A hundred and
ninety-four episodes, and never a week missed (unless Prediction itself was
absent) is a four years acquaintance with the Captain, and while I understand,
as Kipling would have it, that ‘Captains and Kings depart’ (and we have
been promised a Mad Italian to take his place), it is nevertheless sad to see
him wickedly settle down.
But so typically and so well did he bow out that Antonia
is undoubtedly this week’s winner.
Which is a relief, for it would, once again have been
hard to choose. I console myself that we are all rewarded by both what we are
offered to read and by the comments of our fellow writers.
Entries
by midnight Thursday 20th April, words
and winners posted on Friday 21st
Most apt choice, Sandra. I really don't think there were any other contenders last week. The highest accolade to you, Antonia, for such a magnificent long-running serialization that had all of us intrigued and fascinated to the very end. I'm sure Captain Teach is raising a tankard in your honour (and his) at this very moment.
ReplyDeleteGood on ya, Antonia
DeleteTHANK YOU Sandra and thank you, Patricia for the good words! I was knocked out this morning to find out I was the winner. Problem: I can't comment on this blog from the shop computer, had to wait until I got home to say a heartfelt thank you for giving us the opportunity to write such an ongoing serial. I never thought it would be that varied and interesting, so pleased it was.
ReplyDeleteGood words for the Mad Italian to conjure with, let's see what he does with them.
Well done Antonia - thoroughly deserved. Have you thought about releasing a chapbook / novella of all the instalments? I'd definitely be interested! Failing that, is there an easy way to get the instalments in one go, rather than having to manually go through each weeks competition here? I ask as I'd love to read the whole tale from start to finish. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI've no plans at the moment to release a chapbook, in fact I'd not thought of it! I'll ask my publisher. Thanks very much for the nudge.
ReplyDeleteMeantime, if you write me at
awoodville@gmail.com I'll send you the complete word file. OK?
Fantastic - thanks!
DeleteCongrats to Antonia and the Captain for his inspiration.
DeleteMay Maynard never find him, so he may enjoy his retirement. Thanks very much for this series, Antonia. What I read was both witty, serious and had a touch of humor.
DeleteScraps (untitled WIP part 4)
ReplyDeleteRachel arrived at the office to find a notice pinned to the locked door.
'Closed' the rubric simply stated. Below that were details about receiving their final paycheck.
'You're fucking kidding..."
She stood for a moment, dazed at the loss of this further piece of normality.
Then she turned and headed home, desperately wondering what she did now.
She was so engrossed that she almoat missed the cornershop.
It was open.
Inside, the shelves were sparsely stacked. It was the most she'd seen for sale in weeks - and, being a natural spendthrift, she had no problem paying the exhorbitant prices.
-----
I deleted the first attempt as I'd gotten the meaning of spendthrift completely wrong - I actually thought it meant overly careful with your money... I've learned something new! :-)
I misused spendthrift as well. Dang.
Delete'Spendthrift' as a prompt came about because when I used it correctly, my husband queried it (silly man - will he never learn?) and I liked it too much not to use it here, No intention of catching folks out.
DeleteI really liked and enjoyed the realism of the situation you created. Believable, sad and a kind of non-flinching attitude.
DeleteAnd sorry Rich, omitted to comment but liked the everyday simplicity of this, especially the turnaround at the end.
DeleteA very nice depiction that led into something more at the end and certainly took me by surprise.
DeleteLight and entertaining, though you forgot to edit out the "sale", which contradicts the idea of "exorbitant prices".
DeletePerry, I see what you mean but I read this as sale as 'to be sold' not sale = 'going cheap'.
DeleteA little heartbreak, a little grit in her response, and then she does something unexpected be spending when she should be saving. They all combined to make an interesting tale.
DeleteTriangle Repartee-3
ReplyDelete“I’m Amatrine Knorr and this is for Aesculapius. Will we conquer death?”
“Amartine, if you mean, live forever, nope. Live longer...perhaps. Death makes man fearful and that makes men greater. When fear of death is sparse; life is boring, even rubric. When life is finite, people become spendthrift.
