Another week for me of dealing with very welcome
feedback on a novel, hence too little headspace for a standalone. Luckily Patricia,
perhaps buoyed by last week’s win, found herself full enough of stories to take
up the slack.
This week my admiration was snared by especially
felicitous phrases: jk’s
"trickling upward", David’s
“almost akin to grief.” and John’s
“to consider cashmere mittens” but it was Antonia’s
“platitudes made a cashmere raft” which win’s this week’s prize. Additionally,
a round of applause for Rosie’s The
Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess which reached its 100th episode.
Words
for next week: eviscerate devote tab
Entries by
midnight Thursday 2nd November, winners
and words posted Friday 3rd
If Granny Agnes made one thing perfectly clear when i was growing up was that she didn't cotton to any "new fangled stuff." Any pop song that came over the radio she would eviscerate with her crackly voice, any new gizmo had to be rescued from the trash. But it was death of Clyde Morton of Andersons market that really drove home how ancient she was. After refusing to market Tab soft drink any more, he was found beaten to death with an old wood club.
ReplyDeleteMy ex used to be addicted to Tab. I'd like to think she wouldn't have beaten a grocer with a club, but who knows. Really enjoyable little story here.
DeleteI know a few oldies like this... nice one!
DeleteLike your sense of humour
DeleteA convincing voice
DeleteGood to see you again Ghostrunner - this a well-evoked scene of murderous disgruntlement.
DeleteThis was a magnificent little submission. Loved every inch of it from "Granny Agnes" to "old wood club." Plus, there was that smidgen of humour that made it all so enjoyable.
Deletethank you everyone :)
DeleteCongrats Antonia. I'm not surprised you got top billing this week.
ReplyDeleteTransformation
The powerfully built man studied his appearance in the mirror after devoting too much time to the simple task of shaving. He marveled at the angular face, the sharp features, the high cheek bones. Already, he’d garnered more than his share of admiring glances.
Scratch all that, hit the tab key, get back to the task at hand. The believers weren’t going to eviscerate themselves. He donned his Armani jacket and walked out the door as a group of raucous partygoers passed by on the sidewalk. Perhaps a visit from the antichrist would teach them a few manners.
nice one, John! The MC is well defined, can almost see him.
DeleteNicely disruptive. And I especially enjoyed the casual 'The believers weren’t going to eviscerate themselves'.
DeleteTo echo Antonia, "nice one"...very nice indeed. You brought the image of an antichrist so sharply in focus and a beautiful rendition of his intent. I have to go with Sandra's observation on the casual "believers weren't going to eviscerate themselves" as being the candied cherry atop this particularly delicious cake.
DeleteThanks, Sandra! a lovely surprise this morning. The shop itself has been quiet today, but I was flat out busy sorting Christmas stuff. I do believe it has a mind of its own, all the trailing things imaginable got tangled with the other trailing things, and I hadn't even started on the lights!!
ReplyDeleteGood words, have to see what the brain comes up with...
Nicely done, Antonia. And what a successful comeback after a hiatus in the stand-alone arena! Most worthy win in a week brimming with delightful gems.
ReplyDeleteCut Above
ReplyDeleteWithin the parameters of execution choices, evisceration occupied the lowest of the tabbed preferences. Nevertheless, for individuals fanatical about masochism and who shuddered to think of selecting any other method, the option remained available.
These devotees declared themselves members of a most exclusive coterie and marched toward their end wearing a sandwich board that stated:
"I have the stomach for it."
Twisted! Is there a checkbox for "hung, drawn and quartere" still?
DeleteI can see why evisceration would be so low on the list. I certainly wouldn't choose it, but I'd definitely read this story again. Nice title.
DeleteThis final line very effectively brought a nasty lurch to my stomach. Short and very sharp.
Deleteclever twist there!
DeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 120 - Three's A Crowd
ReplyDeleteWhen Alice's favourite doll, Belinda Blue-Eyes, was found partially eviscerated, she immediately blamed Christopher, even though the boy had not been seen in a while. Apparently, nobody had been keeping tabs on him and his whereabouts remained a mystery.
Although not particularly loyal or devoted, Marmalade was fond of Alice. He offered consolation by curling in her lap and allowing her to scratch behind his ears. Upon her departure -- hopefully in search of a rewarding tasty treat -- Marmalade completed his destruction.
Belinda Blue-Eyes had a nasty habit of misdirecting Alice's affection toward herself.
It really couldn't be tolerated.
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To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
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That Marmalade... first he rips apart the doll, then he offers consolation by allowing his ears rubbed, then he wants a treat... pretty smart cat.
DeleteShock horror! Marmalade really is that nasty? Oh my giddy aunt!
Deleteoh these cats can be devious and definitely nasty, I've watched it with my two! Love this instalment of Marmalade's tale and yes, they do demand total affection. Nothing less will do.
DeleteI see Marmalade's facade of a cuddly kitty possibly had you fooled, Sandra!
DeleteThe Bum Who Fell to Earth
ReplyDeleteThe tramp decanted tarry strings of tobacco from the tabs he’d collected.
