Friday 27 November 2020

Wrapping books to Guns'n'Roses …

 … Eighteen of them – everyone's getting books from me this year, as a thank you for the services of our local independent bookshop during lockdowns – and took me nearly as long to work out the Royal Mail website for parcel collection, but all done now. Yet  to discover whether we'll be travelling to spend Christmas with child 1 and child 3.

 Today's discovery, for you, is that Terrie's The Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 129 is this week's winner, for the simple reason that I found it highly entertaining – and know I'm not the only one.

                                                this week’s words are:  allocate butler cushion

Entries by midnight Thursday 3rd December, new words posted Friday 4th

 Usual rules: 100 words maximum (excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction is, as always, welcome. All variants and uses of the words and stems are fine. Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever.

89 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Great job, Terrie. Your endearing 'dillos never fail to entertain.

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    2. I am glad you are enjoying reading about the 'Dillos as much as I am enjoying writing about them.

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    3. congrats, Terrie and keep those dillos coming!

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  2. DEFIANCE

    “I’m a buster,” Dooney announced, toddler arms barely supporting the jagged-necked bottle and tattered rag he was balancing on a rusty hubcap.

    Joanie‘s weariness had drained any tolerance previously allocated to Dooney.

    “BUTLER, not buster,” she snapped.

    “Buster, buster, BUSTER!”

    It was twilight and his voice was strident amid the dimness, a clarion of obstinacy.

    She loomed over him. “Say that again!”

    “BUS–”

    Gaping, she watched his little body cannon off the ladder and into the darkness below.

    ***

    “JOANIE!”

    She started free of her nightmare.

    Damn, she’d nodded off, she berated herself.

    Dooney was offering her a grimy cushion.

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    Replies
    1. Parenthood personified ... on a bad day. Poor Joanie.

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    2. Ye4s, parenthood has it challenges. But that Dooney certainly makes the best of what he can get his hands on.

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    3. Loved the line 'It was twilight and his voice was strident amid the dimness, a clarion of obstinacy.'

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    4. really felt sorry for Joanie, toddlers are a nightmare - which gets bigger, unfortunately... good use of the prompts, Perry

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    5. Great use of the prompts and a very neat little twist ending. What a marvellous name for a toddler is Dooney.

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  3. Kursaal (Episode Two Hundred Nineteen) - "Never Tell"

    An oval annex behind the Hoochie Coochie Tent was allocated by Eli Cornelius as an area of additional adult entertainment. Supplemental pittances assured appropriately-aged patrons what Eli referred to as, "saucy sights."

    The outer vestibule, furnished with velvet sofas sporting plump saffron cushions, served as a foyer for those awaiting entrance through the heavy curtain to the inner sanctum.

    There, a freestanding viewer played, on a constant loop, an erotic mutoscope labelled, "What The Butler Saw." Upon departure, every customer was obliged to sign a Concealment Contract not to reveal what they had observed.

    It remained an unbroken promise.

    --------------------------------------------------------
    To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
    http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
    A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    NOTE: Eli Cornelius and his Hoochie Coochie Tent have both featured in previous episodes.

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    Replies
    1. Darn - close-lipped so-and-sos.

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    2. Conceal Contract or not, I'd be prone to blabbing about the saucy sights I'd seen. I like the name Eli Cornelius. You come up with the most apt names.

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    3. I wish I could better remember to press 'publish' after I comment!! What captured both attention and imagination for me was "erotic mutoscope"

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    4. You were very clever with your words in this, conveying the perfect decadent atmosphere. :) Now I can't stop wondering what the butler saw!

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    5. Clever use of the prompts as well as an exercise in how to write of saucy things without ever saying it. Good one!!

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  4. No Laughing Matter

    My work colleagues gave statements against me. Said I was constantly miserable and illegally bringing down the mood in the office. I was found to be in direct breach of the Universal Declaration of Compulsory Happiness.
    In my allocated bright yellow cell I sit on a whoopee cushion as they pipe in ‘Yes I Do Feel Better’ by McAlmont and Butler on a continuous loop. They tickle my feet. They send in the clowns. The warden says if I don’t crack a smile soon they’ll transport me to the Disneyland penitentiary to endure five years hard laugher.

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    Replies
    1. jdeegan536@yahoo.com28 November 2020 at 17:14

      Talk about something different! This is really off the wall... and very good, David!

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    2. That really IS a nightmare situation - horribly well-conceived.

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    3. Very entertaining, David. Some Prozac or something similar may be in order here.

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    4. Fun and horrible, perhaps as my feet are incredibly ticklish. :) Loved the lines 'They tickle my feet. They send in the clowns.' Not the clowns!!

