Performance last week rich and
varied as ever, on top of which we were treated to the extra – and to me
surprising – ingredient of cocktails, only superseded by the ever-intoxicating
treat of Terrie’s use of language.
Yet for me there was an instant stand-out, for reasons which I’ll not attempt
to analyse, as mush because it makes a change not to suffer half an hour of
face-screwed indecision. So thank you David,
for the wonderful 'Serengeti Incident'.
And thank you to the rest of you for writing and for commenting.
Words
for next week: deck, inchoate, serrate
Entries
by midnight (GMT) Thursday 30th May, words
and winners posted Friday 31st
Usual rules: 100 words maximum
(excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above
in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction
is, as always, welcome. All variants and uses of the words and stems are fine.
Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever
social media you prefer.
David, a fantastic story for the top spot. A nod to Terrie for her runner up story.
ReplyDeleteWay to go David. I would have chosen 'Serengeti Incident' for the title alone, but luckily the story lived up to its name.
ReplyDeleteAnd Terrie, your language skills are very enjoyable.
Very nicely done, David. A most magnificent top choice entry. And congratulation also to Terrie...always among the contenders, I'm sure.
DeleteJust a little observation here, I find it interesting, as well as a tribute to the various styles to be enjoyed by The Prediction's submitters (is that a word?), that it's often very easy to determine who composed a certain piece by the very nature of how it is written without the necessity to even look at the name of the author.
Congrats David and Terrie!
Deletemany congrats to David and Terrie!
DeleteVolcanic Love
ReplyDelete“Do you believe in magic?” he said with a serrated smile.
“Of course,” she said, an inchoate glint in here eye.
“Then you’ll understand when I disappear.” He glanced at his watch. His new lover would be pulling into the driveway soon in her decked out Land Cruiser. He turned and rattled the door, then rattled it again.
“Do you believe in forever?” she said.
“Of course,” he said, giving the thick door another rattle. He knew now why she wanted to talk in the basement. He slowly faced her -- the first shot hit him right in the dick.
Oh, John, you rarely fail to entertain, and this one does so in spades. Especially love the 'serrated smile'.
DeleteI also loved 'serrated smile'. Quite the image! And “Do you believe in forever?” was an excellent line right before he found the door locked. Very enjoyable!
DeleteAnd I was singing the song from Pilot, after that first line. Well a murderer can't be a turnkey, can she? Excellent story John.
DeleteI echo all of the above.
DeleteAnother phrase that I really liked was '
"'Of course,' he said, giving the thick door another rattle."
What a light bulb moment and you are so good at slipping that snippet of humour into the horrific events you reveal.
Ouch! I echo the sentiment of the phrase "serrated smile." Love that.
DeleteWhere other of her shots may have hit really don't matter. Your last line is a very fitting conclusion, John.
DeleteOh, nice one John! I now have "Do You Believe In Magic" by the Lovin Spoonful on a continuous mind loop...but no matter. It's worth the repetition for such a compelling little tale.
DeleteDeceivers [2]
ReplyDeleteDead sycophants litter the pearly deck; bodies bent in misguided seduction. Filmy eyes stare as I pass, still echoing adoration and terror.
I stumble, and Calliope’s serrated blade catches on my back.
“They’re here,” she whispers. Here in this grand hall, Calliope’s enthralling presence seems inchoate. Ruin has come to me on the whims of a child.
I giggle irrationally, helplessly. Calliope’s angels are real.
The gold-eyed one, Zachriel, looks hungrily back at me. His gore-painted mouth curves. His canines are translucent. “That one,” he says. “Her soul will feed our ship for days. Kill the other.”
Finally continuing the Angels story.
Oh lord - what nightmarish horror in gore-painted mouth and translucent canines.
DeleteClever insertion of the prompts Holly. You create a tension in every line that pulls you into the next. So many wonderful phrases –
Delete‘bodies bent in misguided seduction’
‘Ruin has come to me on the whims of a child.’
I giggle irrationally , helplessly’
And of course the final two lines, so powerful and, as Sandra says, nightmarish.
Looking forward to the continuation.
What a word 'sycophant' is. I had to look it up but I'm glad I did. And what a phrase 'bent in misguided seduction' is. I can only imagine what they were doing when they died. Great story, Holly. And thank you for using your name now - I could never remember how to spell Zaiure (Zauire).
