And without further ado I'll post words for this week's Prediction:
army
break
blue.
.
The
usual rules apply: 100 words maximum (excluding title) of flash fiction or
poetry using all of the three words above in the genres of horror, fantasy,
science fiction or noir. Serialized fiction is, as always, welcome. All
variants and uses of the words and stems are fine.
Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever
social media best pleases you and, if you like, remind your friends that we are
open to new and returning writers.
This week you have until midnight (GMT) Friday 12th June to post. New words and winners on Saturday. Next week I'll revert to the pattern of Lily Child's original Friday Prediction, and have a Thursday deadline, with new words on Friday.
Thank you, Sandra. Admirable beginning...!!!
ReplyDeleteThe Kitchen
ReplyDeleteHe hadn’t had a single day’s work since he left the military and that was nearly a year ago now.
The army had taught him how to survive and he decided to break into yet another house.
He shoulder-barged his way in through the weak back door and froze.
In the kitchen were five creatures that looked like large rats. They stood upright, each almost a metre tall. They were feasting on a man who was sprawled on the lino, still alive, but barely.
One of the rat-things saw him, its blue eyes gleaming.
It pounced.
Oh welcome indeed Tim - and what a brilliantly gruesome beginning!
DeleteFantastic piece Tim - dark and nasty and twisted - great to have you on board !!
DeleteFantastic piece Tim - dark and nasty and twisted - great to have you on board !!
DeleteLoved the fantastic turn with the intro of the creatures, and I love the cliffhanger ending.
Deleteyikes. nightmarish.
DeleteI wasn't expecting... whatever they were. I thought it would be a surprised house owner.
DeleteOne word. Gruesome. Eek.
DeleteThanks, everyone!
DeleteThis is both visual and visceral. I read it three times in a row.
DeleteVisons of The Walking Dead Rats there, Tim. Oooo!
DeleteVery good beginning, you had me with the rats.
DeleteJeanette Cheezum
This is chilling. Like it.
DeleteNewbie
amazing response to your first week in charge of the Prediction Challenge, Sandra!
Deleteand Tim, this is so nasty, loved it! Good to have you here.
My goodness, if this doesn't give you chills, then nothing will. I would say "lovely imagery," but "lovely" doesn't quite fit the bill, so I'll just say "shudderingly graphic" and leave it at that. Very nicely done.
DeleteBlue-eyed rats bring up a telling image. Suitably macabre. Good story.
DeleteCODE BLUE
ReplyDeleteThe baby-faced Army Instructor was a patronising prick, but he knew his stuff, including thirteen toe-curling ways to break a human arm. Which, sixteen year old Lily Hobbs, crammed into the main marquee in the Hammersmith refugee centre, had to admit was pretty damn cool. Since The Lights Went Out and all hell broke loose - including seeing her mother ripped apart by a starving mob desperate for fresh meat - Lily had been a mess. Now, three months into 'Code Blue', she was ready to fight back and do her bit to stabilise things... do or die!
Fantastic opening line - really attention-grabbing - and insidious nastiness on several levels. Good stuff.
DeleteVery intriguing world and I agree with Sandra about the excellent opening line; great phrasing. I'm rooting for Lily!
DeleteWell, I'm truly hooked.
DeleteWow. I love it :D
DeleteWWZ!! ish
DeleteThis is delightful. Feels like the premise for a series - and I would definitely read it!
DeleteGreat, I'm with, Rebecca, more of this please.
DeleteWould like to read more of this.
DeleteNewbie
good one, Rich, setting up a whole scenario and leaving us wanting more. Clever.
DeleteThis was a very intriguing piece and most definitely sets a scenario for more to come...or at least I hope so. I picked up on a "Hammersmith" reference. Would this be the Hammersmith area of London? Regardless, I'm rooting for Lily and want to know more of her mission.
DeleteCould be part of a bigger story. Like where you're going with the main protagonist.
DeleteLady Commander
ReplyDeleteAn army appeared on Quelara's border the day Commander Saroyan Ender invited Maelor into her bath. Waylaid by a messenger in the hall, the First Maid stuck her head into the room and found the Lady Commander and her companion laughing uproariously over bawdy sea shanties and horrible brine-laced wine.
