However, little doubt in my mind as to this week’s winner: J E Deegan’s ‘Thumbs down’ really hit the spot for me, so no doubts about awarding that one top prize.
Words for next week: border, malevolent, zeal
Entries by midnight Thursday 4th October, words and winners posted Friday 5th
Usual rules: 100 words maximum (excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction is, as always, welcome. All variants and use of the words and stems are fine. Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever social media you prefer.
Bravo, J E! A worthy tale, and one that I personally enjoyed thoroughly.
ReplyDeleteI agree with David, a well told tale J.E. Well done on the top slot award for last week.
DeleteCongrats J.E.!
DeleteI'm going to attempt to play this week, but just got a new puppy and I am very sleep deprived. :)
Brilliant news, Jim. You always knew you could do it, just needed the encouragement, is all.
DeletePROTECTION
ReplyDelete“I assure you, gentlemen, not one of those filthy creatures will get through this magnificent wall. Your lovely wives and children are completely safe!” His zeal, while laughable, was contagious. Many of the gathered town’s folk were smiling up at him in grinning supplication. The border communities were especially vulnerable these days, what with malevolent bands of intruders rumored to be in the area.
Ten long years later, it was a different world. The small village no longer stood where it once had. Nothing lived there anymore. Hubris had blinded them… Walls do no good if the enemy can fly.
Nice, David. This has a feeling of relevance combined with the supernatural horror. Well done.
DeleteJeffrey here, Awesome story J.E. Congrats on the apex of the podium for it.
DeleteSo insidiously neck-tingling, that 'grinning supplication.
DeleteEffective images that transport the reader right into the thick of the story David. I liked the contrasting element of then and now too.
DeleteBrilliantly written final sentence.
Most impressive. The twist here was well played.
DeleteOne very good story, David. Lovely bit of irony at the end.
DeleteThank you all! I do enjoy making something people like.
Deletethis is quietly nasty and very readable.
DeleteAn excellent tale with a brilliant and chilling ending. I loved the line 'His zeal, while laughable, was contagious', and how it set the tone for the attitude of the crowd.
DeleteVery nice incorporation of a prologue and then an unexpected (for me anyway) ending. Many brilliant phrases to appreciate here, but like Zaiure, I have to go with the laughable but contagious zeal as my favourite.
DeleteCrying Wolf
ReplyDeleteThe inhabitants of the border town rejoiced and marched the muddied streets with outlooks dripping with malevolent zeal. The severed heads of the enemy reeked on their skewers, no longer dripping blood after being displayed on the ramparts for days on end.
The fly infested gravesite to the north began to roil and soon erupted with activity. One by one, the headless corpses rose from the encrusted dirt and advanced clumsily on the town.
A shepherd boy on the hill saw them coming and shouted his alarm, a real alarm this time. The wary town folk groaned, annoyed by his antics.
I love the new twist on classics here. Very good!
DeleteWide screen horror, gruesomely depicted.
DeleteI agree with all the above, fresh twists on well know classics are always good. Cleverly done with all the prompt words in the first sentence John.
DeleteGruesome descriptions abound. Well written. Love how the ending reveals the fresh take on an old tail, er, I mean tale
DeleteAn ironic twist on an old tale and nicely written.
DeleteSo vivid, John! So easy to SEE your characters in action. This is great stuff!
Deletelove this, clever twist.
DeleteThis had a very epic feel to it, and I love the tie-in of the title to that brilliant ending.
DeleteI'm always a huge fan of "twisted tales." This one was outstanding albeit (as Sandra and RJ pointed out) somewhat gruesome. That image of severed heads reeking on skewers is particularly spine-chilling.
DeleteMany thanks for the honor of receiving last week's top prize.
ReplyDeleteMagnificent story last week, J.E. I'm not surprised it took top honours. Certainly counted among my favourites.
ReplyDeleteI think your deadline date might be wrong, Sandra.
ReplyDeleteThanks Patricia - I really confused myself over this, have corrected now.