DeleteSuch rich descriptions here. Wonderfully done.
DeleteCrisp, vivid, no-nonsense use of language here, Holly. The images you created exploded beautifully in my mind's eye!
Deletewhat is there to say but class writing.
DeleteI do hope this is a true continuation and not a conclusion. What a wonderful otherworldly kingdom is created here. Zachriel, Angel of Memory, is far from merciful it would appear. Could anything be more visually descriptive than a "gore-painted mouth"?
DeleteThank you everyone!
DeleteHolly, a very good opening line. Not sure if it's intentional but Calliope was the chief of the Muse's. A very well done story.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jeffrey! It wasn't, but that does seem very fitting. :)
DeleteChange of focus [330]
ReplyDeleteThe nerve-serrating clatter and the ever-evolving geography of Schiphol’s tulip-titivated terminal did nothing to ease Pettinger’s sense of inchoate doom. Attempting to kill rather than cure, he seated himself in one of several giant-size Delftware teacups, afloat on a wood-decked sea, to consume a jam scone and a pot of tea.
Wiping crumbs from his mouth, waiting for the tea to cool, he let his head fall back. Closed eyes. Let mind drift back.
It probably had been stupid to succumb to Vladlina’s especial brand of expertise, but –
His name!
Interspersing flight announcements, his name!
Had they read his mind?
The description of the terminal is a feast for the senses! I loved your description of the 'teacups, afloat on a wood-decked sea.' There was a very surreal feel to this scene that I enjoyed.
DeleteI enjoyed the way you used the prompt words, Sandra. Opening with 'nerve-serrating clatter' was so evocative.
DeleteAlthough he senses he not out of the woods yet, I also liked the slowed down pace of both the scenery and Pettingers musings .
Just as we begin to relax with him… bam! Tension rears and Pettinger is back on high alert . Great stuff .
A Through the Looking Glass feel to this story. Tantalizing descriptions wrapped in some tight narration.
DeleteAre there really floating teacups at Schiphol’s airport? Leave it to the Dutch. (At least I think Schiphol is in The Netherlands). There's nothing like Pettinger being on high alert.
DeleteJohn, there really used to be cups masquerading as boothed tables but when looked for an image I could only find one. The place IS ever-changing so more than likely they've been changed.
DeleteI guess you'll have to go to Amsterdam and find out for sure.
DeleteAs always, superbly done. I've missed these stories.
Deletewelcome again, Jerry
DeleteSandra, great instalment!
The last time I had a jam scone aboard an aircraft was years ago when I flew Caledonian from Miami to Heathrow. When (and why) did they do away with such yummy delights? It even came with clotted cream! Anyway...Pettinger hearing his name being called is very Twilight Zone. Is his mind playing tricks or is he really being summoned?
DeleteKursaal (Episode One Hundred Sixty Five) - "Amber And Aspic"
ReplyDeletePrimrose Lee, elixirologist and owner of the Emporium of Enchantments, was always delighted to see her cousin, Apollonia. The visits, heralded by Apollonia's arrival in an elaborate vardo pulled by an Irish Cob decked out in polished horse brasses and rainbow rosettes, was rare. She delivered caged grasshoppers to Primrose, who encased them in amber for sale as charms and amulets.
Those inchoate specimens unsuitable for Primrose's trade were taken to Charlotte "Lottie" Fitzroy, manageress of Lottie's Larder. Lottie sliced the insects with a serrated knife and set them in aspic.
The delicacy never failed to sell like hot cakes.
---------------------------------------------------------
For John, who expressed an interest in Apollonia (of last week's "Desperate Times...Desperate Measures") visiting the Kursaal.
---------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: Primrose Lee and Charlotte Fitzroy, together with both of their places of business, have featured in previous episodes.
Patricia, your inventiveness and imagination know no bounds and your dexterity with the prompts is truly, in the English sense, awesome.
DeleteI second Sandra's comment! I'm always enchanted by your imaginative additions to the Kursaal. Something about those caged grasshoppers stuck very vividly in my mind.
DeletePrimrose and Apollonia remind me of a match and gasoline. Loved the charms that she sold. Nice use of the prompts.
DeleteThank you for allowing Apollina to arrive in style. These enchanted grasshoppers should serve well for the purposes described. I can't help though, to pronounce the savory jelly Lottie uses as 'ass pick.'