His eyes seemed too big for his head.
“Tell us again about the invasion?”
PC Singh nudged PC Henderson.
The tramp rolled a crumpled Rizla.
“Devoted my life to it. Been waiting since 1955.”
Henderson winked.
“Guess they're not coming.”
The tramp’s eyelids slid vertically over bulbous eyes.
“Guess I will act on my own volition then.”
PC Singh jumped back.
“Bloody hell!”
The tramp moved with startling speed.
“Two down,” he said, coldly stepping over their eviscerated bodies.
“Seven and a half billion to go.”
I love the scene setting in the first two lines - here is "essence of tramp" (love the tarry strings); and in the second line the teaser of his strange eyes, that we register subconsciously but only make sense of at the end
DeleteChilling and well done. I like it when somebody unexpected does the unthinkable.
DeleteLoved it! The clues to the alien slide by, but hit home in the end.
DeleteEveryone's said it already - wonderful opening,shocking end and immediate need to re-read.
Deletejust flat out brilliant.
DeleteCold and calculating and cruel. What a delight!!
DeleteI reached to thrust the knife into his throat [Threshold 188]
ReplyDeletebut the shell of it, the outer lining, the larynx, so lobster-like, so tough I’d’ve done better to aim for Lant’s belly and eviscerate him.
Unbidden I remembered an ancient tree, its bark deep-scored, its trunk enwrapped with ivy roots, long-dead but offering, where they’d become unclung, false promise of a ‘peel here’ tab.
I doubted even that would easily succeed.
Belatedly I saw my devoting myself to useless imagery had allowed Lant to once again gain Raven’s ear.
‘Tell her again’ Lant urged. ‘Tell her again I’m not to blame.’
‘Blame for what?’ I asked.
Narrow-eyed and smirking, ‘Self-flagellation.’
Narrow eyed and smirking indeed! Sharp, not useless imagery
DeleteOk, this is getting interesting. Even if it was self-flagellation, which I'm not buying yet, I can't help but shutter at Lant's reaction to the failed knife attack.
Deleteyou've set up a lot in this instalment, now wondering which way it will go.
DeleteSo much depth in the words here and so much speculation as to what might happen next. However, I would not presume to even try and imagine where you might be going! (I'd much rather wsit for the real deal!)
DeleteChange of focus [259]
ReplyDeleteWhile John Pettinger no longer considered the practice of partial strangulation, followed by evisceration, to be an appropriate form of punishment (although no doubt a vivid deterrent) he was even more ambivalent about ‘education’. At least of the timid, softly-softly approach of would-be do-gooders whose devotion to promoting the after-life fell short when it came to queue-jumping , however forcefully applied.
Yet the middle ground –
Inwardly, he groaned, imagining the necessary vastness of a spreadsheet which tabulated grades of wickedness of crimes.
Across the table Tolly Morgan read his face as clearly as if he had spoken. ‘Not like that.’
Every word you choose is so well done - complex yet easy to read. Really enjoyable.
Deletesolid instalment, bringing the characters even more into real life.
DeleteEven more insight into the characters that comprise this intriguing serialization. I truly never know what's coming next...but I do know that I looked forward to finding out.
DeleteEllis 0113
ReplyDeleteJasper’s phone rang, the sotto voce conversation stilled his face.
“Girls, I have to go.” Aww, I had pictured an afternoon watching crappy daytime telly, punctuated with him devotedly fetching me tea, crisps and chocolate.
“A girl has been found at the top of Victoria Park. All hands on deck,“ he explained. “Ellie, write your report from yesterday, including tabs or other drugs you can remember seeing. We’ll go through it at work tomorrow.”
“What’s happened?” Jess asked.
“Attempted evisceration, but she’s alive.”
He left, determination and excitement thrumming through him.
Jess and I managed to exchange a thin smile.
Oooh, somebody did something... I wonder if the victim of the attempted evisceration will spill his guts.
DeleteI'm impressed with how each episode adds external information to the current scene in Ellie's flat. Awaiting what happens next.
DeleteI know John, but this series is deliberately slower paced :)
DeleteSo far Ellie has been woken up feeling shit by her boss ringing the doorbell, cooked breakfast, spaced out a few times, revealed something went wrong on an undercover assignment, and been drug tested by an off duty nurse. And I mistyped the episode count - 13 not 113!
Whoops, I might have said that wrong. Didn't mean to comment on the pace, more like uh oh, somebody knows something about the evisceration based on the thin smile exchange.
DeleteI jut love 'thin smile' - it says so much.
Deleteoooh John I hadn't thought of that! It was meant to be more of a comment on the relationship between Jessica & Ellie without jasper present, but I like your idea :)
DeletePersonally, I adore the slower lead-up pace of this serial. Just enough to tickle the appetite while leaving plenty of room for what's to come. And oh my....one does wonder what is to come!
