I struggled so much over this
week’s three prompt words, and have been so busy elsewhere, responding to beta
readers’ brilliant assistance with a seventh-version novel, that it was both
surprise and relief to discover already 56 comments when I finally found time
to return to Prediction.
Should have known though, rather
than let me down. you contrived to hitch the standard up another few rungs, and
I confess I’ve had to pick a trio of you, being unable to pitch one even a
smidgeon higher than the other. So congratulations to David W for ‘Does she know', to Zoë, for ‘Edda’ and to David
T for ‘Road to Shenandoah’, and especial thanks, as ever, to all who found time to comment.
Words
for next week: cast racecourse wraith
Entries
by midnight Thursday 30th August,
words and winners posted Friday 31st
Usual rules: 100 words maximum
(excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above
in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction
is, as always, welcome. All variants and use of the words and stems are fine.
Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever
social media you prefer.
Congrats to the winners. Sorry I didn't comment on the last round. I did read the stories and I certainly would have trouble picking winners. Everyone is so good and the stories are highly entertaining.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to David T, David W and Zoe for joint top slot in last weeks stories.
DeleteI'd be useless picking a winner.
Each week I read the entries as they come in and think every one is brilliant, such a variety of writing styles and ideas.
Mishmash and Hodgepodge and a slight bit of Gobbledygook - with no worries about becoming a series
ReplyDeleteThe writer stared at the screen. He thought the prompt was wrath, not wraith. His brilliant story had no room for a pesky apparition. His thoughts became a racecourse, swirling with indecision like an errant slide projector stuck in overdrive. Should he attempt to pry wraith in? Start over?
In his mind, he stood on the pier, casting for golden carp with a broken cane pole. A seagull swooped down and shit on his head. Screw it, he thought. He was leaving the goddamn thing as it was.
Brilliant, Sir! Funny as frick, and a great attitude overall.
DeleteHonors and congrats to David W., David T., and Zoe for their excellent stories and sharing the winners circle for last week.
Deletecongrats to winners and thanks to John for starting off this week with a very funny piece indeed.
DeleteJohn, a a very good story with tight writing and nice prompt use.. Humor and a situation we can all identify with.
Deletethis did make me laugh John. it was funny with clever use of the prompt words and so accurate. I have definitely misread prompt words wrong before so it was easy to identify with.
DeleteOnce I wrote a complete entry, luckily I read other stories before I posted and realised my mistake. Glad to know I'm not alone.
I couldn't help but smile at this, John. I loved some of your phrases: pesky apparition ... swirling with indecision ... slide projector stuck in overdrive. This is good stuff!
Deleteand good job too! Wish I'd thought the same!
DeleteAbsolutely delightful. So glad you left "the goddamn thing as it was"...!!!
DeleteSandra, thank you so much for the honour of picking my story. I do not envy you your task each week.
ReplyDeleteSigh, Dave
DeleteWow thanks :D
ReplyDeleteCurrently reeling from my son's GCSE English results, may be back later...
Also grats to the Davids :)
DeleteI'm not surprised Sandra chose three impeccable stories to share to the top spot this week. They were certainly outstanding offerings in a virtual treasure trove of excellent submissions. Many congratulations to David W, David T and Zoë.
ReplyDeleteBet My Money on a Bobtail Nag
ReplyDeleteIn the flicker of the campfire we exchanged tales of how we first encountered the Outlaw.
“Camptown racecourse,” said O'Brien. “With the cast of a travelling review. I had bad gambling debts. Men came to fix me, armed with razors. He appeared like a swirling wraith. Silver spurs and silver buckles. Hauled me away by the shirt collar. Next thing I know I'm in Kansas.”
I touched the rope scar on my neck, recalling how he snatched me from the noose.
“Rode with him ever since,” said O'Brien.
“This is how he owns us,” whispered Three Crows.
I love this tale and how its expanding each week. I could see the 'swirling wraith' and all the action of Obrien's rescue by the outlaw. And what a brilliant final line.
DeleteTwo thumbs up, David. I am enjoying this tale as it unfolds and gains meatiness.
