Friday 24 August 2018

The fathoming (or otherwise) of fables


I struggled so much over this week’s three prompt words, and have been so busy elsewhere, responding to beta readers’ brilliant assistance with a seventh-version novel, that it was both surprise and relief to discover already 56 comments when I finally found time to return to Prediction.

Should have known though, rather than let me down. you contrived to hitch the standard up another few rungs, and I confess I’ve had to pick a trio of you, being unable to pitch one even a smidgeon higher than the other. So congratulations to David W for ‘Does she know', to Zoë, for ‘Edda’ and to David T for ‘Road to Shenandoah’, and especial thanks, as ever, to all who found time to comment.

Words for next week: cast  racecourse  wraith

Entries by midnight Thursday 30th August, words and winners posted Friday 31st

Usual rules: 100 words maximum (excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction is, as always, welcome. All variants and use of the words and stems are fine. Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever social media you prefer.

139 comments:

  1. Congrats to the winners. Sorry I didn't comment on the last round. I did read the stories and I certainly would have trouble picking winners. Everyone is so good and the stories are highly entertaining.

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    1. Congratulations to David T, David W and Zoe for joint top slot in last weeks stories.
      I'd be useless picking a winner.
      Each week I read the entries as they come in and think every one is brilliant, such a variety of writing styles and ideas.

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  2. Mishmash and Hodgepodge and a slight bit of Gobbledygook - with no worries about becoming a series

    The writer stared at the screen. He thought the prompt was wrath, not wraith. His brilliant story had no room for a pesky apparition. His thoughts became a racecourse, swirling with indecision like an errant slide projector stuck in overdrive. Should he attempt to pry wraith in? Start over?

    In his mind, he stood on the pier, casting for golden carp with a broken cane pole. A seagull swooped down and shit on his head. Screw it, he thought. He was leaving the goddamn thing as it was.

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    1. Brilliant, Sir! Funny as frick, and a great attitude overall.

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    2. Honors and congrats to David W., David T., and Zoe for their excellent stories and sharing the winners circle for last week.

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    3. congrats to winners and thanks to John for starting off this week with a very funny piece indeed.

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    4. John, a a very good story with tight writing and nice prompt use.. Humor and a situation we can all identify with.

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    5. this did make me laugh John. it was funny with clever use of the prompt words and so accurate. I have definitely misread prompt words wrong before so it was easy to identify with.
      Once I wrote a complete entry, luckily I read other stories before I posted and realised my mistake. Glad to know I'm not alone.

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    6. I couldn't help but smile at this, John. I loved some of your phrases: pesky apparition ... swirling with indecision ... slide projector stuck in overdrive. This is good stuff!

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    7. and good job too! Wish I'd thought the same!

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    8. Absolutely delightful. So glad you left "the goddamn thing as it was"...!!!

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  3. Sandra, thank you so much for the honour of picking my story. I do not envy you your task each week.

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  4. Wow thanks :D
    Currently reeling from my son's GCSE English results, may be back later...

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  5. I'm not surprised Sandra chose three impeccable stories to share to the top spot this week. They were certainly outstanding offerings in a virtual treasure trove of excellent submissions. Many congratulations to David W, David T and Zoë.

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  6. Bet My Money on a Bobtail Nag


    In the flicker of the campfire we exchanged tales of how we first encountered the Outlaw.

    “Camptown racecourse,” said O'Brien. “With the cast of a travelling review. I had bad gambling debts. Men came to fix me, armed with razors. He appeared like a swirling wraith. Silver spurs and silver buckles. Hauled me away by the shirt collar. Next thing I know I'm in Kansas.”

    I touched the rope scar on my neck, recalling how he snatched me from the noose.

    “Rode with him ever since,” said O'Brien.

    “This is how he owns us,” whispered Three Crows.

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    1. I love this tale and how its expanding each week. I could see the 'swirling wraith' and all the action of Obrien's rescue by the outlaw. And what a brilliant final line.

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    2. Two thumbs up, David. I am enjoying this tale as it unfolds and gains meatiness.