DeleteSmall Wonder
ReplyDeleteDespite his zeal, he was running late again. His panicked dash through the herbaceous border left decapitated dahlias in his wake.
The lurker within the laburnums watched his hurried approach with a malevolent expression. The constant whines and complaints about tardiness had grated on her last nerve. And for the last time.
The axe was heavy but she was a strong little girl.
Alice would have rabbit stew for supper tonight.
Hasenpfeffer? Sounds scrumptious. Zeal is a good word for the rabbit.
DeleteExcellent alternative to this tale - girl after my own heart.
DeleteOoh another helping of a classic reworked. You really captured the lurker's frustrations with the little dahlia decapitator. The last line is a brilliant reveal.
DeleteNice. Oh so nice. Enjoyable tale.
Delete"She gave her mother 40 wacks." Why that poem came to mind. A very good story, Patricia.
DeleteAlice always did have hidden evil talents, I do believe. Great story!
DeleteThis is wonderful! I loved the surprise of the little girl with the axe, and this piece was positively overflowing with lovely descriptions - 'herbaceous border', 'decapitated dahlias', and 'The lurker within the laburnums'. This really is a favorite of mine.
DeleteI'm new here, and new to this, so, hello, everyone! What a wonderful place. Anyway, here's my first submission:
ReplyDeleteAt the Edge
Borders are thin places. This is why we shun them. We know that, sometimes, things can reach through and find us—things of malevolence.
In my zeal to prevent it from finding me, I came here, to this wooded border, to find it first.
The man who waited here for me understood. “You’ll only get one chance,” he said.
I didn’t waste time replying; I just lashed out. My knife tore into him, but he didn’t bleed. His flesh pulled away as something dark clawed out of him; and I realized that sometimes the borders are on the inside.
Yes, TimeWalker, yes!
DeleteGood tight writing and very entertaining. A marvelous introduction of your talents.
DeleteWelcome, timewalkerauthor. You are off to a great start with this entry. I love your choice of verbs.
DeleteWelcome indeed Timewalkerauthor - looks like you'll fit right in - well-written, multi-stranded and thought-jolting.
DeleteWhat a wonderful first entry TimeWalker. Great opening couple of sentences to set the reader on the path of your story, then tight descriptions and dialogue intermingled with a hint of otherworldliness keep it moving along . I liked this.
DeleteWelcome and oh my gosh, this is a fantastic story. Looking forward to many more by you. The darkness that dwells inside, indeed.
DeleteGreetings Timewalker;
DeleteOne impressive story. good writing and the first of many more to come. Love the interpretation on boarders.
welcome, Timewalker, great user name and superb story.
DeleteWelcome! I really enjoyed this piece and the atmosphere you wove for us. I loved the phrasing of the opening line - 'Borders are thin places. This is why we shun them.' This definitely has a dark, otherworldly feeling.
DeleteWelcome to our little corner of creativity, Timewalker. Your inaugural piece piece was a lovely dark offering. I do believe you are going to fit right in. Look forward to many more tales from your talented plume.
DeleteChange of focus [301]
ReplyDeleteDid a profession sworn to zealously deal with miscreants out-weigh Aleks’ nine years lived on the borders of lawlessness and treachery? Would inside information better ensure the success of his escape from the malevolence of Balincek? Had Aleks – plainly the son of his father! – also taken into account the need to release Valdeta? Valdeta’s baby?
On balance John Pettinger decided, uncomfortable though it was, he’d best wait. Best watch the purple-girthed Balincek and the boy with the gun without inciting their immediate wrath.
Without drawing attention to the boy on the roof.
Until, beside him, Filip breathed, ‘Here they come.’
Tension heaped on tension here Sandra. I so want to know the outcome. Great suspenseful writing .
DeleteThe tension is well built in this story and wonderful use of the prompts.
DeleteA wealth of well-crafted drama in this, Sandra!
Deletedramatic as always, there's no 'quiet times' in this serial!
DeleteArghh.... Did we just witness the calm before the storm? I believe we did. Love how the first paragraph is loaded with questions. Adds such a suspenseful aura.