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    5. twisted surreal nightmarish situation, one of David's specialities.
      Really superb imagery here, David.

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    6. Magnificent out-of-the-box entry. However, given my irrational fear of clowns, I'm afraid that their entrance in my case would totally push me over the edge. Love the song though. Had to chuckle at the thought of a "Disneyland penitentiary."

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  5. Any Last Words?

    I have no time to dilly-dally. Miss Mayberry needs her cushions plumped and waits for her afternoon pot of tea. She relies on me so and with no close relatives now, allocation of her sizable fortune, or at least a goodly portion, may well fall into my lap if I continue to play my cards right.

    I understand his final statement before the trap door dropped and the noose tightened around his neck was: "The butler did it!"

    Foolish boy!

    Did he really believe anybody was going to take notice of that old chestnut?

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    Replies
    1. Superb Patricia-esque twist on an old tale - never fails to impress.

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    2. I like Sandra's Patricia-esque. Everyone wants an esque. And well dissevered too.

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    3. I loved this! Casual, cold blooded and calculating all with a shy ladylike smile... and money counting in her head...

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  6. Sorry for the language – I needed the emphasis.

    BARD

    “Thank God,” Caolin breathed as they reached the dead zone cushioning the settlement from nightly perils.

    Colm walked a piece more before lowering the boy onto the weathered stump of a pillar which, with its partners, had once supported fancy entablatures at the entrance of a building whose devastation now hit disproportionately hard.

    “He couldn’t recall when the confectionery factory had come to Derry but a memory of the Butler’s Chocolate Experience brought both salivation and lachrymation.

    Unduly guilty, he scolded himself for so allocating precious water.”

    Colm glared at Caolin. “Are you fucking narrating?”

    The boy zipped his lips.

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    Replies
    1. This another of those pieces so strongly narrated that not only is it visualised, but the background music heard as well.

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    2. Maybe Caolin was narrating, but it was some pretty good narration. I liked how you described the derelict building.

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    3. me too, lots of images going on which is always good. Cold and nasty scenario very well captured.

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    4. Like Antonia, my appreciation of the images created in this piece defies words.

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  7. Through a glass, darkly [Threshold 327]

    Raven hustled me into the SUV from where I blearily watched the birds re-gather, this time shepherded by a larger bird whose white-tipped wings gave it the air of butler, overseeing an unruly gathering of greedy, just-graduated diners, ignoring seat allocations and soon to reach the throwing rolls stage.

    I, stomach cramping and yearning for food to cushion my protesting stomach, as well as padding of some sort for my close-to-the-surface protruding bones, was not optimistic.
    And as the promised rescuers got nearer, and Raven's face changed from anticipation to concern, I wondered whether death the more attractive option.

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    Replies
    1. Great. I've taken to watching this sort of scenario with magpies after I throw crusts out the back garden. It's delightful there - and masterfully represented here in a setting which would do the old TV series 'Menace' proud.

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    2. The re-gathering of the birds was a nice touch, adding to the bleak situation. I had a bad feeling about these so called rescuers from before and I still don't trust them.

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    3. never trust the birds, they all have their own agendas, and certainly add shadows to the situation. Cold as ever, which fits this serial to perfection.

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    4. Outstanding image of a large bird whose white-tipped wings gave it the air of a butler. I don't believe a better analogy has been used this week. I trust the despair being experienced by our young protagonist will pass.

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  8. The prompt words were challenging so I just had to see how many different ways I could use them in this growing world which has sprouted from your challenges.

    SAVIOUR

    Mary wasn’t a saint. She really hated being mother, doctor and butler to the orphans when the agreed roster allocated ‘home duty’ to her while the others fanned out on scavenging hunts and/or quests for a better, safer location.

    There was no deliberate search for more survivors, but Mary could never just leave them. The others were quiet about their own policies, but the way Thomas glared at her ‘finds’ froze her guts.

    Sometimes he’d try to joke his attitude away, but nothing could cushion the perception of malice in such begrudging announcements as…

    “Great, Colm’s brought the whelp back.”

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    Replies
    1. I've always been a serial serialiser Perry, but it DOES seem to be catching here. Doesn't 'whelp' have a glorious resonance, somehow?

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    2. When characters get a hold, it's hard to shake them. Noth that we'd want to, really. And yes "whelp" rose from my countryfolk relations - a favourite utterance of contempt.

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    3. Yeah, when you say something like Thomas sis, it's hard to joke your way out of it. Probably best for Mary, though, to know how he feels.

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    4. another cold scenario, with disheartened and life hardened people trying to make the most of it. Now I know why I'm not writing any more...