"By Aleanda's Teat, I bet you it's Wendalarin," Ender said, voice breaking into a husky growl. Her blue eyes flashed in irritation.
Maelor, naked and unconcerned, tossed a leg over the single armchair. "The one that wants to marry you?"
"Aye."
"Persistent fellow."
"A collector with a death wish."
Oh Zaiure, this is gloriously fantastic in so many directions - I especially like 'naked and unconcerned'!
DeleteLove the 'collector'. Baroque and intriguing.
DeleteInteresting. I'd like to read more of this :D
DeleteIntriguing - would def like to read more !
DeleteI am constantly in awe of the richness you bring to your stories - entire worlds created in a few words. This is another fine example.
DeleteReminisces of Casanova come to mind. Very readable.
DeleteI like the sound of Ender. Would like to read more of this story.
DeleteNewbie
this is your usual imaginative and image laden piece, no need for more words, it's all there. These people are so - outrageous it isn't true!
DeleteThis is wonderfully disgraceful and such delectable characterizations. What a tapestry of delights linger within these words. My goodness...well, maybe not goodness, but you know...!!!
DeleteEnjoyed this. Something a bit different and irreverent.
DeleteThe shriek of metal tearing across the air drove me into the foxhole. I looked at where my legs should be, and there was only liquid clay. My ears rang with the sound of destruction. I couldn't lift myself. The earth was holding me fast. Then there was a break, a sudden silence. My eyes were at ground level. I watched as a wall of tanks came towards me, German army songs behind them. Then they were upon me . I looked one last time at the blue of the Belgian sky.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Mashie! And what a vividly horrific picture you've drawn here, epically rich and detailed in only 100 words.
DeleteAnd very sad. Sniff.
DeleteTough stuff, Mashie! Liked the way you kept us as confused about the poor guy's condition as much as he was. Very nice.
DeleteStrong stuff, Mashie. True for some.
DeleteNewbie
Powerful stuff.
DeleteHaunting and powerful with beautiful phrasing. Loved the strong opening line, and how the final line also mentioned the sky.
DeleteThere is a special chill to horror based on real events. You captured it well.
DeleteThe horror of war captured so well, Mashie.
DeleteGood to have you here, Mashie, with excellent writing like that., A vivid depiction of war.
DeleteWhat a compelling piece. The reference to a last look at the "blue of the Belgian sky" is totally heart-wrenching. Beautifully done.
DeleteSad and well pictured. Brings back memories of the war vividly. Well written.
Delete
ReplyDeleteBonaparte said an army marches on its belly, not its feet. I'm inclined to agree. Here on Vega, the blue blood's particularly nourishin; kinda peachy tang, thick as crude and mighty fillin. Sustains a body for a week. Shame the locals ain't so keen on partin with it. Lost a good un last time. Bastards tore his head clean off. But it's time for a break. Boys need to fill their bellies, rest awhile.
I pass a message to my point man, don't need to say a word in a swarm and we sure ain't got no feet. Feedin Time.
Welcome Abi! And this is SO nasty!! In an addictive sort of way, especially the blood description. Beginning with a bang, indeed!
Deletegreat. built up the atmosphere so quick.
DeleteAlmost hear them munchin
DeleteNewbie
Like the rough voice.
DeleteNice... and nasty !
DeleteI really loved the intro line, and the cadence of the narrator's voice. Definitely has a nastiness to it that brings a welcome chill. :)
DeleteThis has great voice, and there's something so fabulous about non-human POV characters. I was actually excited to be grossed out.
Delete"kinda peachy tang, thick as crude and mighty fillin." love it, Noods. Great voice to boot.
Deletethis is clever, a lot of depicting going on in a few words, the character's voice is strong and intriguing.
DeleteThis is so very different from anything posted thus far this week and, in its uniqueness, is captivating. Kind of shivered a bit at the description of the taste of blood, but then shivers are always the sign of a great creepy tale.
DeleteAgree that this has a nasty feel and drags the reader in. Brings in a different world with a great scifi aspect.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete‘Time to break,’ Niall’s voice boomed over the Tannoy. Tools clattered onto workbenches: the drones left their workstations. ‘Keep up.’ Smog shouted over his shoulder. The army of workers broke into a run. Blue gas hissed into the tunnel, freezing some mid-stride. Sounds of snapping limbs reverberated like gun shots. Only the fastest survived. Racing towards the light, swarms emerged onto the open field and dispersed. In the distance, human voices shouting in triumph.