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    3. David, a very good continuation. Several western stories/movies came to mind as I read this.Interested in seeing where this goes.

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    4. Really enjoyable, David. I really liked the rope scar mention and how that told so much in just a few words. I also liked how Three Crows whispered, in case the outlaw might hear.

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    5. Beautifully done, David! Your first line is a great hook to pull us into this well crafted tale.

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    6. Yes indeed, title set the scene, first line led us in and final left us salivating for more.

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    7. Westerns can be great, this one is heading that way.

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    8. This has definitely captured my attention in next to no time. So much so, that I would be sorely disappointed if continuations were not to be looked forward to. There WILL be continuations, right?

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  7. Squatter’s Rites 2a

    Candice and I spent our anniversary in the usual fashion. A midday meal at Beverly’s Saloon. Later the town assembled at the racecourse for the dog sled races. After, I to the General Store for socializing and she home, to prepare dinner. Rack of lamb, potatoes, beans, and apple pie. The town gathered at the square before the sun set for dancing and singing.
    Returning home, we cast ourselves onto the bed for some unpretentious love making. This time she’ll get with child, for-sure. We awoke to the front door opening and it walked in. This time the wraith dies.

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    1. Bravo! And I say again, bravo! Always nice to see food in a supporting role, and I am a fan of the sex, too!

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    2. Nicely done, Jeffrey. As I've already mentioned, I do believe your writing has greatly improved of late. This is a prime example.

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  8. Squatter’s Rites-2

    I whistled while walking among the broken ribs and bones of Ashcroft. A racecourse sign for the dog sled races was covered in broken glass. I swear I heard the cheering of their wraith’s. Few buildings remained standing. Great grand uncle Thaddeus’s was in excellent shape.
    The front door had a Realtor's lock on it, Gyst Associates. I opened the lock, the light changed to green. I cast my eyes around the foyer, it’s opulence and craftsmanship awed me. A chandelier still hanging. Yet, the signs of weather and time had their sway to. Not many like this place around.

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    1. So atmospheric Jeffrey, I really liked your opening line.
      Actually every sentence built up the layers to give a brilliant visual image. You incorporated the prompt words with skill too.

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    2. Jeffrey, this is really good. I like Terrie's suggestion of it being atmospheric. The same setting at two seemingly different times is so interesting and works well with your story.

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    3. I have to agree with the previous comments. This was brimming with atmosphere. Love the idea of a chandelier still hanging in place. Look forward to more of these "Squatter's Rites."

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  9. The Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 20 - Contraption Identified

    Sarg didn’t look back.
    She sped though the undergrowth as though it were a racecourse and hauled Clancy with her.
    Everyone heard her coming and melted, wraith-like, out of her path.
    At base-burrow, she cast Clancy down beside the contraption.
    ‘Show me now.’
    Eyes un- focused, Clancy’s head wobbled, ‘Cant,’ he said, ‘iths not all here.’
    ‘What d’yu mean, you little weasel?’
    Clancy hiccupped, ‘the bucket an’ the crank armths not wiv it thaths why.’
    Squinting at the contraption Sarg pictured the attachments Clancy described.
    Immediately, she knew, ‘It’s a bloody catapult!’
    ‘No m’dearie. Itths a Pangonel.’ he burped.

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    1. You continue your series like always. Good writing, especially how you humanize them. Like how you used base-burrow instead of base camp.

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    2. I cracked up when Sarg called Clancy a little weasel. I like it when Sarg is always in such a hurry, whatever she does. Another good one, Terrie.

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    3. Always good, these tails... er, I mean, tales.

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    4. Your ability to create suspense with such a cast truly enviable.

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    5. the characters are so vivid and different from one another. Clever writing, Terrie

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    6. So totally enthralling. Beautifully put together and the differentiation between the characters is brilliant. I adore all the serializations in this forum, but I think this one captures my imagination the most.

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  10. Kursaal (Episode One Hundred Twenty Eight) - "What Goes Around..."