DeleteI'm always amazed at how you guys can pack so much in 100 words. Well done, Patricia.
DeleteI so enjoyed Apollonia's wonderfully descriptive arrival in Kursaal. Brilliant use of the prompts words…definitely felt a little sorry for the grasshoppers who really don't stand a 'hop' in hells chance.
DeleteEnjoyed Johns 'ass pick' comment too and have to say I chuckled loudly.
only the English say aspic properly... lovely instalment, Patricia.
DeleteSlow-impact agony [Threshold 252]
ReplyDeleteStupidly, it took time for the inchoate awareness of betrayal to seep into my head. For the destruction – saw-tooth serrated, each tooth caustic-tipped – of belief that, despite his sometime reluctance, he really did value, appreciate, want me. For my heart to become bleeding, jagged ribbons.
Blindly, I turned away. Felt for Tosca’s bulk and she, expressing solidarity, stood firm and let my tears soak into her flank.
Pain played its part; my burns still stung to touch, but for the first time I felt the deck of cards from which my life had been dealt had been a cruelly-marked one.
Heart-wrenching. I really loved the phrasing in that second line - 'saw-tooth serrated, each tooth caustic-tipped', as well as how you described Tosca's comforting presence.
DeleteI so enjoy this series. Up until last week’s entry of Threshold I had started to like Raven a little and felt he was somewhat misunderstood as well as redeemable but he rides roughshod with ease over every ones feelings and expectations.
DeleteExpertly expressed feeling from the lady and impending sense of - What twisted plot is Raven about to unleash now, along with... will our heartbroken female protagonist gain strength to unleash one of her own. Waiting with anticipation.
Emotionally charged writing and love is as much a first sight as it is an evolution. For me letting my tears soak into her flank, was a great line.
DeleteThis continuation was perfect considering Raven's shattering words from last week. I, though, feel Raven will somehow redeem himself, at least somewhat. Time will tell, but I think for his plan to work, it has to seem real.
Deletecan anyone get into Raven's mind? Fascinating instalment and very emotive, too.
DeleteI think Holly expressed this best with "heart-wrenching." Raven is such a complex character, it's impossible to predict where he might take us next. I do hope the journey's end proves an eventual happy one for our protagonist. She has suffered much...with more to come, I don't doubt.
Delete3 Testing the charm-wards
ReplyDeleteNot for the first time, D’jan tested the charm-wards keeping them captive with inchoate pokes of her serrated-blade dagger.
‘If you hadn’t helped me in the first place… I’d be dead, you’d be free and we wouldn’t be rotting in this stinkin’ hex-dungeon.’
The dagger sparked, arcing bright energy.
Catapulted backward, D’jan hit the floor and spat dust; luminescent powder decked her clothes and skin.
‘Curse the dark angels; curse the light ones too. They don’t give a scrut about the lesser beings - unless they’re offering praise or servitude.
They don’t even pretend to maintain balance between Chemoqun’s realms.’
Very interesting charm-wards, and I love how you described what happened once her dagger touched one. Also, I particularly like the phrasing of 'Curse the dark angels; curse the light ones too'.
Delete"They don't give a scrut about lesser beings-unless they're offering praise or servitude" was a very credible line. As usual, tight writing and good descriptions.
DeleteAs always, Terrie, you present an entry loaded with vivid, beautiful language. 'The dagger sparkled, arcing bright energy' - simple splendid.
DeleteAs always, Terrie, you present an entry rich with vivid, beautiful language. 'The dagger sparked, arcing bright energy' - simply splendid.
DeleteThe two entries immediately above are from me (Jim). I thought I had deleted the first one. Regardless, I loved your entry, Terrie.
DeleteI like how it's not easy to travel in the way they do through time (or realms). The landings are not for the frail. Very enjoyable tale, Terrie.
DeleteAn alien, unexplored genre for me Terrie, but nevertheless fascinating.
Deleteyes, totally fascinating - more please!
DeleteSo many tales sparking musical lyrics this week. This time, it's Fleetwood Mac's "damn the dark, damn the light." This offering is enchanting as much for the exquisite word usage as for the visuals it inspires.
DeleteSticks And Stones...
ReplyDeleteHeard "inchoate" a lot growing up. Not playing with a full deck, my brother called it. Didn't care much for that. So annoying. Had to shut him up, same as all the others. I prefer a serrated blade. Makes such a pretty pattern.