ReplyDeleteNewbie
Welcome Newbie - glad you made it! And yet another gruesome tale of mayhem and mutiple nastinesses, with a kick of a final line.
Delete"Sounds of snapping limbs.." nicely done.
DeleteReally like it - would def like to read some more and find out more about this place !
DeleteVery intriguing world with an excellent rush of tension. I agree with Gita that "sounds of snapping limbs" was a great line.
DeleteThis opens a lot of doors I would be happy to walk through, just to see what happens next.
DeleteOh. Pacy. I like it!
DeleteThank you for your comments - enjoyed writing it.
DeleteNewbie
imagery again! the prompts seem to have generated a lot of images, as shown here. Good one.
DeleteYes great images, v filmic.
DeleteLike to know where this goes? Part of a much bigger story with many questions.
DeleteI can only reiterate what has gone before -- amazing imagery. This most definitely cries out for a continuation. It simply cannot be left there.
DeleteThe blue army break for lunch. The red army seize the opportunity to launch a vicious counterattack along the flank. Suddenly Colonel Aruna falls to the ground. A blue snipper had sneaked a bag of crisps into his sachel and, for him, lunch seemed quite unnecessary. Aruna tries to wipe the red smear from his uniform. Suarez runs out to his colonel without a thought for his own life. Aruna has been hit three times now. With his dying breath he tells Suarez he’s colour blind. Suarez then takes a shot to the head. Only another two lives to go.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Fergus - So much action here, the 'unnecessary lunch' causing more thann a litle queasiness.
Delete"...tells Suarez he's colour blind..." Genius !
DeleteFast-paced, vivid scene. I agree with Rich that the color blind bit added a very interesting element to the story, especially considering the opposing sides are by color!
DeleteThis was very clever in the use of colors and guerrilla tactics. There's a world behind this story, and we've had but a glimpse of it, but it's intriguing.
DeleteMy approach was to get the three given words out of the way ASAP in one short sentence, Then the story should flow from there without further restrictions.
Deleteliked this for its sheer cleverness!
DeleteQuite intricate and well written. Had to read it several times to get the gist of it.
DeleteThis was so entertaining and immensely creative. The use of colour within the tale is priceless.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteApologies folks, no idea why my post appeared 3 times - have deleted the duplicate posts.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMeeting Maria [Threshold 67]
ReplyDeleteHad the blue-striped basin been less beautiful I could imagine breaking it over someone’s head.
But Ravenscar’s brute strength would halt me, laughing; viewing me as nuisance, not potential lover, even though I looked more beautiful than he’d ever seen me.
If I attacked this Maria he’d been with, he’d likely banish me, but I needed to see what I was up against. Ignoring warnings, I pushed open the door.
Arms roped aloft. A naked back, blood-streaked like ketchup running down a just-dipped chip. Black-puddled on the floor.
Ravenscar saw me looking. ‘Army spies always flogged, regardless of their sex.’
For newcomers, this is the latest episode of a serial which began as a one-off but kept going.
Ouch. Great twist to the mention of Maria from last week !
DeleteThat'll teach her, she won't spy again. Like the sound of the m/c.
DeleteNewbie
Definitely a shock at meeting Maria! Excellent description of the woman - nasty but tight, evocative writing.
DeleteOh, that was a delightful twist at the end! And the stakes get even higher. I enjoy this series so much.
DeleteI like the idea of series, Sandra. I may try one myself. Loved this line. "A naked back, blood-streaked like ketchup running down a just-dipped chip."
DeleteOuch, Sandra! Loved the just dipped chip. Very vivid.
Deleteanother good instalment, full of intrigue and clever use of the prompts. Not written my instalment yet, need to see if I can do as well.
DeleteNow this was a gripping continuation. The description of the flogged back was painfully exquisite.
DeleteShe dropped into the party like she had an army behind her and she was the pale, head paratrooper.
ReplyDelete"Snap!" went my better judgement.
A waiter handed her a blue drink in a martini glass, but she handed it back.
"Clear liquids, only," she whispered. She sounded like an orgasm that was building but still had a ways to go.
I broke away from cocktail banter with the usual suspects and dialed for re-enforcements.
