So many excellent entries this
week that once again I tried an arbitrary rule to rate them. Final lines:, I
thought, but how to choose between Antonia’s
‘long pig’, Patricia’s ‘cylindrical
drum’, John’s ‘I wish he hadn’t said
my name’ and David’s ‘Hell would be
unleashed…’?
I couldn’t, so broke another,
lightly-applied, rule and chose David for
a second consecutive week, on the
strength of his opening sentence, broken-winged gargoyle and the
so-very-effective “eyes above the waterline”.
Next week's decision will be simpler for me: Thursday I shall be in
Stirling, attending the Bloody
Scotland Crime Writing Festival and on Friday at a workshop, one of who’s tutors
is Sophie Hannah.
Therefore I am asking each
of you to nominate, on Friday 8th September, your personal winner.
Thereafter, for a couple of weeks, my presence is likely to be a bit erratic, but rest assured, prompt words are already scheduled.
Words
for next week: entrails kiss perfect
Entries
by midnight Thursday 7th September, words
posted Friday 8th September*
Congratulations again David. If that piece was the opening paragraph of a novel I would definitely be buying it :)
ReplyDeleteSeconded, re the novel.
DeleteWay to go, David. I certainly enjoyed that story.
DeleteI been away all last week. Just checked in to find I was the winner for a second week. I am honoured, especially by all the comments. I'm feeling I may turn the adventures of Captain Doghan and his wounded gargoyle into a bit of a flash fiction serial. Liking what people have put up already this week!
Deletemany congratulations, David! sorry for the lateness, it's been a week of hell fighting people to get my finances straight. I won in the end...
DeleteAn excellent story Dave, keep it up.
ReplyDeleteA very worthy win, David. My congratulations. Now...rubs hands together. I love it when we get to vote. And what a magnificent inclusion to "kiss" and "perfect" is "entrails." My mind has already juggled half a dozen scenarios. None of them particularly good but it gets the juices...and blood...flowing.
ReplyDeleteVisceral Remains
ReplyDelete“You don’t think they’d know pig entrails when they saw them?” His breath rattled and whistled between words.
She said nothing, tensed her leg muscles, wondered if she could make it to the door. He twirled the soupy mess with his fingers.
“To run would be the kiss of death, my pretty.”
“So it wasn’t the perfect crime,” she said. “It still got plenty of attention.”
“It’s not a crime to slaughter a pig.” His rheumy eyes locked on hers. He bit into a kidney and fluid dripped on his shirt. “Next time you fake my demise… use a human.”
Crikey, John, this is mighty powerful writing! Daunting too - I at least wonder can I match it?
DeleteThis is one heck of a story, tight writing and good propmt use.
Deleteheh, i've missed your wit :D
DeleteHorrifically and deliciously descriptive. That vision created of an old and sickly fellow without directly saying as much is magnificent.
DeleteLoved the hook of the final line. An excellent, engaging story.
Deletenow you know why I accept virtually every story John sends me!
DeleteA story that jumped into my mind when I saw the prompts and mulled in my drive to work.
ReplyDeleteEternal Love
She quietly closed the back door, sneaking home to surprise Dan. It had been a while since they'd been intimate, what with the financial problems and new job.
Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned.
"Lieutenant, this is the weirdest, sickest scene I've seen."
"This is nothing."
"Nothing!? The corpse of the wife is in bed with her sister, whose's mouth is stuffed with. Dan's entrails. Dan suffocated to death, in the perfect kiss with his first wife, the zombie"
"Welcome to the graveyard shift, rookie, literally and figuratively."
Then again, maybe things did go as planned.
Horrific scenario, well-mulled.
Deletegutsy :D
DeleteSome tryst that ended up being. Very vivid.
DeleteNicely done and totally unexpected. This was a great entry and perfect use of the prompts. The title weren't too shabbily accurate either!
DeleteA clever use of the graveyard shift. This sounds like a bloody fascinating world! :)
Deletenice POV switch to show us the crime scene.
DeleteSettling differences [Threshold 180]
ReplyDeleteHolding my eyes tight as the wrist of the hand that held the knife, Twin Two steered it to execute a perfectly matching grid on his own forearm before extricating it from my fingers and handing it to his brother, who rendered the central square an identical scarlet, thus obliterating the temporary clue as to which of them was which.