DeleteSuspenseful. Nice build up.
DeleteTerrie said it well - the rise of tension is nearly palpable here. I love the rhythm of the last few lines.
DeleteIn need of a history lesson [Threshold 222]
ReplyDeleteTo the south and east the border the natural one of river. North and west evolved according to the zeal with which adjoining parishes fought them (‘parish’ of course no longer denoting ecclesiastical; the malevolence of warring religions put paid to that!)
While river might provide fish I assumed Raven sought the wherewithal to provide a well-balanced diet: a willing band of butchers, bakers and owners of sufficient acres to grow fruit and veg. Was unsure, since I’d not seen it tested, how willingly or otherwise such might be provided. How far stretched the influence of my ebony, evil-tempered lover.
I do like how, with each instalment, you reveal things about Raven through the insights of the writer. I am curious know what his reaction to impending fatherhood is going to be.
DeleteDon't keep us in suspense too long Sandra.
You have a poetic, yet gritty way with words I admire love tuning in for your stories
DeleteHad thought about til RJ mentioned it but there is an element of poetry, prose poetry to this. Evil-tempered is a very good description.
Deletethe slow reveal is the art of serials, and this is a good one.
DeleteRaven becomes a more real character with every installment. A man of so many facets, 'tis small wonder our protagonist finds him irresistible. I too am very interested about how he will react to impending fatherhood.
DeleteI'm also enjoying further insight into who Raven is, and I love the phrasing of that final line.
Delete
ReplyDeleteThe Secret Armadillo Soldier (SAS) Diaries – entry 24 Stench In The Dark
Using an empty wine bowl, Nigel walloped the knotty lump with such zeal it broke off. There was a moment of silence, before the hidden doorway grated open. A foul stench filtered out of the blackness within.
‘Pwoar, Nige, that ain’t good,’ said a soldier behind him, ‘smells like summat died in there.’
‘Dead, or not, we’re going in. ’Nigel tightened his tool belt and stepped into the malevolently stinking darkness: His platoon followed.
Gagging and retching, they manoeuvred slowly along a tunnel whose bordering walls oozed something akin to shit.
Ahead, a dim light pulsed in the murky shadows.
And I'm not sure I want to go any further. Impressed with how well you've created a nasty stink here Terrie!
DeleteStinky indeed. Your glorious animals entice me, despite the smelly circumstances
DeleteThe image of an Angler fish popped to my mind. Lovely description to set the whole scene up, Well done Terrie.
DeleteStinking or not, you have me hooked, Terrie, and I want to proceed into the murky shadows. I, however, need you to lead me into them.
Deletetake us ever onward, Terrie!
DeleteSo descriptive...so easily imagined...and so skillfully executed. There are words included here that are enviable in their usage. "Walloped" for one and "Pwoar" for another. Onward and upward toward that pulsing light...!!!
DeleteIncredibly descriptive! I love the phrasing and these characters are always a delight.
DeleteThe Rainbow Warrior 2
ReplyDelete“A Protector!” the Pazuzu screamed. “Kill him, the mortals can wait.”
Two churls turned toward Valen, a malevolent zeal in their mauve eyes. He sidestepped the first, the yellow head of his bident, Sacramentum Arcus, slashed its side; the others claw caught the boarder of his armor and laced his right leg.
Valen twisted, bringing the white head across that demons neck; its body twitched, the head landed five feet away.. The ozone smell was very familiar to Valen and to the Pazuzu.
“Why it’s the Tempest Proeliator! What an honor to meet you,” it said with a mock bow.
So much action packed into so few words, Jeffrey. A very engaging tale! Well done!
DeleteRife with action indeed. Love the idea of "mauve eyes." Some nicely unusual words incorporated too, such as "churls," for example.
DeleteGood action so much in so little words.
DeleteA creative and exciting scene. I also loved the mauve eyes, and the churls.