DeleteDistracted
ReplyDeleteSpecks dance in a small beam of sunlight shining through the window. I watch them spinning and swirling in a fantasy ballet and forget to keep tabs on the monster. Hypnotized by the normally invisible dust fairies, I creep in for a closer look. My hand enters the warm light and the tiny dancers, devoted to their art, move and twist out of the way. A cloud passes and the magic vanishes. The room grows cold and my shoulders drop. Hot breath sears the back of my neck. A sharp claw draws a line across my abdomen, the evisceration completed.
Welcome Dan - lovely to have some new blood here(!) and what a lovely start, lurching us from the delicacy of dancing dust motes to sharp-clawed evisceration. I hope you'll stay around.
DeleteWelcome Dan. I like how the specks of dust dance and lull us, almost relaxing us before the final act of violence. Really well done.
Deletegood to see you made it, Dan, we're not that scary, are we!!
DeleteThis is good, clever, and getting nearer the writing I ask for.
Welcome to the forum, Dan. With talent such as this, I do believe you're going to fit right in. Lovely debut here with some truly beautiful descriptions, vivid and a sparkle to the imagination. That conclusion was a shocker...the type of thing that goes over so well on The Prediction!! Look forward to seeing much more from your talented plume.
DeleteIn The Footsteps
ReplyDeleteEvisceration wasn't his style. Too messy. Too gaudy. Far too theatrical. And totally unnecessary to get the job done.
He held no devotion toward any one location and preferred to travel. Variety was the spice of life, after all -- in some instances anyway. Despite these differences, however, there was a remarkable tabulation of similarities.
Anonymity, stealth, impeccable knife skills (particular focus upon a singular lethal piercing of the jugular in this case), fondness for a distinctive mode of dress and an overwhelming obsession with strumpets.
In many ways, Jack Junior was certainly a chip off the old block.
And this almost sounds like a job application. I'm trusting you'll detail a job or two.
DeleteThis is going to hard to beat. JJ may just end up being your rising star. I'd love to hear about his mother and how she met his father, his conception, his flawed genes... Brilliant introduction of this character.
ReplyDeletethis is so good! such a brilliantly drawn villain, always welcome!
Deletethere will be no stand-alone this week, sorry! It's an example of bad timing, which can't be helped. There's been and is a serial cat killer in the south, along the coast, Portsmouth, here... his trick is to leave the dead cat on the owner's doorstep, so he is checking them out first. The latest report shows he's gone a bit further. A cat went missing, a neighbour found it dead in the gutter and went into his garage to find something to wrap it up before telling the owners. When he went back, the body had gone. The next night it was found laid out on the owner's lawn, eviscerated. So you see, I can't get the image out of my head and to try and write something is just impossible. Leonardo dropped by, though, my next posting will be his thoughts on the current terror activity which is just as bad. Somewhere along the line everyone's lost their sense of 'rightness.'
ReplyDeleteThis is just horrible. I always shudder upon reading such accounts. If an individual is capable of such acts of cruelty...to both the the defenseless animal and its loving owners...then he or she is undoubtedly capable of anything.
DeleteThe Mad Italian 29.
ReplyDeleteMuch time has been devoted to the activities of ‘terrorists’, people who kill and maim in an effort to get their own way. The secret police, and believe me there are many, do their best to keep tabs on them but with those who are not from the UK, that’s extremely difficult to do.
It would seem the aim of these people is to eviscerate the society in which they and you all live. In that way they seek to impose their will on others but if asked, they will say they want democracy. That is not the way.
A little less gory use of eviscerate, very sage of the Italian. Thoughtful look into the motive of the terrorists and the error of their ways.
DeleteThis struck me as being mournful in its rendition. But, as always, the wisdom of the reflections ring true. There is so much wrong in today's world.
DeleteKursaal (Episode Ninety Four) - "Clandestine Operations And Covert Affairs"
ReplyDeleteGiven Crow's vindictive ultimatum regarding Algernon and Dante if cosseting persisted, Cobbles ceased bringing kibble, despite such deprivation eviscerating her heartstrings. Regardless, the pair remained devoted to her.
Lately, under cover of darkness, the hounds artfully slipped their confines to meet Lulu. Sometimes, the littermates indulged in play. Sometimes, in a circle à la Macbeth witches, they seemed to hatch mischief.
Ensconced nearby, Lulu's young mistress watched with amused interest.
Keeping tabs on Algernon and Dante, Cobbles also watched...from a sad distance.
Within a hollow tree, Crow observed everything, confident in his concealment.
But one scrutinee knew he was there.
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To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
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... Poised for another episode. How you keep all these various plates up an spinning never ceases to amaze me.
Deleteanother cliff hanger, brilliant stuff!
DeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #101
ReplyDeleteIndependently Powerful
Georgiana pointed out a brilliantly quaint shop during our most recent escapade. It’s got a wondrous assortment of tabbed bodices and swagged skirts, comfy and perfect for annoying the council. They expect me to devote hours to being dressed princess-fashion when I could be helping eviscerate tax dodgers. Pink and poofy just doesn’t have the influence of sleek midnight blue and gold. And honestly, I’m not five anymore.
This wondrous too Rosie - Rosebud a weekly delight.
Delete