DeleteDavid, a very good continuation. Several western stories/movies came to mind as I read this.Interested in seeing where this goes.
DeleteReally enjoyable, David. I really liked the rope scar mention and how that told so much in just a few words. I also liked how Three Crows whispered, in case the outlaw might hear.
DeleteBeautifully done, David! Your first line is a great hook to pull us into this well crafted tale.
DeleteYes indeed, title set the scene, first line led us in and final left us salivating for more.
DeleteWesterns can be great, this one is heading that way.
DeleteThis has definitely captured my attention in next to no time. So much so, that I would be sorely disappointed if continuations were not to be looked forward to. There WILL be continuations, right?
DeleteSquatter’s Rites 2a
ReplyDeleteCandice and I spent our anniversary in the usual fashion. A midday meal at Beverly’s Saloon. Later the town assembled at the racecourse for the dog sled races. After, I to the General Store for socializing and she home, to prepare dinner. Rack of lamb, potatoes, beans, and apple pie. The town gathered at the square before the sun set for dancing and singing.
Returning home, we cast ourselves onto the bed for some unpretentious love making. This time she’ll get with child, for-sure. We awoke to the front door opening and it walked in. This time the wraith dies.
Bravo! And I say again, bravo! Always nice to see food in a supporting role, and I am a fan of the sex, too!
DeleteGreat last line, Jeffrey!
DeleteNicely done, Jeffrey. As I've already mentioned, I do believe your writing has greatly improved of late. This is a prime example.
DeleteSquatter’s Rites-2
ReplyDeleteI whistled while walking among the broken ribs and bones of Ashcroft. A racecourse sign for the dog sled races was covered in broken glass. I swear I heard the cheering of their wraith’s. Few buildings remained standing. Great grand uncle Thaddeus’s was in excellent shape.
The front door had a Realtor's lock on it, Gyst Associates. I opened the lock, the light changed to green. I cast my eyes around the foyer, it’s opulence and craftsmanship awed me. A chandelier still hanging. Yet, the signs of weather and time had their sway to. Not many like this place around.
So atmospheric Jeffrey, I really liked your opening line.
DeleteActually every sentence built up the layers to give a brilliant visual image. You incorporated the prompt words with skill too.
Jeffrey, this is really good. I like Terrie's suggestion of it being atmospheric. The same setting at two seemingly different times is so interesting and works well with your story.
DeleteI have to agree with the previous comments. This was brimming with atmosphere. Love the idea of a chandelier still hanging in place. Look forward to more of these "Squatter's Rites."
DeleteThe Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 20 - Contraption Identified
ReplyDeleteSarg didn’t look back.
She sped though the undergrowth as though it were a racecourse and hauled Clancy with her.
Everyone heard her coming and melted, wraith-like, out of her path.
At base-burrow, she cast Clancy down beside the contraption.
‘Show me now.’
Eyes un- focused, Clancy’s head wobbled, ‘Cant,’ he said, ‘iths not all here.’
‘What d’yu mean, you little weasel?’
Clancy hiccupped, ‘the bucket an’ the crank armths not wiv it thaths why.’
Squinting at the contraption Sarg pictured the attachments Clancy described.
Immediately, she knew, ‘It’s a bloody catapult!’
‘No m’dearie. Itths a Pangonel.’ he burped.
You continue your series like always. Good writing, especially how you humanize them. Like how you used base-burrow instead of base camp.
DeleteI cracked up when Sarg called Clancy a little weasel. I like it when Sarg is always in such a hurry, whatever she does. Another good one, Terrie.
DeleteAlways good, these tails... er, I mean, tales.
DeleteYour ability to create suspense with such a cast truly enviable.
Deletethe characters are so vivid and different from one another. Clever writing, Terrie
DeleteSo totally enthralling. Beautifully put together and the differentiation between the characters is brilliant. I adore all the serializations in this forum, but I think this one captures my imagination the most.
DeleteKursaal (Episode One Hundred Twenty Eight) - "What Goes Around..."