"Long tall Sally," I whispered, my urgent code phrase for "something un-dead this way comes."
Ye gods, Gita! I'm glad I prodded you to take part! Fantastic phrases, of which ""Snap!" went my better judgement." is only marginally the best. Well done.
DeleteI like this a lot. Some great phrasing and a story that makes me want to know more!
DeleteEnjoyed reading this. I liked 'clear liquids only...'
DeleteNewbie
Quite the fascinating read! I'm really curious about this world and loved the use of a code phrase.
DeleteSometimes, I run across a sentence that I desperately wish I'd written. This is one: She sounded like an orgasm that was building but still had a ways to go.
DeleteThere is SO much going on in this story, and I would happily dive into more.
funny and scary - is there going to be more? great turns of phrase.
Deletegood to have you here with writing like that!
DeleteAmazing twist at the end. I love the idea of "Long Tall Sally" being a code phrase. This has all the markings of a serialization ... at least I'm crossing my fingers for such.
DeleteA change of focus [130]
ReplyDeleteAn army of blue-helmeted, gun-toting Playmobil© police surrounded the entrance to the Khakbethian embassy.
DI John Pettinger – aka Yanno Petzincek – there by something stronger than invitation, found himself arguing to be allowed to break through the cordon.
Teeth-gritted to the man in charge, ‘Do we know who she’s holding?’
Surreptitious glance behind, step closer, embarrassed whisper.
Well-known name.
‘How? I mean, what’s he there for?’
In hindsight, having long known Vladlina – in both senses despite her being his half-sister – it was a question he needn’t have asked.
Why else would she want a Royal prince if not for breeding?
There is nothing in the rules which says you can only have one go. And this is another long-running serial.
Love it - especially that last line !
DeleteAlways excellent phrasing. :) Loved the line 'there by something stronger than invitation', and the final line was a delightful surprise!
DeleteThat family is so messed up and twisted and I think I love them - and you for bringing them to life. I tend to sigh with satisfaction after I read each episode.
DeleteOoooh! I like it :) I liked that line too, Zaiure
Deletea long running serial that never fails to hold my interest.
DeleteHow you can manage to keep this going at such a high octane level is nothing short of genius. And again, the prompts are so seamless it is necessary to virtually ferret them out.
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ReplyDeleteNo need to apologise Patricia, each of your episodes is entirely enjoyable as a whole. I'm loving the interaction of all your characters - who'll bring us all back next week to find out what happens next.
DeleteI'm going to go back and read the previous instalments, because I really enjoyed reading this and want to know more.
DeleteContact
DeleteHOMELAND HOMELAND SENDING SCAN TITANIUM TRIPLE SHELL SPHEROID. IR DETECTS 7200 ORANGE ON BLUE – THAT'S 7200 LIVE GALTON OVA. IMPACT HOMELAND 37 MINUTES. CONTACT REMAINS 5.
ROGER MANNEKIN
T-30
MANNEKIN MANNEKIN. RETURN DATA INDICATE GALTON ARMY NEUTRON REFLEX SPIKES. YOUR MISSILES INFERIOR.
PLEASE ADVISE
ROGER MANNEKIN
T-20
BREAK CONTACT 5.
CONFIRM BREAK CONTACT 5
MANNEKIN - SINGLE OUTCOME REPEAT SINGLE OUTCOME. PLACE MANNEKIN HOT SIDE. BURN RED.
MANNEKIN - CONFIRM ACTION
MANNEKIN YOU MUST CONFIRM ACTION. BURN RED FELLAS. SORRY. PRESIDENT GRATEFUL. LOVED ONES INFORMED.
T-10 MANNEKIN!
HOMELAND HOMELAND. GOD HELP US. BURN RED IN 5. OVER AND OUT.
Mashie - this is astoundingly different, told in a voice holding the cold clarity of stainless steel.
DeleteGosh, Mashers. Sacrifice for the greater good. Loved it.
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DeleteSorry. New to this site. I may have put my contribution in the wrong place. Oops.
DeleteMashie: Loved the flow of this and the mix of hard decision and realization. Lots of emotion bleeding through the transcript.
DeleteAnother strong and poignant story, Mashie. Really good.
DeleteNewbie
tis good! Looking forward to more contributions from you!