Man have always elevated singular men, why? Do you know why the individual became paramount to the group? That’s because the individual lives, even if the group dies. You see, when man defines death, he’s also defined life. That’s why the hero is elevated over the group.
That will need to change.”
You've veered back to enough obscurity to confuse me, but have done so with a very believable weightiness.
DeleteI noticed a mistake. It should be man has always...
DeleteMy intent was to use Man as a plural and men as more of a singular, not to confuse. I'm glad it came across as believable. My attempt to voice mans desire for heroes.
Re mistakes - I've learnt (mostly, it doesn't always happen) to let my pieces sit overnight and return to them next day before posting, so as to iron out errors in advance.
DeleteExecuted in your unique style, but I'm not sure this didn't go over my head. I appreciate the composition but don't believe I grasped the meaning. Nonetheless, an excellent example of venturing outside the box.
DeleteWow. I Really like this - it reads so well and the speaker sounds so authoritative.
DeleteOh very Socratic and credible. I like it. Your later edited version has dropped the "spars" prompt.
DeleteCool story. You used the prompt words so effortlessly.
DeletePerry is right, I did forget sparse. I should go back to writing Dick and Jane stories, I was good with those books.😇
DeleteThe Dismissal
ReplyDeleteStartled, the schoolmaster peered over his dollar store readers at the attractive lecturer who stridently entered his office unannounced. With trembling hands, he quickly set some papers over the performance rubrics spread onto his insufficient desk. The sparse office décor verified a spendthrift he was not.
“Three Oaks is cutting back significantly, according to rumor,” she said.
“Since when is the board not cutting back?”
“Let me see the list.” Her eyes bore into his.
“Leanne, there’s no need to fret.”
She pulled a revolver from her shoulder bag and shakily pointed it. “Let me see the goddamn list!”
*-*-*-*-
Like Rich, I completely misused spendthrift in my first post. Thank God for the delete option.
Desperation comes to me about your story. Pulling a gun to see if your on a to be fired list, when that act would produce the undesirable result. Unless there's more going on than we know...yet.
DeleteWhew - another end of employment turnaround, with violence abounding.
DeleteSome wonderfully painted images here, such as "dollar store readers" and a "shakily pointed" revolver. I agree with Jeffrey in that this piece screams of desperation. So much portrayed in so few words and I had to read a couple of times before I located all the prompts.
DeleteWonderful. This is one of those stories that grabs the reader by the scruff of the neck and drags them in. I really want to know what happens next!
DeleteApologies for not getting involved more last week. My piece was a rushed effort to try and get back into the swing of things before I went away for a few days. Hope to be more involved this week. Very well done, Antonia, both on the win and the longevity of your work.
ReplyDeletePossession nine tenths of the law [Threshold 160]
ReplyDeleteHad Raven held this rubric all along? Delivered and stolen my son, killing him only when death the better option?
Was our subsequent meeting no accident? My rescue by Burk’s father pre-ordained? His knowledge, albeit sparse, led to my bedding by the spendthrift O’Bedrun who failed to impregnate me but revealed knowledge of my father.
Did that empower Raven to seek out Vetch, pretending ignorance of his possessing written proof of my inheritance?
Only when armed with that had he returned to his grandmother, enlisted my sympathy and had Cathra kill her.
Then demonstrated unexpected familiarity with family history.
Oh my, Raven the puppet master and his strings? I read this three times before locating all the prompts, very well done. Your and others, ability to go back to previous episodes, amazes me and is an awesome enhancement to all of your stories.
DeleteIntrigue abounds in this episode. And just when you thought you knew all there was to know about the enigmatic Raven. How you have managed to sustain this story through 160 installments is, to say the least, impressive.
DeleteAnother instalment and another piece of incredible prose. I need to study your writing because you always manage to say so much with so few words - awesome stuff!
Deletean interest grabbing instalment, much going on beneath the surface and above it, a mix of volatile happenings.
DeleteYou certainly have a way with words, Sandra. It was interesting how you told the story with a series of questions. Very enjoyable.
DeleteEXODUST
ReplyDeleteStill scratching at skin inflamed by the nettle-swat, Colm followed his father along the dark avenues which led from their home beyond the rubric of their exile.