ReplyDeleteWith its cloud chariots, flying dragons and winged pegasi, the Skyward Merry-Go-Round (Kursaal's only free-of-charge attraction) was the perfect example of an aerial racecourse. Its operator, the auburn-haired and green-eyed Roxanne Huntley, manipulated the speed of the ride, which ranged from dizzying revolutions to quivering standstills, with expert skill.
At times, the images of the patrons appeared wraith-like, so speedy the gyrations but occasionally, identifiable faces could be discerned. Among them...Alexis Champagne and Dottie Randall. Impossible, of course, since both were missing persons.
Cast of a shadow or trick of the light perhaps?
Roxanne always declined to comment.
-------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: Roxanne Huntley (and her Skyward Merry-Go-Round), Alexis Champagne and Dottie Randall have all featured in previous episodes.
I love how you expertly mix that ethereal sense of magic with a sprinkle of mystery and a little dab of horror Patricia.
DeleteKursaal is brilliant.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Very well done descriptions made this easy to visualize. Nice use of prompts with a good last line.
DeleteWhat a place this Kursaal is. This merry-go-round is some wild ride, especially for a free attraction.
DeleteWhat a wonderful world you have created with this serial!
Deleteit's a good job this Kursaal is fiction - it would stop many people going to the real one (if it's still there!)
DeleteTheaterLand
ReplyDeleteOne more opening night. Overture and beginners.
Performers, like thoroughbreds eager to enter the racecourse, hover nervously in the wings. Wander restlessly backstage.
It is a critical audience. The price of admission is high.
There will be death on the boards this night. And our company of wraiths will welcome yet another cast member.
Compact writing, full stacked with everything.
DeleteGreat imagery, cleverly woven prompt words and a closing hook that leaves the reader wanting to know more.
I think there's an allegory in this story. Tight writing and nicely built up tension.
DeleteEven ghosts need to be entertained, it seems. Great story.
DeleteCreepy indeed.
Deletethis could so easily become a full on horror story, Patricia!
DeleteFRAYED
ReplyDeletePunctured, and broken, along the rutted racecourse of time,
Phantoms murmur in the darkle and watch
As stretched shadows roll inward, tremble,
And stutter toward decay.
Crudely carved onto broken ground, whispered silence is cast in ghostly silhouette.
It bites with sharpened, wraith-like, teeth,
trails the savaged, green, soul of the earth, with suffering,
and claims a puckered forfeit in rusted blood.
My goodness, Terry. Every word of this pulled me eagerly along to the next! This is very nicely done!
DeleteVery good poem. It breathes. I really liked the phrase 'whispered silence'.
DeleteYou're quite the talent, Terrie. Your words abound with darkness and wonder.
DeleteThat final line resonates.
DeleteI don't know which I admire most, your 'dillos or your skill with the rhyming word. It's a close call...particularly given this premium example...but the 'dillos surely do have my heart!!! I love the single word title, by the way. It reminds me of the song "Torn" by Natalie Imbuglia. Short but oh so to the point.
DeleteThat should be Imbruglia, of course.
DeleteSigh...!!!
DEAD HEAT
ReplyDelete“What the…?” Racecourse official Dave Wilker’s tongue became an anchor as he stared at the photo on his computer screen. There, between horses whose noses touched the finish line, was a creamy opaque shape.
Dave squinted, leaned forward. “A trick of light cast on the track?” he asked of no one.
“A horse,” came a whisper that filled the room. “Future Wraith is his name. He won his race here 100 years ago but fell after crossing the finish line. Broke two legs and had to be put down.”
Dave turned and stared at emptiness. “Who are you?”
“His jockey.”
Oh what an ending! You did a great job with the prompts.
DeleteWahOO! I'm a character! Love it!
DeleteVery entertaining and enjoyable. Nice use of Dave as a character. Quite and honor.
Deletehehe....
DeleteYou are very much a character, Dave, and almost believable lol. Nice twist, J.E.
DeleteOh, wonderful - I'm currently on a Dick Francis binge and this a lovely aside.