Eyes cold enough to chill my very entrails, Twin Two sneered, ‘We always kiss and make up, sweetling. And we always share. My turn now –‘
I looked to Twin One to rebut this false impression.
Laughing, ‘After you –‘
an interesting peice of betrayal
DeleteBetrayal isn't quite the word I have in mind. Mysterious and convoluted are apt descriptions. Nicely written.
DeleteNasty little exercise in "what yours is mine." These twins are certainly intriguing characters...almost on a part with their brother. You are so skilled at bringing them to life.
Deletewhat an unpleasant pair and how vividly they come across!
DeleteLoved the imagery of the first line - 'holding my eyes tight as the wrist...that held the knife'. The twins definitely sound nasty!
DeleteThe sundering was complete, neath fingers of loving Rowan trees. Her beauty without measure. Her scorn without bounds. I gazed down into eyes as lovely as fresh entrails, and whispered of of the loathsome things I would do to her perfect form. Her mouth parted in a smile as perfect as newly slit skin. She motioned me closer and bent down willingly.
ReplyDelete"Die," she whispered, as she drove the knife into my dark and malignant heart. Then sealed my fate with a kiss.
Very nasty; I liked the "dark and malignant heart".
DeleteBeauty and scorn always go well together. More scorn though with this. Brutal.
DeleteAn appropriate quote, "Beauty killed the beast". Newlt slit skin, a good use of POV.
DeleteWasn't expecting the story to take that turn! I think "eyes as lovely as fresh entrails" captured the supreme moment here.
Deletemore blood and gore in one short piece than I see in 4000 word stories, (which could do with more blood and gore) really well done.
DeleteA bloody piece to be sure, with lots of lovely (& chilling!) lines - 'neath fingers of loving Rowan trees' and 'parted in a smile as perfect as newly slit skin'.
DeleteLove.
ReplyDeleteHe moans deep, almost a growl, as our hot breath mingles in the kiss. Our tongues tango together embracing passion.
He leans further into me, his loins a granite presence against my hip.
I open my eyes. The time is now.
He is so engrossed in the taking, my Huntsman knife goes unnoticed.
Until his lips, part with an exhale as pleasure registers pain. As he aims to pull away, my grasp tightens.
My ecstasy reaches its crescendo, as his entrails wet my shoes.
“That was perfect.”
Hard to get those wet and bloody shoes, and the sensation of them, out of my head.
DeleteI love this one, Theresa. A really great erotic scene with that little twisty thing at the end. And then, with visceral remains on her shoes, she goes and says how great it was.
DeleteI agree with John on this being a well done erotic scene. Her nonchalant attitude is a bit stunning. Good story.
DeleteI can only echo the former sentiments of a nicely done erotic scene. The delivery of the final line was...in a word..."perfect"!
Deletenice one, really is, like the depictions going on and the gore spilling end.
DeleteI agree with Patricia - excellent delivery of the final line. I also loved your clever use of 'granite presence'.
DeleteAudition for a radio play
ReplyDeleteScript gripped between her twitching fingers, forget-me-not eyes desperate to dispel ideas of lack-of-experience ignorance, ‘I know about coconut shells for galloping horses. But how do you do ... kissing, and, and ... ’
‘Fucking?’
Scarlet flush from throat to hairline. She nodded.
‘Entrails,‘ I said, licking my lips. ‘Fresh and moist. Stirred in a bucket, they’re perfect for the sound of sweaty, entwined limbs, the thrusting of male members into –‘
‘Oh. Yes.’ She scrabbled through the pages, ‘It also mentions screams, of the dying. How –?’
I smiled: another innocent. ‘Where d’you suppose we get fresh entrails from?’
I live this!!
Delete*love
DeleteBloody autocorrect !
Really cool, Sandra. I like how enthused they feel about all this going on. Chilling with a touch of humor.
DeleteI'll accept JK's accidental slip. An excellent last line and how the story is set up for it. Well designed.
DeleteNicely, nicely done. Beautiful display of innocence into awareness. Although we don't get to see the latter reaction, I'm pretty sure it's equally as overwhelming as the more sensual revelations.