DeleteHEADS OR TAILS
ReplyDeleteHer accusation bubbled with malevolence and was issued with a zeal bordering on insanity.
“Sweetheart, I’d never cheat on you,” I said with mousey conviction.
“Ha! You think I’m stupid!?” Her voice was fingernails on a chalkboard.
“Please, honey,” I whimpered.
“Shut up! The coin will decide who’s right!” She pointed the gun to her temple then at me. She motioned to a coin on the table. “Flip the quarter. Let it land on the table. Heads you die; tails I do.”
I began to object, but she cocked the hammer.
I flipped the coin.
It landed on its edge.
And she hadn't issued instructions for that ...
Deleteoh what a nice twist!
DeleteToss of the coin at its most crucial. "Landed in its edge." Oh my goodness, could it get any more suspenseful?
DeleteOk. Now I'm on pins and needles. What happened???
DeleteI loved the phrasing 'Her accusation bubbled with malevolence', and the twist at the end. What will happen?
DeleteExcellent using the prompts in the first line! Pretty darn good last line as well.
ReplyDeleteBravado
ReplyDeleteAbandoned cabin in the backwoods offers nighttime shelter for the young hikers who are lost. A freestanding stove provides light, warmth and a means to cook. Nothing fancy...sausages, beans-on-toast.
Unsettling sounds emanate from the murk beyond the borderline of pines. Malevolent? Threatening? Dangerous?
The group's supreme swaggerer will sort things out. He ventures boldly into the long shadows brandishing a Swiss Army knife and pointed stick.
Unseen observers sigh and shake their wise old heads.
The zealous wannabe commander-in-chief is always the first to go.
You masterfully created a marvelous setting for this eerie tale, Patricia. Very nicely done!
Delete'Eerie' the perfect word, and the whole of this a wonderful example of how to fit something with the impact of a novel into 100 words.
DeletePatricia, a marvelously created setting, good last line and it almost read as a rental add.
Deleteso much going on behind the words, so many images. Clever one.
DeleteWhy do they always go alone?! I enjoyed the narration of this piece, and the mention of the unseen observers 'sighing and shaking their wise old heads'.
DeleteHEADS OR TAILS #2
ReplyDeleteHis malevolent accusation bristled with a zeal bordering on lunacy.
“Sweetheart, I swear I didn’t cheat on you,” she offered with mousey conviction.
“You think I’m stupid!?” His voice was fingernails upon a chalkboard.
“Please, honey,” she whimpered.
“Save it…HONEY! A flip of the coin will decide!” He put the gun to his temple then pointed it at her then motioned to a coin on the table. “Flip it on the table. Heads you die; tails I do.”
She didn’t move. He cocked the hammer.
She flipped the coin; it landed on its edge.
The deaths were ruled a murder-suicide.
Ah ... NOT a happy ending, but maybe fitting?
DeleteWhat a setup for that ending! Well placed and used prompts.
Deletedidn't think of that ending!
DeleteA double dose here very nicely done with something of a conclusion, thought still thought-provoking in its explanation. Beautiful continuation take on the first offering.
DeleteExcellent continuation to the previous piece. I enjoyed the contrast between the two.
DeleteStar -Casting
ReplyDeleteBent, black, spiny-backed, shadow shaped and shifting;
He rises and walks in veiled borders of, tongued, silver-light
That curls below malevolent, wispy -winged, white clouds, silently lifting
and rising to kiss the spiked seam of a starry filled night.
Head back and howling, wings wide, and unfurling,
His skin glistens and sparks darkly in muted moonlight.
Zealously, he plucks star upon star and casts them, curling
and twisting, into the dark hollow of hells endless-night.
Perfect tale for perfect title.
DeleteBeautiful imagery and I enjoyed the in-line rhyme scheme. An excellent poem.
DeleteYou continue to amaze me, Terrie, with your ability to select such vividly powerful language.
Deletedark indeed, another excellent poem.
DeleteWhat can be said about these poetic offerings of yours that hasn't already been expressed? Magnificent imagery, impeccable rhyming skills and all nicely tied up with a bright and sparkly story-telling bow. An enviable talent to say the very least.