DeleteAnd get another totally different piece. This was outstanding and the writing brilliantly sharp without a wasted word. Magnificent job.
DeleteMISSION ACCOMPLISHED...
DeleteThe Beast Within
ReplyDeleteNo man’s land. The Dark abyss of sorrow. Splintered trees and bloody flesh straddled evil barbs either side. I knew not of glory. The blue summer skies now long forgotten. Unjust brutality greets us every new dawn in this quagmire. Stanley went down knee high in mud. The gargled froth from his lungs echoed throughout our evil trench. After a short break. Shoot. Kill their army they scream. So you shoot. For a moment, you forget they too have parents, sisters and brothers who love them. That's the beast within - our enemies are not the Russians nor the Germans.
Welcome Baz, and what a dark and deep piece you've conjured up, such vivid and visceral images, and as Mashie says, so very moving.
DeleteThere's a gorgeous rhythm to this that only highlights the dark ruminations. So, so good.
DeleteI agree with Rebecca about there being a dark, gorgeous rhythm to this, despite its bleak tone. Very well written, and I thought the title especially fitting.
DeleteVery poetic, Baz! I like your rather antiquated word order, really adds a lot of character.
DeleteGood one, Baz. Brutal, but very human.
Deletethe sharp choppy sentences added to the bleakness of this,. Great writing.
DeleteDarkly descriptive with a supreme sense of desolation. The "gargled froth" is particularly spine-chilling and almost audible.
DeleteYou bring out the futility of it all, the waste and inhumanity. The dark abyss - apt description. Great writing, Baz
DeleteBaz - simple and moving.
ReplyDeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 13-The Station Master (Revised Version)
ReplyDelete(By: Foxxglove)
(100 Words)
With a theatrical flourish, the Station Master entered the Canteen. An adoring Marmalade followed on his heels. He noted the mountain of freshly-baked teacakes.
"You have sufficient there to feed an army, Violet," he boomed.
The simpering waitress reached for one of the special blue-and-white china mugs bearing the Cripplegate crest. "Tea?"
In the corner, Alice continued to sniffle. The Station Master regarded Constance with some severity.
"You are too harsh with the child. You will break her spirit."
His long stride carried him to Clive Bailey's table.
"My dear fellow. What a pleasure to finally meet you in person!"
--------------------------------------
NOTE: This is a continuing installment in a serialization and will doubtless make no sense (or rhyme or reason) whatsoever to anyone who has not read the previous episodes. For that, I apologize.
--------------------------------------
This series is such a delight, engaging all the senses through words alone. I always look forward to reading new episodes.
DeleteRelocating my previous comment :)
DeleteBeautiful scenes, as always. I love this time period, and Marmalade always makes a grand entrance. :)
another good instalment, Patricia, carrying the tale onward with some lovely lines here.
DeleteI'm enjoying the continuing series and the way you easily make use of the prompts. when's the book coming out? Again, nicely written.
DeleteI have finally surfaced from the morass. Thank you, Sandra, for taking over and keeping this party going. For those who are new, this is part of a serial written by me and Colleen. The previous entries can be found here: http://pushcomestoshove.blogspot.com/ We are currently on volume 2, but it's a quick read.
ReplyDelete____________________________
Finding the Up Side
The novelty of being honest with my brother held. “Yes, I can read my mother’s grimoire.”
Nate swore a blue streak.
I contemplated breaking the rest of the news, but at a certain point, truth becomes a death wish. I couldn’t tell him an army of witches saw lines being drawn and decided to form up behind me – unless I wanted him to shoot me. Not even my magic can stop a bullet.
“You should be glad.”
He choked.
I turned the laptop to show him the loom symbol. “Turns out a spell to focus intent works with any technology.”
Superb and unique phrasing as ever Rebecca:"The novelty of being honest with my brother held" and "at a certain point, truth becomes a death wish" just delicious.
DeleteGlad to have you back! I agree with Sandra, you always weave such beautiful phrasing. I loved both the lines she called out, as well as the imagery of 'Nate swore a blue streak'. Also love your use of the army challenge word. :)
Deleteyou've created a believable other world, technology+witchery, interesting. will there be more?
Deleteyet more of the ongoing saga, and an incredibly tightly written episode, too.