    With its cloud chariots, flying dragons and winged pegasi, the Skyward Merry-Go-Round (Kursaal's only free-of-charge attraction) was the perfect example of an aerial racecourse. Its operator, the auburn-haired and green-eyed Roxanne Huntley, manipulated the speed of the ride, which ranged from dizzying revolutions to quivering standstills, with expert skill.

    At times, the images of the patrons appeared wraith-like, so speedy the gyrations but occasionally, identifiable faces could be discerned. Among them...Alexis Champagne and Dottie Randall. Impossible, of course, since both were missing persons.

    Cast of a shadow or trick of the light perhaps?

    Roxanne always declined to comment.

    -------------------------------------------------------
    To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
    http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
    A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    NOTE: Roxanne Huntley (and her Skyward Merry-Go-Round), Alexis Champagne and Dottie Randall have all featured in previous episodes.

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    1. I love how you expertly mix that ethereal sense of magic with a sprinkle of mystery and a little dab of horror Patricia.
      Kursaal is brilliant.
      Thank you for sharing it with us.

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    2. Very well done descriptions made this easy to visualize. Nice use of prompts with a good last line.

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    3. What a place this Kursaal is. This merry-go-round is some wild ride, especially for a free attraction.

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    4. What a wonderful world you have created with this serial!

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    5. it's a good job this Kursaal is fiction - it would stop many people going to the real one (if it's still there!)

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  11. TheaterLand

    One more opening night. Overture and beginners.

    Performers, like thoroughbreds eager to enter the racecourse, hover nervously in the wings. Wander restlessly backstage.

    It is a critical audience. The price of admission is high.

    There will be death on the boards this night. And our company of wraiths will welcome yet another cast member.

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    1. Compact writing, full stacked with everything.
      Great imagery, cleverly woven prompt words and a closing hook that leaves the reader wanting to know more.

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    2. I think there's an allegory in this story. Tight writing and nicely built up tension.

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    3. Even ghosts need to be entertained, it seems. Great story.

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    4. this could so easily become a full on horror story, Patricia!

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  12. FRAYED

    Punctured, and broken, along the rutted racecourse of time,
    Phantoms murmur in the darkle and watch
    As stretched shadows roll inward, tremble,
    And stutter toward decay.

    Crudely carved onto broken ground, whispered silence is cast in ghostly silhouette.
    It bites with sharpened, wraith-like, teeth,
    trails the savaged, green, soul of the earth, with suffering,
    and claims a puckered forfeit in rusted blood.

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    1. My goodness, Terry. Every word of this pulled me eagerly along to the next! This is very nicely done!

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    2. Very good poem. It breathes. I really liked the phrase 'whispered silence'.

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    3. You're quite the talent, Terrie. Your words abound with darkness and wonder.

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    4. I don't know which I admire most, your 'dillos or your skill with the rhyming word. It's a close call...particularly given this premium example...but the 'dillos surely do have my heart!!! I love the single word title, by the way. It reminds me of the song "Torn" by Natalie Imbuglia. Short but oh so to the point.

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    5. That should be Imbruglia, of course.
      Sigh...!!!

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  13. DEAD HEAT

    “What the…?” Racecourse official Dave Wilker’s tongue became an anchor as he stared at the photo on his computer screen. There, between horses whose noses touched the finish line, was a creamy opaque shape.

    Dave squinted, leaned forward. “A trick of light cast on the track?” he asked of no one.

    “A horse,” came a whisper that filled the room. “Future Wraith is his name. He won his race here 100 years ago but fell after crossing the finish line. Broke two legs and had to be put down.”

    Dave turned and stared at emptiness. “Who are you?”

    “His jockey.”

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    1. Oh what an ending! You did a great job with the prompts.

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    2. WahOO! I'm a character! Love it!

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    3. Very entertaining and enjoyable. Nice use of Dave as a character. Quite and honor.

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    4. You are very much a character, Dave, and almost believable lol. Nice twist, J.E.

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    5. Oh, wonderful - I'm currently on a Dick Francis binge and this a lovely aside.

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    6. Something of the "Twilight Zone" about this. Very cleverly put together and even used one of our own as a lead character!