DeleteVivid and dark and overflowing with gorgeous imagery. Hard to pick favorites, but I loved 'rising to kiss the spiked seam of a starry filled night' and 'Zealously, he plucks star upon star and casts them, curling and twisting, into the dark hollow of hells endless-night.'
DeleteTil death us do part
ReplyDeleteI stood on the table as she measured and folded the hem one inch exactly below the embroidered border; her mouth full of pins which, one by one, she took from between pursed lips and inserted with a zeal that left me fearful for my ankles.
Only as I made my vows to the man about to become my husband did I become aware of the malevolent and last-minute insertion of an asp into the sleeve.
Only when I held out my hand for him to insert my finger into his ring did I succeed in re-directing it to his.
Now, who put that asp there? Nice and interesting take on Til death do us part. Well done narration and use of the prompts.
DeleteHow beautifully sinister, Sandra! Very clever!
Deletethis is a 'front' to a much bigger story, which I bet you never write, Sandra!
DeleteOh, nice one! Must say I didn't expect that ending, but what a truly incredible reveal. There is much for speculation here. I'm really not sure which way to go.
DeleteClever and menacing, and I loved the redirect of the asp. I'm also very curious about the backstory behind this.
DeleteSouth of the Border, Down Mexico Way
ReplyDeleteThe cantina in the little border town was so crammed with Pinkertons and Rangers its rooftop was sweating at the eaves. Extravagantly moustachioed men swaggered and boasted with delusional zeal that the Outlaw would soon be jerking on the end of a hangman's rope.
Coyote prowled the puddles of liquor, shifting shapes within the cloying tobacco fug, gleefully malevolent in his itch for mischief.
They were welcome to the Outlaw. It was Kiowa woman he coveted. His claws were sharp enough to slice her flesh like butter. The bundle she bore in her belly would soon be his.
I'll second J.E on this and a worthy contender for this week.
DeleteWell, this gets my vote. Excellent work!
Deletethe Outlaw is an intriguing character, David, looking forward to more.
DeleteYou can almost see the tumbleweeds tumbling and the dust swirling with these installments. I must admit to being somewhat ignorant about Native American folklore, but I'm assuming Coyote is counted among the characters. He rather reminds me of Loki...the Norse Trickster.
DeleteThis is tremendous - fantastic tale, telling word choice and invisible insertion of prompts.
DeleteI was instantly caught up in this piece, and it is filled with wonderful phrasing. The beginning painted a fascinating and vivid picture. Well done!
DeleteMarvelous, David! A splendid use of language!
ReplyDeleteSquatter’s Rites-7
ReplyDelete“A rune scribe!” Jacob said in shock.
“What will we do, Jacob,” Candice said. “She’ll undo our spell.”
Jacob watched the car leave.
“They’re gone for now but they’ll be back. With more zeal and better prepared.”
“Jacob, let him have the house. We can move.”
“Never! This is our house. I’ll see him in hell before that!”
“Jacob Miner. Don’t let your malevolence let you cross the border. “
“Candice. Why are you always so nice to the undead? They don’t deserve anything from us.”
“They aren’t our jailers but our test. Our way out of Purgatory to Heaven.”
You have this serialization rolling rather nicely now. As always, the dialogue is what carries along the tale, I like the idea of a "way out of Purgatory to Heaven."
DeleteI love the idea of a rune scribe, and enjoyed their relatable conversation (not so much the haunting but the couple's back and forth ;).
DeleteKursaal (Episode One Hundred Thirty Two) - "Dogged"
ReplyDeleteWith all the zeal and agility of a Border Collie, the small dog zigzagged through the legs of the crowd...a throng which had inexplicably grown jam-packed. Little Libby Pepperdyne was having trouble keeping up with her intrepid Lulu.
She lost sight of the pup in the vicinity of where the remains of her twin sister, Lucy, had eventually been found. There, among the rotting leaves, was the body of Mr. Punch. The hand puppet was mangled, face contorted in an even more malevolent grin than usual, red nose missing.