What can I say Patricia except, forty three words of wonderful reading. Brilliant use of the prompts. So few lines but so much said and with feeling. What a horrible sense of revenge captured in the last ten words. How do you manage to do this so perfectly. Thank you
DeleteI can...You write a magnificent story in 43 words and still tell me I'm as talented as anyone in this group. This reads like a winning story to me.
DeleteWickedly delightful, Patricia!
DeleteI guess you don't mess with this guy - inchoate or otherwise. Chilling and it seems as if it could happen quite easily. He can always plead insanity and likely not be lying.
DeleteYe gods. Splendid and succinct.
DeleteChilling and vivid. I liked the line 'Not playing with a full deck', and those last two lines really made me shiver. Sometimes it's hard to end a short scene with the right tone, but that line was perfect.
Deletevery sharp and very well done.
DeleteMaids in a Row
ReplyDeleteThey cultivated mermaids from pearly deposits gathered along the seabed. Clay pots in rows on the deck sprouting ugly, inchoate things. Ill formed serrated teeth and clumps of kelpish hair. Silver scales on stems that would mature to tails.
Eyeless and grotesque they writhed in the silt that bound their unearthly root tubers.
The press-ganged crew tended them like men whose souls had become irreversibly damnation bound.
Ismael felt sick to the stomach. Trembling he withdrew his musket and aimed for the captain’s head.
“Mutiny,” he uttered, as if it were an incantation.
What an excellent use of Ishmael and the mermaids egg laying mammals is so incredibly imaginative. This should also be considered as a winning story.
DeleteWow, not the type of mermaids I like to think about. When I was a kid, you could order sea monkeys from the back page of comic books, along with x-ray glasses and other items. The sea monkeys were some sort of nymph eggs that would grow in a glass of water. I never had good luck with them. No luck with the glasses either. Great story, David. Vivid and entertaining.
DeleteThis has an insidious nastiness. I feel I need to go wash my mind out. Very clever, David
DeleteThe first line is perfect! I've never thought of mermaids in that way, and I loved your imaginative take on growing them from 'pearly deposits'. It had a brutal end, but this world is fascinating.
Deleteone of the joys of the Prediction is the way we are encouraged to think differently about so many things. This is superb.
DeleteWonderful "out of the box" entry. I'm with Antonia. The greatest joy to be found in the wealth of talented writers who post here is the great variety of what is available to enjoy. In this case, I don't believe I'll ever regard mermaids in quite the same light anymore.
DeleteRelic
ReplyDeleteAtop the jagged mountains that pierce the sky like a serrated sawtooth blade, rests the skeleton of a carrack. It's been there as long as living memory. From a distance, it appears inchoate...rudimentary...but surely, at one time, must have been a fully-functioning seaworthy vessel.
Over the years, a few of the more adventurous have attempted to reach the deck of this mysterious ship. None have ever returned.
The range is known as Montaña de Santa María.
Nobody remembers why.
An eerie - and excellent - take on the fate of the Santa Maria, Patricia. I loved the your use of the prompt SERRATE.
DeleteI love a story that involves fictional history. This is very well written, Patricia.
DeletePatrica, you often spark my normally lazy self to perform research. I learned the Santa Maria, the largest of the three, was Columbus's flagship that ran aground on the return trip off the coast of Haiti. Finding the wreck is the Holy Grail of shipwreck hunters. I do hope you are accurate in this telling as it would be really cool if it were. A very entertaining piece this is.
DeleteEerie indeed, as Jim says. Very visual.
DeleteYour first sentences always have a way of grabbing my attention. I loved the description of the ship; it almost felt like some strange beast perched up there.
DeleteAnother offering where the prompt words simply roll wonderfully into the weave of the telling. I really like this Patricia.
Deletegreat retelling of a piece of history, done with feeling and skill.
DeleteA WHALE OF A TALE
ReplyDeleteAll hands but me were quickly dispatched by the alien creatures attacking our ship. A score of them approached, grinning huge serrated teeth and growling inchoate sounds that froze my blood. One reached for me.
The ship suddenly shuddered, and I looked upon a massive white shape embedded in the hull. Then, struck by a falling yardarm, I fell unconscious to the deck.
I awoke clinging to a coffin. Around me was nothing but the wilderness of water. The creatures and the great white shape were gone, as was the Pequod.