Deleteclever, clever, loved it.
DeleteOooh I may never listen to radio plays the same way. :) I enjoyed how we're left to wonder if she'll become victim, or flip the narrative.
DeletePerfectio In Procedeno
ReplyDeleteShe is young and still learning, but close to perfection. Exquisite features. Delicate bone structure. Despite being undoubtedly mine, the relationship is non-exclusive. Luckily, I am not possessed of a jealous nature and have no objection to her philandering ways. She always returns to me.
I must admit my acceptance is not necessarily unselfish. There is rapture to be found in kissing the intoxicating mouth where sticky-sweet blood yet lingers and in sucking the entrails that curl, glistening wet and warm, from her impudent fingers.
Exquisitely-depicted gruesomeness.
DeleteWow, we have some good ones this week. Going to be hard to choose. This one will be in my running though. The entrails entwined in her fingers is especially gruesome.
DeleteSome flip coins with their fingers. a very good story and prompt use.
Deletemore vivid imagery, perfectly presented.
DeleteChilling and dark, with beautiful phrasing. I agree with John, this is one of my favorites for the week!
DeleteChange of focus [251]
ReplyDeleteBargee to MP was quite a leap. But accounted for Morgan senior’s physique: short-legged, barrel-chested and biceps about to burst his jacket.
Glumly apologetic, ‘I blame his mother. Always said her mother must’ve done like Macwhatsit’s witches and hatched her in a pot –‘
‘Macbeth’
‘That’s the one. Double-bubbled entrails and one-eyed bats. ‘Course, she right put a spell on me. Behaved like a perfect lady ‘til she got a ring on her finger. Getting pregnant was the kiss of death for us.’
Pettinger stirred, ‘And Morgan?’
‘Spoiled rotten. Why not leave him to the mercy of the local gangs?’
True colors coming out after the marriage. A nightmare I'd just soon not live. Very enjoyable.
DeleteMacwhatsit's is a great line by itself. Enjoyable as allways with Pettinger.
DeletePettinger's adventures are always pure joy. At the risk of being an echo again this week, I'm with Jeffrey in my enjoyment of that "Macwhatsit" reference. And thus, should all of Shakespeare's works be remembered. (Apologies to any fans out there, but I've never gotten along well with the bard!)
Deletewith you on the condemnation of everything Shakespeare wrote, as in everything - the untold damage he did to Richard III -
Deletelike this instalment, it moves fast, sharp dialogue carrying the scene well.
The Macwhatsit’s line was my favorite as well. Strong sense of the characters in this piece.
DeleteA Dagger's Kiss
ReplyDeleteThe dagger pierced the bloated belly. It sounded like a kiss. With perfect choreography, the witch spread the hare’s bloody entrails across the grassy bank.
She leaned in to examine, then turned and cast a cold glare to where the gargoyle was nursing her wounded wing on the gilded deck of the barge.
“She’ll be the death of you,” she said. “It is written.”
The moon became shrouded by an ominous grey cloud.
A shiver ran through the Captain. The canal rippled. Something that did not wish to be seen submerged itself and descended to the murky depths.
haruspicy was the first thing in my mind when I read the prompt words too, but I couldn't find a way of weaving that into either of my serials... well done!
DeleteGoing for three in a row? Very nice, David. Well crafted and entertaining... in a macabre sort of way.
DeleteVivid and efficient, the dialogue especially engaging.
DeleteAND a new word learnt - thanks Jk!
Nicely and vividly written. A solid story and writing.
DeleteVery reminiscent of those eyes above the waterline. I'm rather glad we don't have "hearing vision" (or however that might be described). I have a feeling that a dagger piercing a bloated belly and sounding like a kiss, might well be ringing in my ears all day. I'm becoming rather fond of the gargoyle and gratified that she is female.
Deletevivid depiction of the scrying going on here, like it.
DeleteI really enjoyed the atmosphere you set with this piece. The description of the sounds was spot on and squirm-inducing. It was also fun that the gargoyle was female. :)
DeleteInhuman
ReplyDeleteFrom the perfect replica of an ancient French tumbrel, the prisoner waved at the crowd and blew kisses to the females in attendance. The scheduled form of execution had been abolished for centuries but reinstated to make an example of such an audacious revolutionary, who appeared oblivious to his barbaric fate.
