Bonfire night is here - I really don't know where the year has gone and how November has stolen up on us already. It was great to see all the variations on the gangster theme last week, with nameless and named men, and nameless and named victims. And those gulls squalling in the background! I loved Terri's spattered shoes, John's half sunken pylons and Jim's rank effluent - a descriptive and atmospheric week for sure.
However, my choice for winner this week is Sandra with Change of focus [446] because I had absolutely no idea how she was going to manage to get the prompt words into a scene with Pettinger naked on his doorstep - but she managed it - and the chillingly laconic "river deliveries" was a delight!
Words for the coming week are crackle, smoke, traitor
Entries by midnight Thursday 11th November, new words posted Friday 12th November
Usual rules: 100 words maximum (excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all three words above in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction is, as always, welcome. All variants and uses of the words and stems are fine. Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever.
Thank you Julia! I was glad to get something down, so evocative were the prompt words. This week's similarly inspiring
ReplyDeleteGood choice, Julia. Sandra's flare shone brightly last week.
DeleteYour entry, Sandra, was an excellent choice for top honors! Congrats!
DeleteAbsolutely delighted to see you receive the accolades you so truly deserve, Sandra. I hope you are well on the way to feeling better.
Deleteso pleased to see you t the top, Sandra! That should go toward getting better!!
DeleteA deserved top choice for this week Sandra. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThe Rice Chronicles
ReplyDeletePop called into the smoky haze as the milk poured down. Snap brooded nearby, convinced the trio was on its last legs. Above, anxious ears awaited.
Pop pop pop, and then a half-hearted snap snap. But no crackle. Crackle was nowhere to be found, his intolerance to lactose getting worse. Of all the maladies…
And then a huge fart erupted, and Crackle joined in, toting a bottle of Maalox. He gave Pop and Snap the thumbs up, attempting a smile. He was getting way too old for this stuff.
I read this scrolling upwards; knew it was your voice before reaching the top. Just hope Kellogs don't know where you live.
DeleteOh no, I just realized I edited traitor out of the story. Drat. I'll consider myself disqualified on this one and try to come up with another.
Deletegreat idea though - really enjoyed it!
DeleteTraitor or not... this is one hell of an idea for a story, John. Your marvelous creativity was on full display with this one.
DeleteAs always, what comes from your imagination is a joy, John. If you hadn't mentioned the missing prompt word, I'm, pretty sure nobody would have noticed.
Deletevery clever, I love surreal stories and this is a good one!
DeleteThe Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 173
ReplyDeleteSarg hurried to the digging point and was pleased to see how the tunnel had progressed. She nodded and patted the walls indicating points where she wanted hidden back-fill traps placed.
‘I want concealed detours to the higher tunnels too. That traitorous rat Venice knows 'is way about sum of the entrance tunnels an’ I want to blow smoke up his furry ass t' let 'im think 'e got the upper hand, but after wot ‘e dun t’ Denzil, if you spot him afore I do, you tear his feckin’ throat out.’ Her voice crackled with anger.
" smoke up his furry ass" - wonderful, and so typically you, Terrie.
DeleteA great second paragraph, Terrie, and a no-holds-barred order from Sarg!
Deleteha ha I loved the way you got smoke in here too!
DeleteLeave it to a dillo to be concerned about the quality of a dig. Nicely entertain, this was.
DeletePrompt words smoothly inserted....hidden even....and the progression of a most exciting and unique story. Always do love them 'dillos.
Deleteoh, good instalment, Terrie!
DeleteThe Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 174
ReplyDeleteAtlas coughed at the intense stink,’ you’re good Tosca, I never even ‘eard a leaf crackle.’
‘Not bad yerself Mate, considerin’ yer size, I only just spotted yuh.’
They both chuckled and watched Nigel’s party stirring up smoky dust on the trail as they arrived.
We got gerbil prisoners too but, if we wheedle out any traitors, I fink they might join us if we tempts 'em.'
‘Yer probly right Tosca, them gerbils ain’t been treated well. That’s a fact.
The others an’ that contraption are up the trail a little, I came back to make sure it wuz you followin’.'
Loving the progress of this.
DeleteNice to see Tosca and Atlas complimenting each other.
DeleteMarvelous impression of fellowship here. Lovely installment.
Deleteyes, superb writing and atmospheric descriptions.
DeleteInhuman
ReplyDeleteFrom the authentic replica of an ancient French tumbrel that lumbered along the cobbled streets toward the scaffold, the condemned waved at the crowd and blew kisses to the females in attendance. The scheduled form of execution, abolished for centuries, had been reinstated to make an example of this audacious traitor who who appeared oblivious to his barbaric fate.
Retribution was basically symbolic. Hung, drawn and quartered in the presence of a crackling and smoking brazier, he remaining stoic throughout as though he felt not a thing.
His entrails, including sensors, actuators and power supply, were taken away for recycling.
Perfectly titled horror.
DeleteSo well written, Patricia! So vividly clear and powerful! Very nice!
DeleteRevolution as entertainment, and keeping the mob happy... very clever
DeleteI enjoyed the condemned blowing kisses to the ladies. Ever so stoic, until the bitter end, like a good robot should be. Very clever, P.
