that haute.
Lamb Fries, round marbles without their sack.
Sweet Braed is fine, with
Parsley, sage, rosemary, or thyme
Truth is that morcilla puts blood in your eye.
Vindoloo’s spiciness helped it curry favor.
Cabidela on a plate,
Is better than hasenpfeffer in your garden
Soup de jour, from frothing swiftlets home, so sweet
Milk of coconut, soy or almond,
Aren’t they nuts?
Just ask carrot, beat or prune.
Healthy or tasty,
They all go to the same place.
I'm a little hard put to comment on this. Its composition is wonderfully done...no doubt on that point. But I think you may have gone a little of my head again, Jeffrey. That having been said, I like the title's play on words.
DeleteSome recent assistance to my writing has helped me understand that we write or compose such that we and our readers find enjoyment and entertaining.
DeleteI regret that my poetry hasn't been able to do that.
I really do feel it's a good poem, just not the right poem.
DeletePlease don't be mistaken, Jeffrey. I find your poems both enjoyable and very entertaining, to say nothing of creative. It's simply that I sometimes feel I'm missing something and that's probably a fault of the way my thoughts work more than any discrepancy on your part. Keep up the good work!!! You're doing a fine job and have come a long way since you first posted here in my opinion. If it's any comfort, I'm frequently too ambiguous in my writing and totally miss the mark. What seems obvious to the creator is not always as obvious to the reader.
DeleteThanks for being the standout lady your are.
DeleteKursaal (Episode Sixty Nine) -- "In Absentia"
ReplyDeleteMaximillian Corviday missed his late night soirées with Alexis Champagne. Philosophical discussions with the voluptuous assistant over suppers of chicken vindaloo were often followed by equally spicy romantic interludes.
Manasa had been his constant intimate since Alexis disappeared. She offered consolation to the morose Maximillian who, to the delight of the snake-charmer, began to depend on her company. It was to be expected. They had been friends for many years.
She bundled and disposed of Alexis' belongings so Maximillian might not be continually reminded of the missing woman.
In truth, he hoped for Alexis' return.
In truth, Manasa knew better.
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To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
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(NOTE: Alexis Champagne made her debut in Episode 34 and featured in Episodes 45, 53 and 54. Manasa made her debut in Episode 2 and featured in Episodes 53 and 62. Maximillian Corviday is the owner/creator of the "Kursaal")
Manasa a very managing woman, to be sure! This is a lovely vignette of an episode.
DeleteHmmm what has Manasa schemed for Alexis!?
Deletethere's always scheming going on, no matter who it is and there's a lot of it here! Another smooth one.
DeleteJust a thought but it would be funny if you wrote the story and put the prompts in the note that follwed.
ReplyDeleteNow for this episode. It's nice to know that Max can care for someone and that someone can care for Max. A very smooth episode, with nice prompt use.
Change of focus [234]
ReplyDeleteBefore Job-learnt self-control snapped in, John Pettinger’s sight flooded with a red mist of virulence sufficient to substitute for Vindaloo.
From his laptop a quartet of voices bundled, momentarily Gregorian, then divided again, enabling him to hear Valdeta’s soothing tones, although whether directed to the now-hiccupping babe, to Aleks – unlikely, at nine years old to appreciate all nuances of the situation – or this unknown antagonist he could not tell.
The image swooped again and swung, too fast. People too silhouetted, facial expressions too blurred to judge what level the danger, to enable him to grasp the truth of the situation.
A most well scribed episode. The monitors movements as swooping and Gregorian chants, all tied together.
Deletea tightly written action packed instalment. Wow!
DeleteThese descriptions left me feeling quite dizzy. What a magnificent continuation! So much to appreciate, but I really loved the idea of "Gregorian" voices. I had to search for the prompt words. Always the sign of an excellent piece.
DeleteRest and recuperation [Threshold 162]
ReplyDeleteFrom the bed, we contemplated the stone-arched ceiling. Encroaching sunlight rendered the rectangular blocks a palette of spices, from pale ginger, through saffron to scarlet Vindaloo.
‘In truth,’ Raven corrected, ‘Vindaloo a mixture, not a single spice. Its redness derived from chillies –‘
The room grew warm enough to bundle bedclothes to the bottom of the bed; the vivid silken counterpane to the floor. This time his taking of me was tender, I languorous enough to succumb without resistance. Only when our breathing had subsided did we detect the noise of horses, several of them, arriving at the door below.
Pale ginger is a perfect description!
Delete(Snarls under breath as unable to steal it now)
A palette for spices as some painters do used dried, powdered paint and many mix the colors on it. As for the rest, a nice continuation yet who could be coming?
DeleteI wondered if the strange prompts this week would mean stilted writing to include them, it's proved not to be so, as this instalment illustrates. It just flows.
DeleteErotic descriptions and yet presented with such delicate taste. That sound of horses at the end leaves us with a feeling of such apprehension though.
DeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 95-The Cat And The Confectioner
ReplyDeleteThough an avid reader of American detective novels, Poppy's favorite author was Kipling, first discovered courtesy of a bundled anthology entitled: "Plain Tales from the Hills." She particularly relished his stories set in India, distant land of vindaloos, rajahs and the regal Bengal Tiger.