Deletevery clever! Loved this one.
DeleteSomething of the "Twilight Zone" about this. Very cleverly put together and even used one of our own as a lead character!
DeleteBurn The Bitch
ReplyDeleteHe cast a furtive glance, then returned to the junkie. His syringe filled carefully with poisonous blood. Subterfuge, plotting, and this, the acme of his plan. His faithless wife, and his ex-pal, her bastard lover, wraiths in the wind. The syringe, with it’s bounty of AIDS tainted blood, would be easy enough to inject into her cheating veins, once her nightly cocktail was doped and consumed. He had carefully sought out a match for her O- in the local Free Clinic. A little money, some stepped-on horse, and voila, off to the racecourse. And don’t forget, don’t screw the bitch.
Tight, smart writing, David. A great warning at the end.
DeleteSomehow my comment appeared elsewhere. Ergo, I shall repeat it here. Very chilling, David, and full of poison. Payback can be nasty. Well done!
DeleteDavid, very good story, entertaining and good use of the prompts.
DeleteDavid has issues. Which, at least, makes for some choice stories for us.
DeleteHell, my issues have issues.. Get it, issues? Stories?
DeleteTwitchy and evil. Well done.
Deletetough writing featuring tough characters. Nice one.
DeleteI think Antonia summed it up perfectly with "tough writing." This was indeed a chilling piece.
DeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 154 - Light At The End Of The Tunnel
ReplyDelete"Cast your mind back, dear chap," said the Station Master. "Do you recall your arrival at Cripplegate?"
The images in Clive Bailey's memory, for the most part, were wraith-like. Insubstantial. Questionable. But the Station Master was sound, as was Marmalade. As for everything else...
"I find train tracks resemble a racecourse in many ways," continued the Station Master. "Point of beginning and specified journey's end. Occasionally, there are stumbling blocks along the way. Most unfortunate for all concerned."
He treated Clive to a comforting smile.
"However, I do believe your final destination is very close now, old boy."
-------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
I especially enjoyed how you weaved "wraith" into your entry, Patricia - insubstantial, questionable memories. A very good read!
DeletePatricia, good last line and a nice play on the movie series. The story is your usual substantial writing, enjoyable and thought provoking.
DeleteYou have quite the talent for creating wonderfully strange places. Does Cripplegate exist in the past or modern times? I picture the station master as having gray side-whiskers.
DeleteRamping up the tension; I so fear for Clive!
Deleteyes, poor Clive, seems to have been targeted as the next Cripplegate sacrifice...
DeleteVery chilling, David, and full of poison. Payback can be nasty. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you Sir
DeleteHere goes....
ReplyDeleteDeadline
-------------
"Sylvia racecourse?"
The crackle became animated, magnifying the hissing cacophony on the sat-phone, as if others around his operative were jostling for attention...
"Silver rust-cart?!" Neubould swallowed annoyance at the unreliability of technology, rapped the receiver on the wing-mirror of the JLTV and ducked back into the cabin. The wonk shrugged expansively: whatever was causing interference wasn't her end.
Momentary clarity: "Address: Silver Wraith Court; figures: six, five-" *squeal*, "Woods… dead…”
Static.
He cast his gaze towards his wonk (hastily two-finger typing on manual), eyebrows askew.
"Zionsville: north-west of Indianapolis, sir!"
“Move out!”
At least Google Maps still worked…
Superbly complex. I could feel the urgency in the room. I'm not sure what a wonk is but it doesn't matter. I can still picture it typing clumsily.
DeleteYou poured a lot of drama into this, Zoe. Excellent final line!
DeleteA very good post apocalyptic story. You created tension very well and your use of the prompts was well done.
DeleteA wonderfully original updating of Chinese whispers.
DeleteIntriguing. I really liked this.
Deletemuch to enjoy in this, very cleverly created world.
DeleteIn my opinion, this had a definite science fiction feel to it. I do believe it would fit perfectly into the "Black Mirror" series which was a wonderful collection of such tales. Had to chuckle that, at the end of the day, at least Google Maps was still working. And we would expect no less...!!!