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  14. Burn The Bitch

    He cast a furtive glance, then returned to the junkie. His syringe filled carefully with poisonous blood. Subterfuge, plotting, and this, the acme of his plan. His faithless wife, and his ex-pal, her bastard lover, wraiths in the wind. The syringe, with it’s bounty of AIDS tainted blood, would be easy enough to inject into her cheating veins, once her nightly cocktail was doped and consumed. He had carefully sought out a match for her O- in the local Free Clinic. A little money, some stepped-on horse, and voila, off to the racecourse. And don’t forget, don’t screw the bitch.

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    1. Tight, smart writing, David. A great warning at the end.

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    2. Somehow my comment appeared elsewhere. Ergo, I shall repeat it here. Very chilling, David, and full of poison. Payback can be nasty. Well done!

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    3. David, very good story, entertaining and good use of the prompts.


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    4. David has issues. Which, at least, makes for some choice stories for us.

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    5. Hell, my issues have issues.. Get it, issues? Stories?

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    6. Twitchy and evil. Well done.

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    7. tough writing featuring tough characters. Nice one.

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    8. I think Antonia summed it up perfectly with "tough writing." This was indeed a chilling piece.

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  15. Cripplegate Junction/Part 154 - Light At The End Of The Tunnel

    "Cast your mind back, dear chap," said the Station Master. "Do you recall your arrival at Cripplegate?"

    The images in Clive Bailey's memory, for the most part, were wraith-like. Insubstantial. Questionable. But the Station Master was sound, as was Marmalade. As for everything else...

    "I find train tracks resemble a racecourse in many ways," continued the Station Master. "Point of beginning and specified journey's end. Occasionally, there are stumbling blocks along the way. Most unfortunate for all concerned."

    He treated Clive to a comforting smile.

    "However, I do believe your final destination is very close now, old boy."

    -------------------------------------------------
    To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
    http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
    A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
    ---------------------------------------------------------

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    1. I especially enjoyed how you weaved "wraith" into your entry, Patricia - insubstantial, questionable memories. A very good read!

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    2. Patricia, good last line and a nice play on the movie series. The story is your usual substantial writing, enjoyable and thought provoking.

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    3. You have quite the talent for creating wonderfully strange places. Does Cripplegate exist in the past or modern times? I picture the station master as having gray side-whiskers.

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    4. Ramping up the tension; I so fear for Clive!

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    5. yes, poor Clive, seems to have been targeted as the next Cripplegate sacrifice...

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  16. Very chilling, David, and full of poison. Payback can be nasty. Well done!

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  17. Here goes....

    Deadline
    -------------

    "Sylvia racecourse?"

    The crackle became animated, magnifying the hissing cacophony on the sat-phone, as if others around his operative were jostling for attention...

    "Silver rust-cart?!" Neubould swallowed annoyance at the unreliability of technology, rapped the receiver on the wing-mirror of the JLTV and ducked back into the cabin. The wonk shrugged expansively: whatever was causing interference wasn't her end.

    Momentary clarity: "Address: Silver Wraith Court; figures: six, five-" *squeal*, "Woods… dead…

    Static.

    He cast his gaze towards his wonk (hastily two-finger typing on manual), eyebrows askew.

    "Zionsville: north-west of Indianapolis, sir!"

    “Move out!”

    At least Google Maps still worked…

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    1. Superbly complex. I could feel the urgency in the room. I'm not sure what a wonk is but it doesn't matter. I can still picture it typing clumsily.

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    2. You poured a lot of drama into this, Zoe. Excellent final line!

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    3. A very good post apocalyptic story. You created tension very well and your use of the prompts was well done.

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    4. A wonderfully original updating of Chinese whispers.

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    5. Intriguing. I really liked this.

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    6. much to enjoy in this, very cleverly created world.

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    7. In my opinion, this had a definite science fiction feel to it. I do believe it would fit perfectly into the "Black Mirror" series which was a wonderful collection of such tales. Had to chuckle that, at the end of the day, at least Google Maps was still working. And we would expect no less...!!!