Deleteoh yes, such a good robot... brilliant stuff!
DeletePOOR TASTE
ReplyDelete‘New flavour of cereal this month.’
Most of the brainstormers pretended to take notes.
The boss clacked his feet together as he sat – something he did when excited about one of his own ideas.
‘Really?’ the lickspittle volunteered.
The silence broke beneath the crackles of hastily scrunched pages of scribbles – the boss had risen to stride around the conference table.
‘Smoky bacon.’
‘For the fifth of November?’ one posed incredulously. ‘Bit on the nose.’
Lickspittle gasped and pointed. ‘Traitorous worm!’
There was a flare.
‘He was getting on my nerves,’ Satan declared, kicking Lickspittle’s ashes aside. ‘Me, I love contention.’
Good to have Satan on your side.
DeleteThe description of the bosses "tell" really made this come alive for me!
DeleteWeirdly, I think I'd try smokey bacon cereal. It was fun trying to picture this brainstorming bunch. Nicely done, Perry.
DeleteOh, nice one. Satan is portrayed as quite the character here.
Deletethat's a tough thing to do, make Satan a character who comes off the page/screen!
DeleteChange of focus [447]
ReplyDeleteSuch was the crackle of hostility emanating from Philly Stepcart at being so peremptorily ordered that Pettinger winced on the DCI's behalf; her glare like to carbonise; cause the man to vanish in a puff of smoke. Not that Philly's pointing Pettinger out as the man she'd spent the night with – he become traitor in the DCI's eyes – would do his prospects any good. But betrayal, albeit unintentional, had been good enough to hope for a repeat).
A moment of stillness when the balance of dignity hung in the balance, then, from behind, Aleks' voice: 'Dad, your bum is showing!'
I wonder what happened between Philly and the DCI to generate such sparky hostility!
DeleteI think Aleks may have difused things a bit. Timing is everything.
DeleteFrom the mouths of babes, as the saying goes. Pettinger certainly caught with his pants down on this occasion.
Deleteoh, crackle of hostility, what a great combination of words!!
DeleteThreats from without [Threshold 369]
ReplyDeleteThroat-stinging acridity of smoke sparked ancient fear. So silent the room, I heard the crackle of stress fractures as beams and boards of long-dried timber split asunder along their length. Raven, similarly informed, did not dismiss it. Said, 'Cocktail been persuaded to turn traitor.' He seized the bedsheets, began to fill the bath, dunked and wrung them to a rope which he placed at the foot of the door. Smoke ceased, door glowed and blackened and a hungry roar assured us of the rapacity of the flames and the determination of those outside to very shortly bring about our annihilation.
The silence of fear before the roar of the flames is very evocative, dropped me right into the room with them - eek!
DeleteA somber tale indeed, further enhanced by the threat of annihilation.
DeleteA most atmospheric addition to an already fascinating serialization. How you manage this week after week is really beyond me. I'm afraid my own attempts at continuations have been sadly lacking of late. This is a shining example of what to strive for.
Deleteit's class writing, being drawn in by the sheer quality of writing.
DeleteHow smoothly and crisply this moves along, Sandra. A very entertaining read!
ReplyDeleteHow to make the perfect crackling
ReplyDeleteYou need the right ratio of fat to rind , so cutting a piece of belly meat is good. Score the rind when it is soft, through the fat, making diamonds across the surface.
The trick is, to pour hot water over it, it shrinks the rind and exposes more fat, then let it dry out in the fridge for a couple of days. Before you cook it, rub salt into the cuts.
Get the oven smoking hot, and then get that meat in there!
Such a shame my traitorous ex-husband, sous chef ordinaire, can’t taste himself.
Yikes! I feared this might turn nasty, but not THIS nasty (and guess word restriction prevented the insertion of cloves and cherries)
DeleteI'd hate to see a recipe book written this gal! Well done, Practice!
DeleteSous chef ordinaire... clever stuff. A nice low carb meal.
DeleteOn yeah. Lovely turn about tale. I was not expecting this ending, although I had the feeling some delicious nastiness was brewing.
Deletevery entertaining!!
DeleteEllis 019
ReplyDeleteMy phone chirruped, a message from Kurt. I guess Jasper had found him.
I felt like a traitor having this crush, but something crackled in me when I saw him, an itch under my skin, wanting to get under his skin. He looked so smooth, so perfect.
Had he deliberately put me in danger? I wasn’t trained for undercover work, but I think I was just meant to keep an eye out, see who was in the club?
I lit a Marlboro; something about the way the smoke tendrilled sparked an almost memory.
Cheekbones, curling hair.
A swallowing green gaze.
And then?? And then??
DeleteThis exemplifies a wonderful use of the prompts. Great job, Ellis 109!
DeleteMixing a little business and pleasure, I see. I liked that a Marlboro was lit up and not just a cigarette.
DeleteNicely atmospheric with the curling smoke and curling hair. Very complementary. I'm with Sandra....and then...????
Deletesome clever writing tricks here to keep us riveted, like the Marlboro rather than cigarette, small things do add so much. Good one.
DeleteDO I?