DeleteAh, Mashie, there is always more. Colleen and I tried to stop - and we managed for a few months - but Nate and Seth are rather...insistent young men. We can't quit them.
DeleteLove the "army of witches" reference. I can almost see a line of pointed hats brandishing sparking wands marching in tight formation. As always, there is an overwhelming wish that the word limit were longer so there could be more to enjoy each time.
DeleteThe Pioneer
ReplyDelete(By: Foxxglove)
(100 Words)
July 1955
He had no desire for fame or glory, preferring to be known only as "The Pioneer." No army of family or friends to miss him, he assured. No hearts to break at his disappearance. The consummate volunteer for such an endeavor.
March 1956
In the cramped cone, communication fizzled. The Pioneer was now truly alone. He manipulated the craft away from the blue-haloed sphere and its cruel alienation. Through the porthole, the star clusters were acutely brilliant. The Pioneer was the first to witness such majesty. With a terminal sigh, he drifted into the cradle of perpetual orbit.
Desperately sad.
DeleteHaunting and beautiful. Really loved the second half about the Pioneer in space. Vivid imagery I just adore, especially 'he drifted into the cradle of perpetual orbit'. Would love to see this continue!
Deletechilling - yes, does it continue??
DeleteIndeed a sense of sadness and being alone, plus lovely wording.
Delete@Mashie -- No, there is no continuation. The Pioneer has achieved his goal and his story is done.
DeleteSome lovely additions by names I've not seen before. I shall return tomorrow with my comments. What a wonderful creative feast this week...and it's not over yet. Case in point, we have yet to hear from the Captain!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of a serial, so...The Break
ReplyDeleteI can feel the dead. Not with my hands! Yuk! I just know when they're there. I got into trouble at school for blabbing about it, and dad said we're going for a break. We're going to Scotland, to an island to do some archaeology. Boring! He's ex-army, and now he likes digging holes for things. Yawn. We went on a boat across the North Sea. It wasn't blue like you think. More like Coca Cola. I felt the dead sailors at the bottom of the sea, in a metal box I think, but I kept my mouth shut.
Warning, Mashie - serials are addictive! But SO good to write and wonderful for the reader, and I'm wondering where this boat is going to take them, crossing fingers for my favourite place, even though you might have other ideas.
DeleteI think I'll stick just with this serial from now on. I'm officially hooked.
DeleteGo, Mashie. I like the idea of a serial. Coca Cola. I like it. But it has to be Zero :D
DeleteI really like the voice in this and am excited to see where it goes!
Deletehey, this looks like being a superb serial!
DeleteThis is a lighter entry than most others and a pleasant read because of it. I'd like to know more.
DeleteOh yes...!!! Magnificent theme for a serialization. Just so you know, I expect much given this enticing opening episode.
DeleteI agree with Rebecca, loved the narrator's voice. Her attitude really came through and I'm definitely intrigued by the world.
DeleteComments into three figures!! And response from writing friends wonderful to behold. It'll be a nightmare judging a winner, but I'm not complaining - thank you all. And still we await Antonia's Captain :-)
ReplyDeleteOK, here goes. For new people, this is the ongoing saga of Captain Edward Teach, aka Blackbeard, a'sailing the high seas in the Infinity, seeking merchantmen and other booty. He keeps tangling with something unknown, something alien perhaps. He calls it the Creature and it needs human sacrifice. The cap'n is contemplating throwing his First Mate overboard for insubordination. Good enough reason, is it? This is the 100th instalment.
ReplyDeleteInfinity 100.
There’s a break in the weather coming, the blue be fading like my trousers, hung too long in the sunshine. I might use that break to –
Damned if I can’t write the words. It comes to sommat when this cap’n holds back from dropping a man overboard because he has to go – if this were the army I could get him shot but it baint and the Creature be no officer I know of.
And the Creature be hungry. Don’t be asking how I know this, I just do. I wants to know what happens when First Mate be gone…
Unusual indecision by the Captain! I'm hoping he finds a good reason not to feed the First Mate to the Creature ... but what else will satisfy its hunger? And how will he punish him otherwise? Love how you've used 'army' and can't wait for next week's episode.
DeleteLet him feed the First Mate to the Creature. I'm wondering how many crew men will be left before the Captain has to make the ultimate sacrifice? Maybe he and the Creature are inextricably linked? Enjoying the serial.