"And I only am escaped alone to tell thee."
Jim, I greatly enjoyed this twist on an American Classic. Softly and yet mysteriously written. Very well done.
DeleteIt's bad enough to loose your ship and crew, but to awaken afloat on a coffin takes the cake. The serrated toothed creatures were well described.
DeleteDon't know the classic, but feel the power of the tale.
DeleteAn excellent reimagining and I loved this description - 'A score of them approached, grinning huge serrated teeth and growling inchoate sounds that froze my blood.'
Deletemore death and destruction at sea... very well done, too!
DeleteUnfortunately, I have never read "Moby Dick." This does reference "Moby Dick," right? Regardless, I have a feeling I'd probably prefer this over the original in any case. I assume the last line is also associated with tale of the white whale? It is certainly very fitting here.
DeleteIt’s about the Steak-#1
ReplyDeleteWhile drinking brewskis with Lord Trask, David Starr, and Cory Wells, grilling steak came up.
“You need to balance the thickness with the heat and flame,” said Trask.
“It’s only meat,” I replied.
“That’s an inchoate thing to say. Is Spam meat? A serrated knife is for fine cuts of marbled meat; elsewise use a machete, to hack the fat away,” said Trask.
“Your not cutting a deck of cards. How you season and marinate it means more,” said Cory.
“A steak can only be cooked once. It has to be done the way you like it,” said David.
There's nothing like the smell of a steak being grilled. The US celebrated Memorial Day yesterday and grilling out is quite common. The odors from the neighborhood were intoxicating.
DeleteDon't forget to watch for your vs you're...
DeleteJohn, my apologies on my not catching that mistake. I'll do my due diligence, thrice over, on my remaining stories for this week. Thanks for your time in still reading an commenting on my story.
DeleteI don't know much about steak, but I do know it's often a hot topic. I can't help reading this and wondering how it's all going to go wrong following the characters' conversation. (Forever expecting things to jump out or bad things to happen!)
DeleteLove the reference to whether "Spam" is a type of meat. Does its origin still remain a mystery I wonder. Nice conversational skills, but then that is one of your fortes.
DeleteAssignation by invitation
ReplyDeleteShe waited at the stern, back turned to him, presence indicated by the erasure of the pale stripes of the railings, gleaming in the light of the inchoate moon, their lengths ever-changing, continually obscured and then revealed as her cloak swirled around her, sweeping moisture from the shining deck.
Mouth dry, face pale, as blood hurtled downwards, he approached. A sudden gust of wind blew back her hood revealing not the anticipated beauty but a skull, the serrations of its conjoined boned dark-stitched. From a mouth lacking roof, lips, tongue, ‘Your wife said to welcome you. I am your death.’
Death's presence was even more ominous given the swirling cloak. "Mouth dry, face pale, as blood hurtled downward" perfectly described how the man felt while approaching his death. I truly hope this isn't how it is when my time comes.
DeleteSo sinister, yet beautifully poetic, Sandra,
DeleteGorgeous description of the figure standing by the railing. I loved your phrasing. The description of the skull, 'the serrations of its conjoined boned dark-stitched,' felt even more startling in contrast.
DeleteI liked the location, the stern or end of a ship, death at the end of life. Excellent descriptions, Sandra. This was a joy to read.
DeleteThis is wonderful Sandra.I love the imagery, the dark tension, and the revealed horror. Again the prompt words fit so perfectly I went back and read it a few more times..
Deleteanother waterborne story! This week's overall theme. This shows your undoubted talent as a writer, Sandra.
DeleteThis left me wondering what from of death will be delivered. A watery grave perhaps or maybe something more tortuous? Given the apparition's appearance and ominous words, I don't believe it's going to be easy. Visually, a female Charon sprang to my mind.
DeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 191 - View From The Terrace
ReplyDeleteThe Sanitarium garden was shrinking. No doubt. The children's Wendy House had already disappeared and the rotunda, where military brass bands once tooted horns every Sunday afternoon, had reverted to an inchoate state. A few deckchairs littered the lawn. Always tricky to assemble, they were abandoned in an untidy pile.
In the designated "Statuary," where run-away-robin and bluebell creeper served as invasive ground cover, the sculpture of a cat, orange marble with gold-flecked emeralds for eyes, guarded what remained of the area.