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    5. What a total "kicker" of a last line. Perfect conclusion to a perfect installment.

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  9. For a heart-stopping moment there, I looked at the prompt words again and thought I saw butter instead of butler...!!!

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    Replies
    1. I think I've done that three times now; written about the wrong prompt word. At least you caught yourself.

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  10. Change of focus [402]

    Aleks' innocent allocation of sexual intent to his father lowering Philly Stepcart to his bed; to Philly's clinging tightly to him, doubtless fearing his next trick would be to drop her, set Pettinger's cheeks to red, but had the merit of temporarily diverting Philly.
    Pettinger ordered, 'Get some tea-towels, to stem the blood. And a cushion to raise Philly's foot; slow the flow.'

    Aleks returned, a tray balanced on splayed fingers, cloth draped over his arm, smudge of black across his top lip. 'Papa! Who am I?'
    Impatient. Then relenting, 'Don't know. A butler?'
    Philly laughed. 'Manuel from Fawlty Towers!'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Humour in the face of adversity.

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    2. It was good to see Philly laugh. I think this incident will improve the relationship.

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    3. jdeegan536@yahoo.com2 December 2020 at 16:53

      Fawlty Towers... what a great show that was. I loved this one.

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    4. just two of my all time hates, Fawlty Towers and Monty Python...
      but yes, the charade fits perfectly into this instalment.

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    5. Unlike Antonia, I adored "Fawlty Towers," along with anything and everything created by any of the Pythons. Given that, I applaud young Aleks' taste in comic situations. Must be inherited from his father.

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  11. Clean Up in the Library

    “Wish we had a butler,” Gabriel says, for the hundredth time. “They could sort this.”

    I roll my eyes and kick the cushion under the sofa. Like always, he’s leaving the hard work to me. “Would you help already?” I gesture at the rolled rug. “You get the easy end.”

    “Easy?” Gabriel’s face pales, the skin tightening around his eyes. “I can see his...its...feet.”

    “Yeah? You want the head then?”

    He grimaces. “No. Where do we...you know...”

    “Baldwin allocated the lower garden.”

    “He what? You think there will be more of them?”

    “Duh. It’s an invasion.”

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    Replies
    1. Brilliant leap from domestic to dead bodies!

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    2. Looks like they're going to need more rugs. Very enjoyable and well written, Holly.

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    3. jdeegan536@yahoo.com2 December 2020 at 16:49

      Sounds as though Gab better wise up if he's going to be of help. A good read, Holly!

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    4. Love the casual domesticity.

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    5. rugs mean bodies but this goes further than that and loses the prompt words quietly and efficiently as it goes...

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    6. Reminded me of an Oscar Wilde play. Such an entertaining and wholly enjoyable little tale.

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  12. Cripplegate Junction/Part 250 - Chugga-Chugga-Choo-Choo

    Violet had no desire to cushion the blow of lingering at Cripplegate after the train's departure. Provided the Station Master also remained (unlikely he would desert his post) the former waitress was content.

    Not so the Grande Dame, who couldn't wait to return to her stately home complete with gardener, cook, parlor maid and devoted family butler.

    Tickets issued and seating allocated, it was the Conductor's responsibility to ensure everything now moved smoothly. As the train began its journey...huffing and puffing...he looked to the Station Master for permission to board and faced a sardonic expression that neither confirmed nor denied.

    -------------------------------------------------------
    To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
    http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
    A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
    ----------------------------------------------------------

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As soon as I read the title, the excitement grew. What a ride this has been, Patricia. I'm honored to be a witness in the making. The poor conductor, though; at that puffball stationmaster's mercy.

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    2. Patricia, you do realise we're going to need to know about Violet and the stationmaster, don't you? Even after the train has gone.

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    3. Ah...but it ain't left yet.
      :::::insert evil grin:::::

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    4. Oh I've seen those stationmasters.

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    5. me too, Perry, and how well described is this one!
      Evil grins galore with this serial...

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    6. Hmm... a conundrum for the Conductor. What's he to do? SO entertaining!

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  13. Domestic help; or lack thereof

    I washed the last fork and dried it with the soiled cushion cover. I guess I was the butler now, though a far cry better than the other things I’d endured. I tiptoed toward my allocated room.

    “Hey, cubby, rub my back, will ya?” He took a long pull from his beer. “Now, cubby. Where the hell did you go?”

    The sound of alarmed gurgling interrupted my self-induced trance. Tyrone grappled with the knife point protruding from the front of his throat.

    Well now, how the heck did that get there?

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    Replies
    1. Interesting how shudder-making that soiled cushion cover; almost eclipses the knife-in-throat Tyrone.