Finbar looked back in response to his irritated susurration. “C’mon boy, there’s always dock growing near nettles. Docken in, nettle out.”
Colm had sparse faith that everything would work as in Beforelife.
“Just because nettles–”
“Hush…” Finbar adjusted Sorcha’s position on his shoulders.
The rest of their makeshift family froze. Only tentative breathing and the odd curse was audible.
“Rats,” the rearguard hissed.
Weapons slithered and clattered like money from a spendthrift’s pocket.
Delicious writing this, and I was tempting to go on about the final line being the cherry on the cake, except that none of it is that sort of sweetness is it?
DeleteA new word, excellently placed, susurration. I like how you are continuing this and how well this is written.
DeleteThank you both. Your feedback is invaluable. Hopefully I'll soon get time to return the compliment.
DeleteThis could have been a scene directly out of "Song of Ice and Fire" or some other equally epic tale of high fantasy. Love the "Docken in, nettle out" phrase. Magnificent writing.
DeleteAnd WOW, what a compliment! Thank you, Patricia.
DeleteThe more I read of this continuing saga, the more I love it! Some great turn of phrase and an ending that wants me to desperately know what happens next.
Deletethis is so good, the dialogue so much a part of the overall setting that the one could not exist without the other.
DeleteWhat a great opening sentence. Sounds like something paramount is about to happen at the end. Really good writing here.
DeleteChange of focus [231]
ReplyDeleteA sensation of having been too spendthrift with his breath clamped John Pettinger’s throat; hands gripped laptop with throttling impotency. The on-screen image spun across a painted ceiling, whose rubric of ancient saints he remembered from his childhood, then downwards, past the back of Valdeta’s head before returning to a view of Aleks’ chest and –
And nothing.
Blackness total. Visual information sparse as for a blind man in a coalmine.
Silence lasted long enough for Pettinger to believe himself equally struck with deafness, then a triplet of sound: male rumble, Valdeta incoherent and baby screaming.
Aleks’ anticipated indignation entirely absent.
Your opening line is a great hook. The use of prompts is also well done. A blind man in a coal mine. Great
DeleteWhat an innovative use of "spendthrift." So much to tingle the senses here. And what of Aleks? I'm sure Pettinger is fearful for the safety of his boy.
DeleteBold use of vocabulary and imagery throughout - an exciting installment.
DeleteGreat use of the prompts, and some powerful imagery - fantastically done!
Deletethe abrupt choppy sentences add to the drama of this instalment, combined with vivid imagery and a last line we all wish we could achieve.
DeleteNight Messenger 5: Allow me to Introduce Myself
ReplyDeletePhilas made his move, lifting a purse from the mage’s waist. Unexpectedly, the mage whirled, grabbing Philas’s left arm. Philas looked at the mage, who said, “I’ll be sparse. My rubric is: pay for a service, make them pay for failure. Keep the purse but don’t be a spendthrift or a juggler. You’re obviously not a thief.” He whispered to Philas then walked away. Philas let out a blood curdling scream as his arm began to shrivel as it disappeared; his left sleeve now flapping in the air as Philas ran away screaming.
That’s impressive! Now to find Philas.
Thank you for the title which put the song into my head and continued through the reading of this (but I confess to being displaced by the final sentences)
DeleteThe last line was Uxator offering respect for what was done, then to check on Philas. Perhaps I should delete it.
DeleteIt was more te ' as Philas ran away screaming.' that confused me. Delete by all means since it is only me commented so far.
DeleteThanks for the option to delete but that would be running away. It's my flag, my story, however it gets called out or commented on.
DeleteLike Sandra, I was thrown instantly into "Sympathy for the Devil" courtesy of the title. This episode didn't resonate with me as much as the previous ones but nonetheless, skillfully composed and unique as ever.
DeleteGripping episode (sorry, Philas), though the use of "sparse" sat uncomfortably with me (just my opinion) and the overuse of the name Philas does set up some confusion - especially at the end where one expects, having more than adequately dealt with a potential thief, the mage would move on to address someone else.