From a distance, as though echoing through a serrated time tunnel, vague voices called for Christopher.
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To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
----------------------------------------------------------
It's not every cat that gets a statue. Loved serrated time tunnel. Serrate sure is getting some unique uses this week. Great word.
DeleteMy first thought was Marmalade had been turned to stone. But you wouldn't do that. Would you?
DeleteOh no, now Sandra has me worrying about Marmalade. :) This is a striking scene and I loved 'where run-away-robin and bluebell creeper served as invasive ground cover' and 'serrated time tunnel'.
DeleteReally good descriptions, Patricia. As for Marmalade's fate..even she had a sire. Serrated time tunnel is a classic line.
DeleteMarmalade will live forever, for sure... enjoyed this instalment.
DeleteYou guys. So worried over the fate of one flea-bitten orange moggie!
DeleteBlue Light Special
ReplyDeleteThe ghost of traveler’s past is not the ruthless, inchoate eyed apparition that many have claimed. Just the opposite. Quite the charmer, really.
Take a ride with us – rates much less than expected. Destinations abound, from the deck of the Titanic to the serrated shores of Normandy to the gates of hell and beyond. An adventurer’s paradise.
Waivers must be signed in advance. In blood please.
" ghost of traveler’s past" is glorious. I read 'waivers' as 'wives' first time round ... could equally apply, I fear, on this particular voyage.
DeleteClever use of 'serrated.' I'm sure there would be a market for this considering how popular ghost tours are, though I do hope people would pause at the mention of signing in blood. :)
DeleteSome how Charon as a charmer is on the funny side. Really good prompt use.
DeleteParadise indeed! A very creative tale, John. I sense these rides may be an endeavor organized for fools.
DeleteThat's allowing the imagination to run wild, for sure and very good it is too.
DeleteSo delightfully horrific and totally delicious in the telling. Love the details of the itinerary and I have a feeling we've only scratched the surface. This would make for a wonderful serial. After all, who could resist the patter of such a "charmer"?
DeleteIt’s about the Steak-#2
ReplyDelete“You don’t care about the cut when the steak melts in your mouth. We’ve all had bad steak,” said Cory.
“You need the right ingredients. Jeff, you’re a grill master, not an inchoate apprentice cook,” said David.
“A Sous-Chef, decked in his finest with a set of pearl handled serrated knives,” replied Trask.
“In all my years grilling steak, I’ve yet to make a perfect one. We’re all satisfied knowing that those who eat our steaks, enjoyed them, right guys?” said Cory.
“Spend time with other grillers. Watch and listen, grill later,” David said.
Task and Cory nodded.
Then everyone went home.
You did continue it! And nobody died! :D This feels like a conversation about so much more than steak.
DeleteHolly, my thanks for your comments and yes it is.
DeleteThis is excellent Jeffrey you have definitely captured that sinister undercurrent of more going on than there seems.
DeleteAs usual your use of dialogue skilfully moves everything along too. Love the hinted element of the macabre and am waiting for the next instalment with, please forgive the pun ...'relish'.
As Terrie pointed out, the star here is the dialogue. But you've got me wanting a nice juicy steak now!
Deletesorry for the confusion in last weeks episode - it was Cinereus who walloped an undercover SAS soldier - now for the continuation
ReplyDeleteThe Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 69
With a nod to the operative, Nigel returned the secret sign, and asked, ‘Where’s the contraption?
‘ ‘Ere Nige,…er, Sir, ‘ the soldier said as all patrol members slithered out from undercover and, dragging away undergrowth coverings, revealed the Pangonel.
Cinereus plucked several wilting, feather-serrated, leaves, tossed them onto a rock, and pounded them with his wooden leg.
He looked to the soldier. ‘Yarrow for bruises,’ he muttered by way of apology; then limping back to the trail, he started along it still muttering inchoately.
Tosca began to follow.
‘Gawd, wots ‘e decked out in?’ the soldier asked; snout wrinkling.
I'm still intrigued by this foul smelling camouflage that Tosca wears. I can almost see these little guys putting their paws under there chins and wiggling their toes in the secret sign. It was nice to Cinereus' kind gesture with the yarrow.
DeleteLanguage so lively, as ever.
DeleteI loved the description of the foliage 'Cinereus plucked several wilting, feather-serrated, leaves, tossed them onto a rock, and pounded them with his wooden leg.'