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  18. Stop the Week, I want to get off (11)
    There are times… the big cabinet I wanted moved was moved. Shaun and his friend huffed and puffed as if they were on a racecourse, instead of moving something 3 ft from where it had lived, but still, it was done. It’s casting light all around that area of the shop now and made it feel entirely different. Wraithlike cobwebs left behind were soon cleared…
    The customers walked around this new arrangement, admiring the space. Then Shaun buys and unloads into the shop four sets of very large boat windows… some men are just outright difficult, aren’t they?

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    1. If I had a boat, I'd consider the boat windows. I'm glad you got the cabinet moved.

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    2. We men have no concept of decor or design, do we, Antonia.

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    3. Wraith like cobwebs, excellent description. Again, how you bring such life to the page is really beautiful.

      J.E. I don't about that. I might have as much skill at interior design as I do writing.

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    4. Um ... but aren't you wanting Shaun to buy stuff?

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    5. I want Shaun to buy nice things, not metal and rust and dirt all over the floor... where's the nice things, the glass, the polished wood, the pieces of art... just to continue for a moment, only the very big windows are still there and they will go soon. The hatch has been sold, the others are down the local marina as the owner said they will sell faster from there than from us. I might even get to clean the floor tomorrow!

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    6. Never know what's going to appeal to people, Antonia. I see much of the new merchandise has already zoomed out the door. These little snippets of life at your shop would fit so well into a book relating the same. I know I'd buy it...!!!

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  19. IF Blogger gets its act together by tomorrow, I will leave feedback. It refused me the courtesy of that on every single entry tonight. Grrr!!!!

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  20. RoundUp

    My route is like a racecourse in its perpetual circle. I cast my net far and wide to sweep up all the newly-departed, confused and disoriented. I also capture those who have wandered from the light.

    They are delivered to the judgment chamber, where a final residence based upon mortal deeds and actions will be assigned.

    They are referred to as lost souls.

    I prefer to call them wraiths and strays.


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    1. I like this. So much unsaid that you could spill out a novel

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    2. I really like this version of Charon and I sure hope you show us who the judge is. Short with tight writing, excellent!

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    3. Eeeexxxcellant...

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    4. Mmm. Has the welcome power of a whisky shot.

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    5. I'll settle for a chocolate hit and ignore the whisky, but yes, it does carry one hell of a punch.

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  21. The Storygiver

    "Close your eyes," he whispered as he cast my mind's eye to another world. My blood quickened, angry horses on a racecourse, knowing the tale he was going to tell. "And I shall tell you the story of the Beastly Wraith."

    I had grown up hearing this story (it was my favorite) and each time, though I knew each dramatic pause, each haunted whisper, it never failed to enthrall me.

    The storygiver was kind to me, allowing me this bedtime story, as I huddled in my cage, clutching my soiled blanket, my eyes wide.

    "Thank you, David."

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    1. This is a very good twist on storytelling and I do think it's an excellent one.

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    2. See, I knew you would come to love your little quarters!

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    3. Insidiously nasty. (The tale, not the writing f it.)

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    4. Knew you'd get the story behind the story, David lol. Thanks guys.

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    5. hidden meanings and a whole stack of nastiness all rolled into one!

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    6. The visuals that accompany this (without actually being detailed) are truly horrific. I just loved it. I hope we get to hear more of this "Storygiver." Magnificent foundation for a great serial.

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    7. 'As I huddled in my cage' is a bolt of verbal lightning in this imaginative tale, RJ.

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  22. The Demolition Derby

    Wraiths of past birthdays laughing
    Spewing clawed taunts of havoc.
    Stubbornly I ignore,
    Willingly I repeat.

    Statue sentinels;
    Piper, Asimov, and de Camp,
    Cast their dubious gaze
    As I exit the coliseum.

    My armor destroyed
    My mind;
    No longer desires to dream.
    I leave more blood on the racecourse floor.

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    1. A very thought provoking piece, Jeffrey. I can't claim to fully comprehend everything you deliver, but it never fails to intrigue.