From nearby came a yelp...then a whine...and then...
Silence.
---------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: Libby Pepperdyne, Lucy Pepperdyne (Libby's deceased twin sister) and Lulu (Libby's pet pup named in honour of her twin) have all featured in previous episodes.
oh oh, Mr Punch is dead... and Lulu?
DeleteCan't say I'm grieving for Mr Punch ... but I DO wonder what comes next.
DeleteA thrilling and spell-binding piece. What is going to happen to Lulu and Libby? There's also something about the description of the puppet that gave this piece a really eerie feeling.
DeleteI do hate to say that you have a very good last line, along with good descriptions all settin g the reader up for that last line.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 158 - Anomalies And Alternatives
ReplyDeleteIn her best bib and tucker -- dove grey skirt, peplum jacket with collar and cuffs bordered by fleecy astrakhan -- Poppy waited for the announcement that meant she could board the train.
A malevolent pall hovered over the platform. It made her anxious. Perched upon a power line, the Rook watched proceedings below with a zealous and beady eye. Poppy wondered if the bird might be the source of unease, but her gaze kept returning to the city gent wearing a pinstriped suit and sporting a bowler.
He simply didn't belong.
Everything had been topsy-turvy since his arrival.
-------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
Crisp, engaging writing, Patricia. A smooth, enjoyable read.
DeleteI met one of those City gents recently, fortunately the one I spoke with was charming but others... others need watching, like this one...
DeleteThis week you are determined to leave us with breath bated aren't you? Much enjoyed the description of Poppy's garments.
DeleteTight writing and excellent descriptions.
DeleteWho is the man in the pinstriped suit? I also loved the description of Poppy's garments, and the watching Rook seemed especially fitting with the line 'A malevolent pall hovered over the platform'.
DeleteStop the Week, I want to get off (16)
ReplyDeleteI think it’s Shaun’s zeal as much as his Irish charm which sells stuff… a garden set was delivered, he brought another set back… the shop was bordering on stupid but we sold a bedroom set today. The space might be filled tomorrow, he went buying today but nothing’s yet confirmed. It’ll be good unless some malevolent imp gets in. ‘Don’t tell the Devil your plans,’ Grandmother’s wise words.
One window was cleaned out today; I’ve put poppies everywhere and a WWII photo from the front line. More will go into the other window when I can get into it.
I really like it when little local shops decorate with themes that bear relevance. One small stationary shop close to where I used to work would do the same. It was always a joy to pass by and see what creativity they had to put good use.
DeleteBusy, busy - but so glad you have the time for these.
DeleteThis read as a late night recap of the day. I easily imagined you and Shaun discussing the day activities. This was an enjoyable and relaxing read.
DeleteI agree with Patricia. There's a local flower shop I often frequent that does the same. They're always so clever with the window displays. I love the line 'I think it’s Shaun’s zeal as much as his Irish charm which sells stuff'.
DeleteThe Mad Italian 75.
ReplyDeleteThe malevolent comments following the PM’s impulsive dance onto the platform are unfair and unwarranted but show the mentality of the so-called Press. Some of their writers border on libel each time they file a report. The PM’s zeal is obvious to all and she should be taken more seriously than she is by all, not just some, of her party. The need is for less inter-party fighting, let the other clown resume his life and everyone get on with theirs, and more coming together to bring the UK back into the state everyone would like to see.
Reflections of the potential for a better time are not always in the Mad Italian's wheelhouse. This came with a more gentle observation, in my opinion. Must say, the comment about "so-called Press" was spot-on.
DeleteI wish I knew the intricacies of UK politics yet it sounds all too similar to those in America. I do agree that there should be much less inter-party fighting, just do your job.
DeleteSame for me, Jeffrey. I wish there were fewer 'clowns' in government!
DeleteThe Guardians
ReplyDelete1.4
Janey could feel them at the border of her mind. Malevolent voices whispering into her subconscious. Their zeal for her flesh was evident.