Unlike Violet, her sister, Poppy enjoyed a close relationship with Marmalade and called him "little Shere Khan." They were often seen, heads together, at Poppy's Turnstile Kiosk, where she munched on pear drops and the cat savored a tin of graciously provided Kit-E-Kat.
Truth be told, the pair gave every impression of a shared telepathic bond.
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To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
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liked this, clever prompt use.
DeleteMy favourite rejection story is about Kipling, the publisher wrote
'Mr Kipling, you do not know how to use the English language.'
I very much enjoyed the 'bundled anthology' and Kipling well-chosen for the Vindaloo.
DeleteFor a this to be done in narration, it's very well done. Invoking Kipling was a beautiful way to bring the prompts in.
ReplyDeleteThough my favorites were Baloo and Gunga Din.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe Mad Italian 4
DeleteThere are a number of us who get together. I wonder what you would make of the great men’s findings? Some of you would be bored to the point of finding something exotic to eat. Do I not hear of a dish called vindaloo? It sounds disgusting; I would not eat it. I divert... The Illuminati worked for humanity but were forced to meet in secrecy, bundled together like conspirators behind hidden doorways. For such great men, this was a shame and yet carried a sense of excitement, us against the world. In truth, did we really grow up?
Well done on combining Vindaloo with da Vinci!!
DeleteSuch mystery and I love the "Illumninati" reference. I am coming to realize that da Vinci is a very different character from how I imagined him to be.
DeleteLeonardo and I hacked this about so much, he wanted to say so much more than the 100 words would allow, we managed to lose a prompt. I had to delete, go back and ask him for a rewrite... he's over enthusiastic...
ReplyDelete[I was out of town most of this week, but I don't want to fall too far behind. I will try to catch up on feedback soon.]
ReplyDeleteThe Proposition
I looked over at the boy. He wasn’t more than thirteen. I refused to press charges, so Corrigan had to let him go.
“Come on, Natch. I’ll take you home and see what can be done for your mother.”
He was so small, bundled in a winter coat three sizes too big for him.
His eyes slid to the side. “She’s...gone to the city.”
I wondered if he even knew how to tell the truth.
“Well then, come home with me and have something to eat. I made far too much vindaloo. And I may have a proposition for you.”
This is truly fascinating - I'm not at al sure I know what's going on but the telling of it is such that therein lies the pleasure. Lovely smooth prompts.
DeleteI'll use ambiguity as a way to explain my enjoyment of your use of prompts and setting the scene. It almost seems this was written backwards as I could see the opening paragraph being the last.
DeleteI liked this, much to enjoy and puzzle over, what's going on, is it as bad as it seems to feel...
DeleteThis read as smooth as silk. Not a single hiccup along the way. I particularly liked the image of the boy "bundled in a winter coat three sizes too big." Don't know how I feel about that proposition though. Sounds a bit ominous...maybe.
DeleteI am seeing them as flowing from one week to the next seamlessly, so last week she saw him in the jail, and this week, she got him out and took him home.
DeleteOverly enthusiastic, rushing perhaps? Hm, sounds familiar. The work paid off in a flowing piece, with really good prompt use.
ReplyDeleteDo great men find great things or does finding great things make one great. Read this several times, a very enjoyable experience.
Leonardo doesn't rush,he's just over enthusiastic. I had a 200 word piece before I could put the brakes on... go back, chop the beginning out (which is where I lost one of the prompts...) and refine the rest. He spends all his time with me grinning with an evil look in his eyes, I know he's up to something - he leaps between me and my publisher, where he also has far too much to say, it seems! (I've just been given an image of him painting the Mona Lisa and going off to scribble some notes, do quick line drawings, something he'd thought of, didn't want to forget it. 'Painting's boring,' he tells me, 'but it does let the mind wander to more interesting and useful things.' ??????????????
ReplyDeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #76
ReplyDeleteEven the “Top Secret” Ones
I told the truth. The parents seen to have forgotten my previous descriptions and explanations. Oh well. Vindaloo is an appropriate post-scolding dinner. I’ve managed to collect a bundle of excellent spices lately. I’m looking forward to tonight; my dear friend Georgiana is visiting and we’ve a standing agreement to regale each other with our adventures over whatever Natasha and I have cooked. (Assassins, pirates, and flying yurts aren’t welcome in most restaurants.)
Rosie - you've arrived during daylight hours in the UK, and with another oh-so-individual piece. I very much like 'post-scolding'.
DeleteInterestingly enjoyable. Is what's not welcome the clientele or the cuisine?
DeleteI enjoyed your use if prompts.
I do believe Sandra has found the best descriptive word of all for your Rosebud adventures, that being "individual." There is certainly nothing else like it offered here...but I do believe I've expressed that opinion before.
DeleteI believe everyone should be congratulated this week for managing to work "vindaloo" into their tales without the word standing out like too much of a sore thumb. This was no easy task, that's for sure!
ReplyDelete