DeleteStop the Week, I want to get off (11)
ReplyDeleteThere are times… the big cabinet I wanted moved was moved. Shaun and his friend huffed and puffed as if they were on a racecourse, instead of moving something 3 ft from where it had lived, but still, it was done. It’s casting light all around that area of the shop now and made it feel entirely different. Wraithlike cobwebs left behind were soon cleared…
The customers walked around this new arrangement, admiring the space. Then Shaun buys and unloads into the shop four sets of very large boat windows… some men are just outright difficult, aren’t they?
If I had a boat, I'd consider the boat windows. I'm glad you got the cabinet moved.
DeleteWe men have no concept of decor or design, do we, Antonia.
DeleteWraith like cobwebs, excellent description. Again, how you bring such life to the page is really beautiful.
DeleteJ.E. I don't about that. I might have as much skill at interior design as I do writing.
Um ... but aren't you wanting Shaun to buy stuff?
DeleteI want Shaun to buy nice things, not metal and rust and dirt all over the floor... where's the nice things, the glass, the polished wood, the pieces of art... just to continue for a moment, only the very big windows are still there and they will go soon. The hatch has been sold, the others are down the local marina as the owner said they will sell faster from there than from us. I might even get to clean the floor tomorrow!
DeleteNever know what's going to appeal to people, Antonia. I see much of the new merchandise has already zoomed out the door. These little snippets of life at your shop would fit so well into a book relating the same. I know I'd buy it...!!!
DeleteIF Blogger gets its act together by tomorrow, I will leave feedback. It refused me the courtesy of that on every single entry tonight. Grrr!!!!
ReplyDeletenice growl
DeleteRoundUp
ReplyDeleteMy route is like a racecourse in its perpetual circle. I cast my net far and wide to sweep up all the newly-departed, confused and disoriented. I also capture those who have wandered from the light.
They are delivered to the judgment chamber, where a final residence based upon mortal deeds and actions will be assigned.
They are referred to as lost souls.
I prefer to call them wraiths and strays.
I like this. So much unsaid that you could spill out a novel
DeleteI really like this version of Charon and I sure hope you show us who the judge is. Short with tight writing, excellent!
DeleteEeeexxxcellant...
DeleteMmm. Has the welcome power of a whisky shot.
DeleteI'll settle for a chocolate hit and ignore the whisky, but yes, it does carry one hell of a punch.
DeleteThe Storygiver
ReplyDelete"Close your eyes," he whispered as he cast my mind's eye to another world. My blood quickened, angry horses on a racecourse, knowing the tale he was going to tell. "And I shall tell you the story of the Beastly Wraith."
I had grown up hearing this story (it was my favorite) and each time, though I knew each dramatic pause, each haunted whisper, it never failed to enthrall me.
The storygiver was kind to me, allowing me this bedtime story, as I huddled in my cage, clutching my soiled blanket, my eyes wide.
"Thank you, David."
This is a very good twist on storytelling and I do think it's an excellent one.
DeleteSee, I knew you would come to love your little quarters!
DeleteInsidiously nasty. (The tale, not the writing f it.)
DeleteKnew you'd get the story behind the story, David lol. Thanks guys.
Deletehidden meanings and a whole stack of nastiness all rolled into one!
DeleteThe visuals that accompany this (without actually being detailed) are truly horrific. I just loved it. I hope we get to hear more of this "Storygiver." Magnificent foundation for a great serial.
Delete'As I huddled in my cage' is a bolt of verbal lightning in this imaginative tale, RJ.
DeleteThe Demolition Derby
ReplyDeleteWraiths of past birthdays laughing
Spewing clawed taunts of havoc.
Stubbornly I ignore,
Willingly I repeat.
Statue sentinels;
Piper, Asimov, and de Camp,
Cast their dubious gaze
As I exit the coliseum.
My armor destroyed
My mind;
No longer desires to dream.
I leave more blood on the racecourse floor.
A very thought provoking piece, Jeffrey. I can't claim to fully comprehend everything you deliver, but it never fails to intrigue.