DeleteBut these are minor hiccups in an engaging saga.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. For a moment I thought Philas had been let off... and then that ending hit me like a bucket of ice water to the face - chilling stuff!
DeleteI'm with Perry here, the over use of the name was confusing, had you removed half of them you would have had more words to play with. It's something to remember. How much can you take out so the story can progress without confusing the reader too much. I agree the last line jars, Philas is central to the instalment, so to say 'now to find Philas' indicates a POV leap. It's an intriguing instalment, despite that, just something to watch for in all your writing.
DeleteI used Philas as I had a concern about using 'he' causing confusion between Philasand the mage.
DeleteI do agree that used his name excessively. Another learning experience.
Map reading
ReplyDeleteHe was only the second man to appreciate.
Most commented on the cost. Made some remark which incorporated, in intent if not actuality, words such as ‘spendthrift’ and ‘narcissist’; their revulsion stemming from being forced to contemplate – coming face to face with – their ignorance, their inability and the fear that it was all too late.
He knew to translate the tiny script of circled rubrics. To trace, with tongue and finger tip, touch sparse as exhaled breath of sleeping babe, the fine-inked lines that led inexorably to the places where pleasure was most intense.
The tattooist had been the first.
Dear lord, this was dark...and delicious. You are certainly the mistress of a killer last line, that's for sure and the prompts were invisible.
DeleteAn excerpt which grabs the reader by the throat, demanding "Read more."
DeleteBeautifully written. I enjoyed it so much I read it several more times just to savour the writing.
DeleteThank you all - this was one of those that came from waking early, mulling over the prompts words and having the idea of tattooist arrive just like that. Then I just got up and wrote it - Wish all writing was like that, but my novels are a lot more ... dilute and harder-won.
DeleteWouldn't we all wish writing came that easy, but when it does, it's spectacular, as this is. Novels are harder work because of sustaining that sweet easy flow when coping with Real Life.
DeleteEnticenly mysterious, shadowy and jaded. Yet I'm not sure if the tattooist is the first victim or the one doing the tracing. A most well scripted story, Sandra.
DeleteTime Out
ReplyDeleteDesignated holidays were sparse. Perhaps once a year. More likely a decade. Maybe. Her rubric was uncomplicated. To simply enjoy herself.
She was no spendthrift. Still, a pampered afternoon at the exclusive spa would not go amiss and a front row seat at the latest Broadway sensation, although exorbitant, would be a memorable experience. Other than that, a Caramel Frappuccino at Starbucks and light lunch at Tavern on the Green sounded delightful.
A calamity-free day with no fatalities and no disasters.
Tomorrow would be different.
But for now, Death made the most of her well-deserved vacation.
Light touch with very sharp - and highly polished - fingernails is how I see this. You are so talented at creating atmosphere, Patricia.
DeleteA smooth casual construction of a character with effortless blend of the prompts - rather reminiscent of Pratchett's famous 'Anthropomorph', only with a switch to the female. Loved it.
DeleteI love this - some great prose and that line ("Tomorrow would be different") that has mentioning to find out what happens next.
Deletethis is cleverly done, and I say that a lot about your contributions each week, Patricia!
DeleteSeveral Native Anerican Indians, used a totem pole. Many misunderstand that it's the figure at the bottom that's the most important, as it's holding everything up.
DeleteIt's excellent stories like these, that make it so easy for me to look down as see how far I've come and as yet, still have to go.
Such an intrepid story, lightly and with surgical percision, leading to that great last line.
This piece was based in large part upon one of Neil Gaiman's beautifully crafted "Endless" characters. I adore all seven siblings he created in those tales but "Death" is probably my personal favourite. I don't claim to match his talent in any way, but hope this homage does justice in some small way to the perky younger sister of "Destiny" and older sister to "Dream," "Destruction," "Desire," "Despair" and "Delirium."
DeleteKursaal (Episode Sixty Six) -- "The Amorous Affairs Of Arbuthnot Jester/Part Four"
ReplyDeleteMénage à trois was harmonious with Arbuthnot Jester's rubric. When the Deviant Twins gave him the eye (total of four), he was up for the challenge.