ReplyDeleteI am not the traitor people believe I am.
Okay… I provided non-friendlies minor government secrets, but, so what? Espionage is, after all, a business - albeit one conducted with smoke, mirrors, lies and deceit - a business orchestrated by perfidiously dishonest old men with crackling joints, balding scalps and yellowed teeth who love cold hard cash and nothing else!
I was merely a puppet, a stooge coerced into spying by the intoxicating promise of excitement, adventure… and a few bucks to boot.
That said, do I really deserve to be facing this firing squad?
Yeah, I guess I do.
But not before you have time to post a few more episodes like this. Please.
DeleteA compelling read, Jim. Spying isn't alway so glamorous it seems, despite the promises.
DeleteWonderful example of final resignation to a fate. Wonder how many in past history have experienced such eventual acceptance.
DeleteThat’s What You Get For Telling On Me
ReplyDeleteThe flames crackled and the smoke billowed. Somewhere in the burning house the traitor cowered. Kate waited in the garden with a big stick. When he came running out, she’d give him what’s for. The brat deserved everything that was coming to him. He was a blabber mouth and a cry baby. Just because they’d stored their parent’s dead bodies in the garden shed didn’t mean he had the right to go telling tales to their corpses any time she gave him the odd punch or kick.
Well-evoked sibling warfare.
DeleteNice description of a sister sibling that no one would want. I fear her brother is toast!
DeleteLet's see, smoke inhalation or getting offed with a big stick. Decisions decisions.
DeleteEvil-minded children are definitely counted among my favourite characters. To quote Britney Spears, they're "not that innocent." This had a delightfully humorous backdrop to the events taking place.
Deletethis grabbed my imagination straight away, which is what every editor looks for - good one!
DeleteTrue Crime
ReplyDeleteA wisp of smoke hung above the crackling fire as the traitor turned the possum roasting on a spit. Feral cats crouched, just out of reach of the firelight. How much longer would he be out here, in the middle of this desolate woods? A coyote howled.
The traitor recounted his wrongs. He wanted to atone, but he didn’t know how. Screw them all, he thought. The traitor was just following his heart. They could find another president for the Justin Bieber fan club. He was an Ed Sheeran fan now.
Just as I was soaking up the nature ...
DeleteIndeed, this could have only been born from your talented plume and your wonderfully twisted imagination with a flair for the humorous. I would have known this to be your baby even if your name hadn't been posted as the author, John.
Deletedefinitely a good piece of writing, drawing us in... this has been a very good week for entries!!!!
DeleteWOW! A most dangerous move by this traitor. At least he knows that a possum provides a very tasty meal.
ReplyDeleteThe joys of mediumship
ReplyDeleteIt took shy, anxious, nervous Guy Fawkes some time to speak to me; it took even longer to persuade him to talk. Guy is one of the world’s most notorious villains – the truth is vastly different. It so often is. Guy was a loyal soldier with a deep faith, a horrendous torture experience and execution. This has come down to us over 400 years and become mangled, as so much history has been and continues to be in this so-called age of enlightenment. Listen for the crackle of bonfires, as myths are burned and truth arrives to take its place…
I always felt that Guy Fawkes was something of a "patsy" for want of a better word. Regardless, I still remember with much fondness my childhood memories of requesting "penny for the guy."
DeleteI've heard of Guy Fawkes, but knew little about him. So I looked him up. Thank you for prompting me to learn something. Good luck keeping him talking.
DeleteStop the week
ReplyDeleteNothing much happening, an odd November feeling of not getting ready for Christmas until the crackle of bonfires for the fireworks and then the gunfire from Remembrance Sunday fades away in trails of smoke, one ‘traitor’ commemorated and others, who led men into war in disastrous campaigns, are lauded… I’m a Guy Fawkes fan, you may have noticed… a customer asked why we had fireworks and what it was all about… where do you start with a history lesson of events that began 400 years ago??? And the central villain is standing right by my side?????
That is one of my overpowering recollections of November in my younger years...the pervading atmosphere of smoke and chilly nights. I was a curiosity among my family. The only one born during the winter months. Yes, I know November isn't classified as winter, but it always felt that way to me.
DeleteI admire your passion for remebering those from the past. So many times, I suspect, the facts get jumbled in lore and muddled with handdown stories that get exaggerated.
DeleteThe Mad Italian
ReplyDeleteThe question is: who is the traitor in the current sticky moment in which the PM finds himself? Wrongdoing on the part of MPs should signal the crackle of a bonfire of vanities, the biggest vanity being the PM who thinks his party members are beyond reproach and who in turn think they are hidden behind smoke screens. Your technological world is used by many with much stealth to bring down fellow politicians, as in the MP who was having an affair - on camera… this is a critical time, this is your world about to change.
I'm not sure there's any world leader worthy of trust and dependability these days. I held out much hope for Biden, especially in the wake of Trump, but thus far, he seems to have been somewhat ineffectual.
DeleteIf only we could be sure that change would be for the better! Love the crackle of a bonfire of vanities
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI think the Italian hit on something concerning our technological world. There are cameras and ears everywhere. In the old days, one could get away with quite a bit. Not now.
Delete