DeleteTerrie, you don't disappoint. Excellent dialogue and humanized characters.
Deletethe photo on the BBC site was of an armadillo rolled into a ball. And me shouting at the screen 'give him a chance to talk!'
DeleteSomeone should read this series before commenting on real life armadillos...
This episode probably brought more of a chuckle than any yet posted and there have been some classic chuckles from this quarter! Even re-reading now, there is a bubbling of giggle once again at the thought of Cinereus pounding upon a rock with his wooden leg.
DeleteDaddy?
ReplyDeleteThe creation, still inchoate, mewled and stretched its arms, almost as if reaching out for him (though it did not resemble a human baby in any way, he couldn't help but to anthropomorphize it.)
Was it speaking? Was it whispering his name?
He had watched on YouTube with rapt fascination of these things, these homunculus being made. He thought surely it was just video trickery but now with his own monster moving on the deck, he had to believe, didn't he?
Seeing is believing.
With a heavy sigh. He picked up the serrated blade and prepared to start over.
Aww, I can't help but feel sorry for the homunculus and wonder what, or maybe who, the main character is trying to create if he feels like he has to start over. Chilling and curious.
DeleteExactly as Holly says, curious and chilling.
DeletePerhaps it's Dr. Moreau. Nice use of homunculus along with really good and tight writing.
DeleteStarting over seems so cold, but practice makes perfect I guess. Clever idea for a story and well done.
DeleteHorridly unpleasant yet eerily compelling writing Gerry, so much so that I felt that little inner voice say ‘go and look on YouTube’ … Oh my goodness, disturbingly unsettling goings on, but such a clever interpretation and a brilliant platform for serialization.
DeleteSorry, I just realised you're Jerry with a J.(my uncle is Gerry with a G)
DeleteThis may be a case of 'if at first you don't succeed, fail, fail again.' A very creative entry!
Deletethere's a sense of despair tinged with hope here, starting over means an ending and that's hard to overcome. You captured this well, Jerry
DeleteThe creation of a monster. So classic and yet given such a modern twist in this instance. I cannot help but feel for the "monster" and wonder what, if anything, it is aware of.
DeleteThe Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 70
ReplyDeleteArmi watched Brenda bustle about on her daily visit to his room.
‘Mendin’ well Mr Armi.’ she told him as she gently prodded the array of serrations, thorn-holes and dark bruises that decked his healing body, ‘All ‘cept one under yer belly sir. That were deep, an’ perilous close t’ yer innards too; it’ll take a mite longer ‘n the others t’ heal.’
‘I wuz lucky Atlas rescued me, I’d be buzzard bait b’ now if ‘e hadn’t.’ His attention suddenly focused on something he’d not noticed before. It was the inchoate glint of something steely in her boot.
Amazingly your 70th episode of this very enjoyable series, congrats. inchoate glint a very good phrase.
DeleteIt's just one thing after another with these dillos. You certainly know how to keep the tension cranked up. I like how Brenda calls him Mr. Armi and sir, but then possibly has a knife in her boot. Good stuff.
Deleteit's hard work keeping the action going but somehow you make it look easy!
DeleteEspecially enjoyed 'dark bruises that decked his healing body' and the whole of it a real treat.
DeleteShe is sympathetic with a wonderful bedside manner, but I don't think it would be wise to get on the wrong side of our dear Brenda.
DeleteI love the glint of something in Brenda's boot. That little detail sparks my curiosity. :)
DeleteThe First Battle: Locusts a la Fungo
ReplyDeleteRage is a serrated emotion experienced by the living. It’s the deck of their lives being cut; absence, desire, blood, and fire.
The inchoate cacophony of berserk Ghoram preceded their en-masse pursuit.
The Ball Busters waited. The Stygian waters rippled as the enemy reached the swamp. Grasshoppers can jump; some went over one hundred meters to the tops of the dead trees. Grenades exploded, lasers discharged, and the trap was sprung, Barbara’s HUD, slowly told her of the BB’s fate. She removed a grenade from her belt.
“Well Little Boy, time to light up my life.”
A mushroom cloud appeared.
Once the mushroom cloud appears, the fat lady might as well start singing. Or maybe they have the technology to combat the radiation. The next episode should be interesting, unless this is the end...
DeleteNo, this isn't the end.