Otherwise identical, the sisters were diametric in character. Ruby's outlook was sparse. Ask for little. Place no strain on Arby's finances. Rita was a spendthrift. She embraced the finer things but happy to pay. Arby delighted in both arrangements. Not so the Twins.
Each conspired for the diminutive Arby's exclusive affection. Far from easy, given they were conjoined at the cerebral cortex. No thought was private.
"Over my dead body!"
"That can be arranged!"
---------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
(NOTE: Ruby and Rita Deviant, conjoined twins, made their debut in Episode 9)
Where I'd be throwing in colons and semis, you use new sentences - which works in short episodes like this. I am enthralled by these glimpses into the world you have built ... but are people who share a brain actually twins?
DeleteThat said - love the rivalry.
Deliciously twisted and wonderfully written - great stuff!
DeleteThe greater nightmare is what they daily endure, no matter that you tell it lightly. And so tightly I failed to note the prompts.
DeleteI would say they are twins, they're always referred to as conjoined twins when a big operation is undertaken to separate them, I do believe. This episode carries a lot of menace unspoken but so very much there.
DeleteYes, identical as it happens as the zygote divides.
DeleteAs for the story, I felt sympathy as neither could ever be alone and Rita seems condemned to a life of tortured berating. Well coveyed in a few words.
Cripplegate Junction/Part 92-Recipe For Disaster
ReplyDeleteSternly reprimanded by the Station Master for being a spendthrift, Violet wept for hours. After drying her eyes, she modified her baking rubric. Determined to regain approval, she fretted over how to be more frugal and began with the Bakewell Tart, a staff favourite at the Sanitarium.
Violet replaced the almond-flavoured fondant and glacé cherry with a sprinkling of confectioners' sugar...and a sparse sprinkling at that. She never knew who came every tea time to collect the tray. They always seemed to arrive when she was busy elsewhere.
However, she did know one thing.
Matron would not be pleased.
--------------------------------------------------------
To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
---------------------------------------------------------
A delectation in itself, it leaves the reader hungry for what comes next, while pondering whether - with the replacement of marzipan and cherry - the confection still rates as a Bakewell.
DeleteI did get an unfortunate echo of Kenneth Williams with the last line, though. My fault for watching the Carry On films at all.
I think the use of a definite article would short-circuit that inclination: The matron...
I'm really enjoying this continuing story - the characters are fascinating and your use of phrase is wonderful.
DeletePoor Violet, forced to economise on a Bakewell tart. This serial is an unending delight, keenly anticipated every week.
DeleteI felt a slight stiffness in these sentences, the ones starting Sternly and Determined. instances of where I would turn the sentences back to front and make those words part of, rather than the start. I am with Perry on The Matron bit as well, again, too many Carry On films... but a delight for all that.
DeleteThe 'thief' I think, is the station master. Nor bein a spendthrift on ingrediants doesn't mean she isn't an excellent cook...or story writer.
DeleteI have been waiting all week for Himself to arrive. He just walked in, 20 past 6 on the 19th April, for the record, Mr Da Vinci, I could do with a little more cooperation here... (muffled laughter heard off stage, as it were.)
ReplyDeleteThis is what I was given -
The Mad Italian
I am.
I am the rubric. I am the great name, leading light of the Illuminati, writer, artist, inventor, everyone knows of me, no one knows me. Personal details are sparse, and yet… spendthrifts abound who throw my name and reputation to the wind regardless of how I feel. I mean… that book… that theory, that nonsense…
I am long dead but living, by the way, enjoying life in a way I could never do when on your side of the veil. The things I can tell you…
I am Leonardo Da Vinci. Let the fun begin.
Oh, how clever - you'll be able to go anywhere with impunity!
DeleteGallileo Figaro...magnifico
Deletenice intro - and now? the audience awaits
DeleteAha, in at the beginning of a series at last. I love this guy so far. I like how Da Vinci is aware of us readers.
DeleteHow I do look forward to this series and what fascinating stories are sure to be produced. I was wondering, apart from Antonia's "Infinity," has any other serialization reached a conclusion here? I'm not talking about one that may have simply been abandoned, but one that ended with a satisfactory final chapter?