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  23. Replenishing the pantry [Threshold 218]

    The random and irregular delivery of food – silent and invisible – had all but ceased. I cast my mind back to when we first arrived and realised it had arrived courtesy of tribute – or ransom – to Raven’s grandmother. They – whoever – had at last realised she was dead.

    I confronted Raven. ‘We need find supplies.’
    ‘There’s a racecourse a couple of furlongs down the road –‘
    I stared. ‘I’ll need become much more wraithlike before I eat horsemeat!’
    He sniggered at my ignorance. ‘I was thinking transport. I’m tired of being here. Plan one, kill Lant, Plan two find food. Let’s go.’

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    1. Love it. Man, you are making me want to try my hand at a serial story.

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    2. sensible plans - in time of strife, kill someone, get food. Sandra, you nailed what really happens when there is conflict.

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    3. And here comes extreme action once again. Raven, it seems, has made a full recovery and grows restless. We are carried along on his wave of plotting and anxious for the next installment.

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    4. Wouldn't killing Lant do both? Maslow would be proud. On a more literary arc, very good and tight writing.

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  24. Change of focus [296]

    The central driveway to the house was edged with low white railings, reminiscent of a racecourse. With an immediacy that suggested it was them that triggered it, the smooth green of the adjoining lawns sprouted water.
    ‘Underground sprinklers,’ then Filip’s pedantic explanation negated when sunlight turned the spiralling water into a cast of rainbow-decorated wraith-like dervishes.
    Pettinger’s admiration was short-lived, his impatience to find his son; assure himself all was well, overwhelming appreciation of merely decorative.
    Double doors swung open revealing a purple-cloaked emulation of Henry VIII.
    Batiste Balincek.
    And, wriggling through the gap twixt legs and door jamb, Aleks.





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    1. Poetic lines (which are always my weakness, given the fetish I have for words). Really enjoyed "rainbow-decorated, wraith-like dervishes."

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    2. Such a clear and vivid use of language, Sandra. I could easily picture everything.

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    3. very visual, this instalment. Sometimes you carry it through dialogue, this time it's through images.

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    4. Oh, thank goodness Aleks has put in an appearance. I was becoming just a little bit concerned. That "purple-cloaked emulation of Henry VII" is probably one of the most descriptive visuals I've ever encountered. Your pen is wielding magic this week, Sandra.

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    5. I too was drawn to the Purple cloaked Henry VIII and the ambiance your description provided.

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  25. The Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #144
    Well Then


    Letter sent we swooped up and over a mountain where-
    “Oh no you said they were dead!”
    “They are, those are just wraiths.”
    “But they have shadows!”
    “That’s the racecourse lights.”
    “So they’re not casting their own shadows?”
    “Exactly.”
    “Oh good. Then I believe you but can we leave now?”

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    1. Brilliant - especially the racecourse lights casting shadows.

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    2. another sharply observed instalment, Rosie.

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    3. Not so sure I'm falling for that explanation...but okay. As always this carries you along like a sparkling stream. Almost entirely dialogue this time around too. Very nicely done.

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    4. Sharp dialog used to provide description, well done!

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    5. Congrats on your entry last week, Rosie. You came up with another fine one this week.

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  26. The mad Italian 70.
    The political world fields a cast of thousands. They jockey for position, so voting is often like a racecourse, the final count being the finishing line. Some feature as mere wraiths, gaining so few votes one wonders why they bothered to stand. Unfortunately for the remainder of the electorate, one party is tearing itself apart over anti-Semitism claims, so the next election will be extremely interesting for those of us who have no voting rights. If we had… the result would be very different, for we see into the often black hearts of those who wish to be elected.

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    1. The Mad Italian has made the prompt words his very own platform this week. I adore all his observations/musings, but I do believe this will have to rank as one of my favourites.

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    2. This lovely series has shown that you and the Mad Italian are similar to Jeff Randall and Marty Hopkirk. You built around the prompts instead of working them in, very hard and yet very well done.

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    3. That "jockey for position" a masterstroke!

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