The punishment method was basically symbolic. He was hung, drawn and quartered, remaining stoic throughout as though he didn't feel a thing.
His entrails, including the sensors, actuators and power supply, were taken away for recycling.
A nice twist, now wondering if the revolutionary will be reassembled...
DeleteVery clever combination of past and future, and so original.
DeleteA very imaginative story with a unique ending. Viva la revolution!
DeleteLove the concept of the condemned man/whatever acting as he did. I was kind of routing for him.
Deletethis was a lovely surprising twist!
DeleteClever turn at the end, which I was not expecting.
DeleteGostegodd 010
ReplyDeletePerfection, for Aonghasa, was when the shipserfs ran. Scuttling away through the service warrens, or further, into the ships entrails, ducting. How could they know where to run and hide better than the Captain? The Knave had been his for so long. However fast or cunning they were, he would find them, end the chase in a crushing kiss. The sensors weren’t even illegal.
Rioja had pulled the clothes around her, wishing to vanish deeper into the closet, waiting for Aonghasa’s next move. Had he seen the bug?
“You’re not on the roster!” Aonghasa blustered. “Where’s that brick skinned bint?”
What am original and vivid description is "brick skinned bint". I like the complexity of this.
DeleteIt's hard to say something different when the stories I can comment on, are all that good. Nice story.
DeleteA rather demented game of hide and seek. Very unique.
DeleteIntriguing and thus far, the most unique use of "entrails" this week. It's an inspired use...incorporating it into the inner workings of a ship. Magnificent creativity.
Deletesoooo good!
DeleteI also noted the clever use of "entrails". Definitely a creative and engaging piece.
DeleteEllis 005
ReplyDeleteDrugged?
Maybe that explained the gnawing hunger pangs in my belly. Restored by tea, I opened the fridge to see if I had the makings of a fry up. Eggs, tomatoes, black pudding. Links of butchers sausages coiled up like entrails. Perfect!
“Ellie, you’ve spaced out again. You’ve been staring into that fridge for five minutes.” Jasper put his arm around my shoulders and plunked a kiss on my forehead.
“What are we going to do with you?” he asked. “What were you doing at that place anyway?”
I could answer that one, “DCI Petersson picked me to go undercover.”
Once again, this leaves me wanting more, hooked on Ellis and Jasper's interaction.
DeleteA very enjoyable series and a worthy addition.
DeleteLike Sandra, I like how these two interact. You do it so effortlessly it seems.
DeleteLovely relationship between Ellie and Jasper. I could be wrong, but I don't even pick up on any sexual tension, just pure friendship and loyalty. Wish you hadn't mentioned a "fry up" though. Been ages since I had a good one of those and now I'm a-hankering!
Deletefry-ups are banned in a vegan household... not that I oculd eat one these days, the stomach rebels at thin air at times. I like this instalment, it's natural, it fits well with the previous ones.
DeleteI enjoyed the natural feel of their relationship, and the hints of the story beyond their home mixed with a comfortable, everyday scene. Great characters!
DeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 112 - The Booking Office
ReplyDeleteThe abandoned Booking Office was the perfect location for Alice's library. Nobody ever looked for her there. Shelves formerly housing timetables and tickets now held Alice's story collection.
She adored fairytales. The princess who kissed a frog and the little duckling who became a swan. Her favourite was the red-caped girl whose grandmother was eaten by a wolf and then materialized unscathed from the beast's entrails after it was slain by a woodcutter.
Alice often wondered what might emerge from the innards of her stuffed animals if disemboweled, but she was fearful and loved them too much to find out.
--------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
Oh, this so perfectly in tune with Cripplegate; I envy Alice her library and her fear about her stuffed animals spot-on.
DeleteDon't know if it matters but she was afraid of what might be there, before she admitted her love for them.
DeleteI enjoyed how you merged Alice and her library into one.
Loved the correlation of the wolf being cut open to the stuffed animals. I recall wondering about the woodcutter and his act of freeing the grandmother. It probably gave me bad dreams.