She sat through her classes, not hearing the droning of Instructors, lost in her own world of horror.
She could feel them, pressing up against her mind. Their twisted darkness wrapping slowly around her thoughts.
She could smell them...
Why was she open to them? Why were they reaching out to her?
When their noises grew too loud, she slid into a closet and curled up in the empty spaces that knew her by name.
This grows more eerie with every installment. I adore this type of horror tale...one that is more psychological than physical, although there is much to be said for both. I would imagine those with Dissociative Personality Disorder suffer a similar type of isolation and fragmented reality.
DeleteThis is the sort of tale that has me shutting the book, saying 'No more!' Then I build up a bit more courage and curiosity and begin again.
DeleteThe reader can "feel" the terror in Janey, which means this is superb writing, RJ.
Deletevery much the victim here, Janey comes over to us vividly.
DeleteNice story and character development R.J.
DeletePsychological horror is always so chilling. The first line 'Janey could feel them at the border of her mind' immediately set the tone. Very haunting!
DeleteHammer & Seal [4]
ReplyDeleteCrafted simply, but skillfully, the colossal hammer resting on the large man’s shoulder seemed at odds with his friendly, sun-beaten face. Staring at it, Sayla could not decide what it was about the weapon that prickled the skin on her arms, and yet the feeling washing over her was gut-souring malevolence.
There was no bloodthirsty zeal in the man to match what she felt from the hammer, and Sayla watched with wary confusion, as the Warden leaned the intimidating weapon against the table, and handed her something from his pocket.
It was a border map, and bore her brother’s seal.
Like all your writing, beautifully crafted and intriguing.
Delete"Bloodthirsty zeal"... gut-souring malevolence"... "sun-beaten face"... so vivid and colorful, Zaiure. Good stuff!
DeleteLiked the friendly sun-beaten face descriptor balancing a humanized hammer. I wonder if he or the hammer know who Sayla is?
DeleteLove the air of anticipation and promise of an adventurous continuation. That "colossal hammer" has me more than intrigued, I must admit. The contrast between this malevolent weapon and the friendly-faced owner only makes the comparison more vivid and...suspicious.
ReplyDeletevivid writing, looking forward to more of this story.
DeleteHey look, a stand-alone!
ReplyDeleteThe Wannabe -
He held the axe at head height, drawing ever closer to the young woman tied in the chair. Her pleading silence only added to his anticipation of the decapitation to come. His malevolent manic grin sent fear into her mind, every bit as much as the zeal with which he approached.
Honestly, is that the best I can do? It borders on boredom, absolutely useless, lies flat on the screen, nothing to draw the reader in.
I am – at a loss.
I know – what’s wrong.
I need – some hands on experience.
I have – to get it right…
Nicely suspenseful and very intriguing. When you try your hand at a standalone (not often enough in my opinion), you never fail to impress.
DeleteBit close to the writing bone this one, Antonia!
DeleteA terrifying reveal, and a promise of horrible things to come. It's always fascinated (& horrified) me how 'easily' some people become killers.
DeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #149
ReplyDeleteSuspicious Symmetry
The first looked like a tornado had come through, but the safe behind the painting (there’s always a safe behind a painting) was undisturbed. The second looked just the same, as did the third and fourth, down to the splash patterns of identical upended coffee cups. Someone was quite zealous. I wonder if this has to do with the border raids last week? Those folks seemed to love distraction and non-deadly malevolent creepiness. Oh look, a letter! The other three didn’t have one of these.
“To Whom it May Concern…”
These continuing tales have definitely taken on the atmosphere of intrigue lately...something about which I am definitely NOT complaining, I might add. Love that snark about a safe always being found behind a painting. A truer phrase was never written!
DeleteLOL There's always a safe behind a painting.
DeleteThat 'down to the splash patterns' line is SO clever - adds a whole 'nother dimension to an already intriguing tale
DeleteThe line about the safe is my favorite as well! Rosebud's world is so vibrant and fun to follow.
Delete