DeleteThe Captain never fails to surprise and enlighten. Will he follow through and send the First Mate to his doom? I like the veiled reference to some sort of possible bond between the Captain and the Creature that nobody quite understands as of yet.
DeleteDefinitely seems he's going to run out of crew at some point if the Creature's appetite increases. I agree with Patricia about liking the suggestion of some kind of bond with the Creature.
DeleteWow! 100? Love the voice. Yes, it feels as though the Cap'n there has some kind of bond with the Creature.
Deletehmm, might have to look at the back story. Well intrigued. I agree there is some fondness for the Creature, some hope?
Delete
ReplyDeleteBlue shorts. Thigh skimming. Bang on trend. Cute little arse. Picked with Quality Control precision from an army of legs and cute little arses. Programmed to re-populate; impregnating the barren wombs of even the ugliest women with their modified jism.
Bastard clones!
One day, it's a rat's liver nurtured in a Petri dish; next, human's. When will they learn that The God Complex is God's alone?
Our combined cells make monsters. Somehow, I will stop this bastardisation of our race.
'Hey, Cowboy, I'm ovulating. Wanna break your cherry?'
I wonder what it feels like to leave this earth coming.
Yeah, me too! Oh how I love your writing Abi (but also remember I'm sharing a room with you this month!!) Truly brilliant.
DeleteOoer. Gulp.
DeleteI'm loving a 5 min burst, Sandra. Really enjoying the challenge. x I'm a kitten really x
DeleteNice and well pictured. Had to smile.
DeleteAdore this "impregnation" into the mind of the protagonist. And that last question...what a saucy little wench we have here. "Lovely Jubbly" -- to quote a line from "Only Fools and Horses." (I apologize to anyone who doesn't get the reference)
DeleteDefinitely a saucy little piece. My interest in this world is piqued.
DeleteAnother Day
ReplyDeleteThe sparking hzzzsst of the faulty light dragged him from blue-lit nightmares to the reality of concrete walls. He screamed at the army of ants crawling through his sinuses as he fought to break the drug’s hold.
Oh dear lord -- ants crawling through sinuses? How many words was this? I know it has to be much less than 100 -- yes, only 37? How dare you convey so much in under 40 words? Superb submission.
DeleteWell done Michael - I was hoping someone would have an army of ants, and this oh-so-succinct thirty-seven word package contains such depth and breadth.
DeleteDefinitely well done with a short, absolutely chilling piece. Not a fan of ants! And I had to read this right before bed... :) Also intrigued by the title. Sounds like this guy doesn't have the best of luck?
DeleteEek.Snappy... scary.
DeleteVisual and visceral - could imagine damp concrete walls and feel those ants - ugh. Clever writing.
DeleteNewbie
hzzst? brilliant, sharp like a stab. Some comments longer than your piece.
DeleteThanks everyone. I love the challenge of using as few words as possible to get the story across.
DeleteTarget
ReplyDelete“Break a leg”. The Squadron Leader’s voice crackled over the intercom. I pulled my visor down and punched the sequence of luminescent buttons that would propel my Space Fighter away from the mother ship.
Fucking space force, I thought. I should have followed my father’s advice and opted for the army. Or the navy, or air force.
The familiar sick feeling wrenched at my gut as our fighters careened towards the dark line of the enemy force. Stars tumbled. In the distance the blue planet shone, beautiful and vulnerable. Our target.
===========
Jenni (newbie)
The movement in this is intense and compelling. I love that the pilot isn't all gung-ho on his/her decision to join. The terrible notion that we are on that blue planet took this from straight sci-fi to horror. Well played.
DeleteNice twist at the end there and a lovely job at blending the prompt words into the tale as a whole. Welcome....and thank you for an outstanding initial piece.
DeleteThere's cutting it fine Jenni - and finely too, with lovely changes of pace and distance. Andof time too,from "Break a leg" to "Space Fighter".
DeleteThank you. I was hoping that I hadn't committed a huge social blunder by joining in. I stumbled across this page by accident and became fired up by the challenge! Thanks for the comments.
ReplyDeleteHope you'll stay fired up Jenni, and join in as much as you can.
DeleteThanks Sandra. I've followed, but that doesn't seem to be the same as being a member. Nice to be here anyway!
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