DeleteSuch wonderfully descriptive imagery Jeffrey. Especially the Stygian water's rippled as the enemy reached the swamp.' and I could easily picture the grasshoppers jumping a hundred meters over dead trees. I really liked the phrase 'rage is a serrated emotion ...' too. Glad there will be more of this story.
DeleteSuch a grave situation you've created, Jeffrey. "...time to light up my life." is a great phrase.
Delete"inchoate cacophony" - impressive alliteration, and "serrated rage" original.
DeleteThis is most certainly the best episode of the series thus far. You are getting into your stride with this and it is delightful to see.
DeleteA dangerous feast for the senses. I love that first line 'Rage is a serrated emotion experienced by the living.'
DeleteStop The Week; I Want To Get Off (49)
ReplyDeleteYou should never believe it won’t get worse… the shop computer died last week, just when I hoped for at least an inchoate revival in fortune. And… why does everything have a serrated edge when you’re shifting items around the shop? The town was decked with bunting for the Victorian Weekend, which was such a spectacular event the local paper found 5 photos for the readers… communication left a lot to be desired, as in, there wasn’t any. People asked where parades were starting and what time, as no one had posted anything. Crazy. Now life is returning to normal…
I think you deserve a bit "better than normal" for a while!
DeleteSounds like it was another somewhat frustrating week. Hopefully, the worse is over now and "normal" will prove to be better than that.
DeleteI loved the phrase 'why does everything have a serrated edge.' Hopefully the next week will be calm!
DeleteAnd so… all predictions came to pass, the country is divided equally, cut with the serrated knife of disappointment with those who supposedly lead. Now there is an inchoate party trying to take the country out of Europe. My feeling is the decking will slip from beneath their feet and all will fall into total disarray, from which the true leaders will begin to emerge. This is what is chronically lacking at the moment, any kind of leadership that isn’t working against both their party and themselves. There has been much celebration, all of it much too soon.
ReplyDeleteVery well stated Antonia, the prompt words really fitted the sentiment.
DeleteI have been quietly shaking my head for weeks and it went pretty much as I expected given our major politician's have been squabbling and posturing like pre-schoolers - not just in front of the voters but with the eyes of the world firmly fixed on them too. I'm still shaking my head today and have to agree with all of the above.
There is a sad lack of intelligent leadership all over the world right now. I'm hopeful of a return to stability and sanity at the end of the day, but I fear it's going to be a long and probably dark journey.
DeleteI really hope stability and sanity returns. It's hard not to feel completely frazzled and hopeless when confronted with everything going on. I liked the phrasing 'cut with the serrated knife of disappointment.'
DeleteThe Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries - entry 71
ReplyDeleteSafely concealed upwind, Atlas identified ‘sinister-voice’ as a spiky-furred, cunning looking, weasel whose dagger-teeth showed prominently when she smiled; and she smiled constantly with the sadistic ease of a consummate killer, as she prowled among the gerbils.
The gerbils were silent, apart from distressed groans, frightened cheeps and the sound of their busy feet flicking soil from the ever-growing trench.
Undercover was stifling. The only respite came from inchoate, intermittent, breezes worming between wilting desert willow and serrated leaves of agave decking the terrain. Atlas remained motionless, lest he disturbed any loose pebbles, wayward sand, or worse, revealed his position.
And we wait too, with breath well and truly bated.
Deleteechoing Sandra, definitely!
DeleteI wish I had some form of artistic skill. I would love to try my hand at drawing a "spiky-furred, cunning looking weasel." What a wealth of fascinating characters you have created, Terrie.
DeleteWhat a strong and interesting description of 'sinister-voice.' I loved Atlas' name for her and I can't wait to hear what happens next.
DeleteWell, I only have one thing to say. Good luck with your choice(s) this week, Sandra. How you are going to pick a winner is totally beyond my comprehension. I don't believe there has ever been a more varied and/or entertaining pack of tales. What an honour it is to even have my name associated with this type of quality.
ReplyDeleteYes! It is such a treat to write alongside all of you. :)
DeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #181
ReplyDeleteAttack Twelve Foiled
“I suppose we’d best clear the deck for landing.”
Three serrated knives, ten smooth knives, countless arrows, and many patches later, Natasha and crew were fit to land. The inchoate ground crew scrambled for ropes and bumpers on the still smoldering roof. Every question went unanswered as Rosebud and her friends went to her rooms to plan for next time.