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    2. plenty of 'yuk' in this one, starting with the cushion and ending with the casual offhand comment about the knife, how well done is that!!!

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    3. jdeegan536@yahoo.com3 December 2020 at 16:37

      '... washed the last fork...' makes me wonder what happened to other forks you may have had. Not used for dining, I imagine.

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    4. This simply begs for a continuation. So many questions left unanswered that I, for one, demand answers.

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  14. jdeegan536@yahoo.com1 December 2020 at 17:45

    THE RULEMAKER

    This cushion of additional life allocated to me was growing short. I know this because the RULEMAKER, who speaks to me while I sleep, told me so.
    Thus far in my extended life, the RULEMAKER has instructed me to kill and eat my wife and our butler.
    I have done so.
    Last night the RULEMAKER informed me that the maid must be dispatched. I must hurry, for this alive time is very short.
    Restricted by the jacket I wore, I struggled from the narrow bed to the door. “Guard!” I shouted. “Let me out! There is something I must do!”

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    Replies
    1. Yes, those jackets can be very restricting. I think it's about time for this guy to request his last meal. Hopefully it won't be fried maid, but the variety served on death row.

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    2. "This cushion of additional life" - what an attention-grabbing opening sentence.

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    3. Darn inconvenience being interned.

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    4. certainly is, what a brilliant horror situation shown here! More please...

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    5. To echo Antonia...brilliant indeed. This would be a standout in any horror anthology. Shows what can be amazingly portrayed with a bare minimum of words.

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  15. The Joys of Mediumship 33
    I’ve been doing my best to allocate time to the Politicians book which I want to see out there. Howard Taft came to visit, bringing Ronald Reagan with him. Ronald had long since given me his message, he was almost acting like a butler, carrying a cushion with a medal on it. Combined, they were bringing new messages of what a President should do, how they should legislate to make life better for their people. I am wondering how many other Presidents have joined in what feels like a delegation. Is the outgoing President likely to take any notice?

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    1. Good question, Antonia. I doubt the "outgoing President" takes much notice of anything other than what his own gigantic ego dictates.

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  16. Stop The Week; I Want To Get Off (126)
    While drying goes on, I’m allocating time to sorting what’s fit for dumping and what we can salvage, Clearing up is down to a wet carpet, bags of rubbish and damaged goods. We’re seeking advice from the loss assessor so we can move on whilst accepting we’ve lost the Christmas trading. No way can we clear out and have new flooring in time to open for the festive season. I’m working half days, a cushion against screaming lockdown boredom, busy listing damaged items and separating good stuff. A lot of books have been ruined which distresses me more than anything.

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    1. I feel your pain about the ruination of books, Antonia. Although I appreciate the convenience of modern devices such as iPads and Kindles, to me, there is nothing so satisfying as opening and turning the first page of a brand new book and inhale deeply of all that it has to offer.

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    2. Like Patricia, I too would mourn the books.

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  17. The Mad Italian (185)
    Is it possible for someone, anyone, to allocate a portion of their common sense and transfer it to the person who, with a butler’s precision, is bringing to the fore every single action that the legal world has at its fingertips to delay the full handover of power. I fear not. He will fail and this will grant him the one thing he despises, the label of loser. Nothing but nothing can cushion him from that fact. He has, unfortunately, not only lost the presidency but the democratic process, the stability of the country and the many Covid deaths.

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    1. I doubt he will ever truly admit defeat. He will go to his grave insisting there was a conspiracy bound and determine to overthrow him from office. To quote an old saying we used when I was a child: "Good riddance to bad rubbish!"

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    2. jdeegan536@yahoo.com24 January 2021 at 00:04

      I am hard pressed to understand how liberals can so hate a man who accomplished so much good for our country, and I won’t let spiteful and spurious comments about him go unanswered.


      President Trump:
      *brokered two Middle-East Peace Accords.
      *is the first president that has not engaged the U.S. in a foreign war since Eisenhower.
      *had a tremendous impact on the economy by creating jobs and lowering unemployment in all minority populations. *Better secured our southern border from invasion by illegal aliens.
      *turned NATO around and had them paying their dues.
      *neutralized the North Koreans.
      *turned our relations with the Chinese around, brought scores of businesses back to the U.S.
      *lowered taxes, increased the standard deduction on IRS returns from $12,500 for Married
      Filing Joint to $24,400 and caused the stock market to move to record levels over 100 times. *fast-tracked the development of a COVID Vaccine.
      *rebuilt our military, which the Obama administration had crippled.
      *worked for free and lost over 2 billion dollars of his own money serving the U.S. – and has done this and much more despite relentless undermining and opposition from democrats.

      Thank you, President Trump, and God bless you.

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