DeleteReplenishing the pantry [Threshold 218]
ReplyDeleteThe random and irregular delivery of food – silent and invisible – had all but ceased. I cast my mind back to when we first arrived and realised it had arrived courtesy of tribute – or ransom – to Raven’s grandmother. They – whoever – had at last realised she was dead.
I confronted Raven. ‘We need find supplies.’
‘There’s a racecourse a couple of furlongs down the road –‘
I stared. ‘I’ll need become much more wraithlike before I eat horsemeat!’
He sniggered at my ignorance. ‘I was thinking transport. I’m tired of being here. Plan one, kill Lant, Plan two find food. Let’s go.’
Love it. Man, you are making me want to try my hand at a serial story.
Deletesensible plans - in time of strife, kill someone, get food. Sandra, you nailed what really happens when there is conflict.
DeleteAnd here comes extreme action once again. Raven, it seems, has made a full recovery and grows restless. We are carried along on his wave of plotting and anxious for the next installment.
DeleteWouldn't killing Lant do both? Maslow would be proud. On a more literary arc, very good and tight writing.
DeleteChange of focus [296]
ReplyDeleteThe central driveway to the house was edged with low white railings, reminiscent of a racecourse. With an immediacy that suggested it was them that triggered it, the smooth green of the adjoining lawns sprouted water.
‘Underground sprinklers,’ then Filip’s pedantic explanation negated when sunlight turned the spiralling water into a cast of rainbow-decorated wraith-like dervishes.
Pettinger’s admiration was short-lived, his impatience to find his son; assure himself all was well, overwhelming appreciation of merely decorative.
Double doors swung open revealing a purple-cloaked emulation of Henry VIII.
Batiste Balincek.
And, wriggling through the gap twixt legs and door jamb, Aleks.
Poetic lines (which are always my weakness, given the fetish I have for words). Really enjoyed "rainbow-decorated, wraith-like dervishes."
DeleteSuch a clear and vivid use of language, Sandra. I could easily picture everything.
Deletevery visual, this instalment. Sometimes you carry it through dialogue, this time it's through images.
DeleteOh, thank goodness Aleks has put in an appearance. I was becoming just a little bit concerned. That "purple-cloaked emulation of Henry VII" is probably one of the most descriptive visuals I've ever encountered. Your pen is wielding magic this week, Sandra.
DeleteI too was drawn to the Purple cloaked Henry VIII and the ambiance your description provided.
DeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #144
ReplyDeleteWell Then
Letter sent we swooped up and over a mountain where-
“Oh no you said they were dead!”
“They are, those are just wraiths.”
“But they have shadows!”
“That’s the racecourse lights.”
“So they’re not casting their own shadows?”
“Exactly.”
“Oh good. Then I believe you but can we leave now?”
Brilliant - especially the racecourse lights casting shadows.
Deleteanother sharply observed instalment, Rosie.
DeleteNot so sure I'm falling for that explanation...but okay. As always this carries you along like a sparkling stream. Almost entirely dialogue this time around too. Very nicely done.
DeleteSharp dialog used to provide description, well done!
DeleteCongrats on your entry last week, Rosie. You came up with another fine one this week.
DeleteThe mad Italian 70.
ReplyDeleteThe political world fields a cast of thousands. They jockey for position, so voting is often like a racecourse, the final count being the finishing line. Some feature as mere wraiths, gaining so few votes one wonders why they bothered to stand. Unfortunately for the remainder of the electorate, one party is tearing itself apart over anti-Semitism claims, so the next election will be extremely interesting for those of us who have no voting rights. If we had… the result would be very different, for we see into the often black hearts of those who wish to be elected.
The Mad Italian has made the prompt words his very own platform this week. I adore all his observations/musings, but I do believe this will have to rank as one of my favourites.
DeleteThis lovely series has shown that you and the Mad Italian are similar to Jeff Randall and Marty Hopkirk. You built around the prompts instead of working them in, very hard and yet very well done.
DeleteThat "jockey for position" a masterstroke!
Delete