DeleteI quite like the way round you have the story, the fear before the love, because fear is stronger than love any time of the day. So this rings true to me.
DeleteI really love this scene, and the description of Alice's library. That final line is just perfect, and it reveals so much about her.
DeleteThe Balcony Puppets
ReplyDelete"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Guess."
"Guess Who."
"Bingo."
"Kalvan, that's so old, it's entrails have turned to dust."
"David, grab some popcorn, the story comments are coming in."
"How's our prodigy's story doing?"
"Descently, feels he's taking it on the kisser."
"Kalvan, what's the perfect story?"
"There isn't one."
"I disagree. The perfect story is the one you write for yourself."
"A story is shared with others, not kept secret; otherwise you only have the description of a dream."
"Nicely put."
"Thanks but that begs the question: where do stories come from?"
"From people's dreams."
Big, big question: "what's the perfect story?". Not sure I agree with the answers given here ... but don't have one myself either. Thinking of the two stand-outs for me, it was the visceral emotion and sense of getting high on words that put them up there.
DeletePhilosophical puppeteers. They may be able to argue all day about where stories come from. Thanks for putting it out there, Jeffry.
DeleteDialogue nicely put together and easy to follow. Although I've never seen a full episode of The Muppets (only clips here and there), but aren't there two elderly chaps who heckle each other from a balcony? Anyway, this reminded me of that. Superb questioning, of course. Like Sandra, however, I fail to come up with a definitive answer.
DeleteI remember the two old guys, Patricia, my daughter was a Muppets fan, especially of Elmo.
DeleteThese two are arguing over something that cannot be resolved but throwing up interesting thoughts in doing it.
Love the idea of two characters bantering as they look down on a third. A fun, rapid piece.
DeleteKursaal (Episode Eighty Six) - "Crow's Cunning Plan/Part Two"
ReplyDeleteCrow tossed fresh entrails into the pen. Raw organ consumption was perfect for growing pups.
After her brother left, Cobbles appeared with two bowls of kibble. She sympathized with the hounds and always fed them palatable fare when she could. She kissed their welcoming wet noses and scratched behind the erect ears. They licked her hand and fawned at her feet.
Nearby, Crow watched the nauseating scene. His harelip curled. Small wonder Algernon and Dante were cringing curs instead of aggressive machines. Such kindhearted treatment could not be allowed to continue.
He would have to do something about it.
---------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
Sibling rivalry with a vengeance methinks. I dare not trust family loyalty.
DeleteA vividly pened continuation. I enjoy how you differentiate their personalities. I wonder if Algernon and Dante will protect Cobbles. Nice name selection and as always, very good prompt use.
DeleteA nice little scene here. Simple and elegantly written. Jeffry brings up a good point as to what the dogs might do if Crow gets violent.
Deleteagain, prompts so well embedded I had to search for them. This is full of quiet animal menace.
DeleteI worry for Cobbles and the pups. You have an excellent way of making me immediately care for the characters.
DeleteThe Passing
ReplyDeleteA charcoal veil of ash lays light across our hair and shoulders, dusting bone-white strands and pale flesh, as though with powdered stone. Lvia grins wildly up at the darkened sky, her delicate hands dancing, as she plucks another blinded moth from the air.
“It’s begun,” she says.
Cooling blood splatters my upraised face, as a bird, clutching ropey entrails in red-dipped talons, passes overhead. I kiss a palm and raise it skyward.
“It’s not Mother,” I say, feeling certainty spread like rot in my belly. Her perfection is not present in the fire-swept sky.
We are betrayed.
Gorgeous description of a nightmare situation, Zaiure. Always a joy to read your words.
DeleteA lot of cool little things in this one, all combining into a great story. Loved her palm kiss salute.
Deletealmost missed the prompts, they're so well embedded. Darkly moving.
DeleteThe opening setting description was great and continued through to the end. I second Antonia's comment about the prompts.
DeleteYour stories always carry such an elegance of words, beautifully chosen and combined like a perfect cake batter. I'm with John on that palm kiss. Absolutely lovely.