DeleteTwo of my serials were completed, Patricia. The Blacksmith's Wife' became an illustrated novella. (I reached 41 episodes and was fearful of boring everyone). And the sequel 'From Rhodes reached 58.
DeleteBoth can be read on my blog and the former is available to buy from Lulu, but having coloured illustrations it is quite expensive.
I'm assuming that was ... unfortunately ... before my time. However, I must visit your blog and indulge myself when I get sufficient free time to thoroughly enjoy the experience.
DeleteI'm posting this in the parking lot at work. It's a revised version to eliminate the confusion. A acquaintance in another FB. group suggested that I revise it. I think I create the confusion, unintentionally by trying to put too much in. So, since a few removed and reposted due to a misuse of a prompt, I offer this revised story. I'll be very interested in if I actually did make a very noticeable improvement, as I, and the acquaintance think.
ReplyDeleteTriangle Repartee 3.1
“I’m Ametrine Knorr and this is for Aesculapius. Will we conquer death?”
“Death makes man fearful and that makes men greater, spendthrift even. The man has always created singular men as heroes. That’s because they believe if the individual lives, so does the group. You see, when man defines death, he’s also defined life. That’s the rubric in need of change. Ametrine, men will never live forever, but they can live longer. Man might be able to live forever. The Greeks tried, is the modern man better than the Greeks?”
It is certainly more focused.
DeleteThis is certainly engaging, though the author of the second piece of dialogue needs to be identified - or at least separated - earlier.
DeleteI cannot see the prompt "sparse" - either because it is excellently camouflaged or not there. I hope it's the former.
There is also confusion with the stipulated contradiction within the second paragraph. "Ametrine, men will never live forever [...] Man might be able to live forever." Which is it? Or is the speaker him/herself pondering?
I am intrigued, but feeling a bit foggy.
I would echo the comments of both Sandra and Perry here. I think the key is to give your tales a little time to "brew" before posting. I believe most of us revisit a piece before eventual uploading most of the time. A bit of a distance often does wonders. That having been said, I admire your constant striving for improvement.
DeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #73
ReplyDeleteWatch Your Step
My idiotic charges have never traveled in sparse carriages. They’ll get used to it at some point. This railroad is cursed with a spendthrift for a manager. He’s traded the perfectly serviceable mahogany and plush velvets for metal and cotton, still well padded, but much easier to clean. This railroad exactly follows my rubric for an ideal railroad, except for the occasional-Bears! Again? Great.
I like the attitude of your MC. I'm not familiar with your series so I wasn't sure about the occasional-Bears, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Great writing.
DeleteAn excellent narrative story. Read it three times.
DeleteAlways whimsical. Always unique. And always a thoroughly enjoyable read.
DeleteSuperb opening, your voice enviably unique, and an ending that leaves the reader hungry for more.
DeleteGood Advice
ReplyDelete"Fadder O'Hanrahan at da Boy's School always had some kinda advice when we was in a bad sitchyashun."
"Oh, yeah? Like what."
"He always said stuff like, 'Let the Golden Rul e be your rubric' and 'Not a spendthrift nor borrower nor a lender be' and stuff. We hadda memorize 'em."
"Is dat gonna help us with dis problem here?"
"Umm, no."
"Okay, den, we gotta choose - river or swamp."
"Grass is kinda sparse in the swamp this time a year. I think river."
"Okay. You get his legs, and make sure he don't drip any on the carpet."
Reminded me of that Geico commercial were the thieves are talking about a sweede sofa.
DeleteA most enjoyable story with excellent prompt use:
As with so many of your submissions, I had to stifle a chuckle at the content. There is always so much humour...albeit on the dark side. And that dialogue was a joy to read.
DeleteAnd another strong voice, but this one I know, from reading your blog, one of many. This episode especially well-set up, the ending perfectly disguised.
DeleteA casual conversation among thugs, at least that's how I see it. Very enjoyable sitchyashun.
ReplyDeleteThis is supposed to be up there with Bill.
Delete