DeleteThe Mad Italian 21
ReplyDeleteThe arguments which go on over Brexit may well yet result in entrails being scattered across the central aisle of the Parliament chamber rather than kisses of conciliation. There is no perfect solution, no compromise that will not hurt many, but it has to be fought through.
The problem lies in the inner workings of the mind of the members who throng the corridors but sense not the history of the building and its place in the minds of the people. If they were to do that, the UK would be out of Europe tomorrow.
This embodies the difficulties going on and what's to come. It may be hard to decide who won when it's over.
DeleteA thoughtful, relevant piece. Loved the line 'the problem lies...'.
DeleteThis is a lovely piece. To me, the tension is hidden behind the veil of words, very well done. Oh, is the spirit of Guy Fawks smiling?
DeleteAs we have now come to expect, the Mad Italian's knowledge of current "comings and goings" is delivered with an expert observation. How fascinating it must be when this character arrives each week with his story.
DeleteNo, Guy is with me, my Seneschal in the spirit world. He has no interest in what goes on in Parliament these days. His story is out there (Brief and Bitter Hearts) which we fought our way through with many tears, so we don't approach the subject again. He's a shy, devoted man whose loyalty was exploited by the others, all of whom ran.
ReplyDeleteI'm loaded with work at the moment, two large edits and my book on My Life With Spirit to write - so a standalone evaded me this week. I've also been battling both financial institutions and energy companies (won my battle with both, they now get paid the way I want, not the way they want and, in the case of the financial institution, a cut off of the robotic telephone calls that freak my daughter out. I won't have that and I won that battle, too. All numbers have been deleted. They can only contact me by post) so I feel a tad drained but should bounce back next week, all being well. Now to go work on the book. I hadn't realised how many memories I had been storing... 23 years of spirit work since I opened my eyes to being a medium, but there was a lot before that happened. 14000 words done so far.
The Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #93
ReplyDeleteWhat’s the Point?
You’d think by now people would realize their entrails are the same as everyone else’s. Why do they still kill? Why do they still fight petty wars over petty differences? Do they see themselves as the only perfect humans? Is everyone else not worth the space? Everyone has lips that kiss the same. Everyone has a heart that beats the same. Why are we hated? Why do we hate? The Lords of Storm and the Lords of Ice fight every winter to a standstill. Why?
I enjoyed this for its difference from the others. I felt the passion of your well chosen words and liked your use of prompts.
DeleteRelevant, passionate, and well said. Also love the imagery evoked by 'Lords of Storm' and 'Lords of Ice'.
DeleteThank you all for the kind comments on my piece. It is tough to pick my favorite! So many wonderful and memorable lines for 100 word challenge. After reading these over and over again, I keep coming back to ghostrunner - so there I'll stick.
ReplyDeleteVotes hereunder...
ReplyDeleteI sympathise with Sandra, having to pick every week! My honourable mentions go to Zaiure, David and Ghostrunner, but my top vote is for Sandra's Audition for a Radio play for it's inventive and funny start and less funny end.
DeleteGood Morning, I clearly thought yesterday was Friday! Darn - I need to go to work now :(
ReplyDeleteMy vote (though not easily chosen, kudos to all) ghostrunner
When going over and over the stories, Picking one or maybe two as winners isn't easy. That said I've two for honorable mention, as I know how nice that can be,
ReplyDeletePatricia's Inhuman and Zaiure's The Passing
for the top spot, John's Visceral Remanins
After much inner debate (because there are many great ones this week) I’m going with Theresa’s scintillating yet tasteful Love.
ReplyDelete*blushing* thank you!
DeleteI'd like to thank all for your comments on my stories this week, and to Zaiure, thank you for the suggestion to make Eternal Love a series, I'll look at that.
ReplyDeletemy winner is Sandra with that audition. Yuk!
ReplyDeleteHard to pick this week, but I'm also leaning towards the audition piece. Clever!
DeleteI am constantly amazed that Sandra is able to do this week after week. It's so incredibly difficult. That having been said, I found myself drawn to three frontrunners: John's "Visceral Remains" and Sandra's "Audition For A Radio Play." However, the top position on my personal podium for its elegance and pure composition is Zaiure's "The Passing." That kiss from an upturned palm was a clincher for me.
ReplyDelete