In truth, for me, Jane Austen’s ‘Pride
and Prej’ is more comfort food than meat for me, a book I can pick up
and read with enjoyment any time, despite having read it countless times
before. Yet there are many, many writers who other folk rave about but whose
style of writing leaves me cold. So it is very good to see that within this
small but varied band of Prediction participants, each of us is
well-entertained, week after week, by the others, despite our variety of
voices. And for her conjuring up a ‘shy
shadow’ in this latest well-voiced instalment of her Captain’s tale, I declare
Antonia this week’s winner.
Words
for next week: orphan, pen, traipse
Entries
by midnight Thursday 20th October, new
words posted on Friday 21st
Change of focus [204]
ReplyDeleteJohn Pettinger’s second thought was that if this child ended up an orphan, as seemed the all-too-likely outcome of the next few days, he’d survive. His first had been a mental screech, such as was usually indicated by asterisks and exclamations.
Somehow Aleks had obtained legal passage on this flight; a swipe of a pen reallocated seats so they sat together. Fearing admonishment would destroy the still-flimsy rapport they’d so far constructed, Pettinger confined himself – albeit reluctantly – to interrogating Aleks about Valdeta’s situation.
Thus his heart was all the heavier, skin prickling, as they traipsed towards Khakbethia’s tiny airport terminal.
would that we could alter lives with a swipe of a pen... lovely line, tremendous image! And what... we ask ... will they find at the airport terminal...
DeletePettinger in a fatherly role has a very tender touch to it. There is some beautiful phrasing here: "mental screech" and "still-flimsy rapport" being but two examples.
Deletetoo many lovely things about this piece to pick just one, but as you insist. his heavy heart and skin prickling says so much about his feelings and his expectations. So many feelings in such few words , a grand job.
Deletethank you, Sandra! it was written with the utmost aggro going on, daughter broken up with partner (again) and it's hell...
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Antonia, last weeks instalment was a fine piece of epic proportions
DeleteWell, this week's winner came as absolutely no surprise at all. What a magnificent installment that was. And the creative bar continues to be raised.
ReplyDeleteForgot to say: "Congratulations, Antonia." (I was lost in admiration!)
ReplyDeleteCongrats Antonia! My second child arrived almost 2 weeks ago and I think I'm mentally getting to the point where I can try to participate again. Missed you all! :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Zaiure - and much admiration. Look forward to reading you whenever - your unique voice has been missed.
DeleteNice to see you once again, Zaiure and many congratulations. Boy or girl? Look forward very much to your return.
DeleteCongratulations Zaiure, and welcome back,
Deletemany congratulations, Zaiure, looking forward to news and more writing from you.
DeleteKursaal (Episode Forty Two) -- "Nellie Hubbard"
ReplyDeleteIn a forgotten corner of the Kursaal, Nellie Hubbard's "Playpen" stood dejected as an abandoned orphan. Originally intended to serve as a safe and happy haven for toddlers whose parents were off enjoying thrill rides, the "Playpen" never had managed to drum up business, despite its inviting sandbox, crawl tubes and Wendy houses.
Perhaps it was because Nellie's unfortunate appearance...pointy chin. warty nose and straggly hair...failed to inspire confidence, or maybe the fact she often traipsed around the park accompanied by a one-eyed black cat and dragging a broomstick had something to do with it.
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To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
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Yes ... I'd give this place a miss, for sure. I liked 'dejected as an abandoned orphan'.
DeleteI think I will soon stop with the character studies and start working on interactions and events instead. I do believe I probably have enough to work with!
DeleteI hope you have a spreadsheet - or at the least a cast list! The novel I have been writing since 2011 (now on its ninth re-write) has a cast of 30+, some of which insist on popping up in subsequent tales. Good luck!
DeleteI have something of a "characters in order of appearance" list. Each installment is not very lengthy, so I don't imagine pulling it together with be much of a task. Thank you for the good wishes, Sandra. I just feel as though the "Kursaal" has reached the point where it needs more substance and cohesion as opposed to simply a series of vignettes which must, by their very nature, become less interesting as time goes on.
DeleteBlogger's playing games tonight, I had to come out of it completely to get to reply to this, which had me laughing, love the image it conjured, poor helpless kids trying to pretend they're having fun with a real life witch wandering around... Great episode!
DeleteReminded me so much of a place I wanted my parents to let me play in while they did their boring shopping, but they never did. It came out in conversation Many years ago why they didn't Every parents nightmare. I hope I have said it before (if not shame on me), this concept that you have developed has more legs than a centipede and is brilliant in the short form, but these characters are bursting to get into a broader form. I could see this as a TV series rivalling "Stranger Things"
DeleteAwkward introduction [Threshold 135]
ReplyDeleteI’d assumed Ravenscar and his strange, estranged brothers – repulsive Toad; the calligraphic twins – to be orphans. Hence I failed to consider the possibility of this mystery woman being family. On arrival – at a stable – tired, stiff and blind to the hands that lifted me down, I stumbled before traipsing after Ravenscar, unwilling as a bull to the castration pen.
Her voice alerted me. Like his but round and warm as fresh-cooked scones. He stepped aside. Light betrayed my scowling face.
Sharply, ready to condemn, ‘Raven, what have you done?’
‘Nothing. This is –‘ Weary gesture towards me, ‘Meet my grandmother,’
Entrancing. This entire piece from beginning to end was a lesson in how to compose a stirring tale within a limited word allocation. Too many delightful phrases here to even try and enumerate, so I'll just encompass them all!
DeleteThank you Patricia - I confess it is one I was pleased with, not having a clue what would happen when I began.
Deletemore lessons in writing tight - and encompassing a whole range of subjects that in a full story would take up several thousand words. Clever and very well done.
DeleteA very tightly written piece. I read a couple of times if not thrice to observe the prompts. A grand piece of writing. Now to the tale. I love how the clear change of demeanour is evident in Ravenscar in the presence of his Grandmother, almost Sorry.
DeleteCripplegate Junction/Part 67-Vistas And Visions
ReplyDeleteClive Bailey peered around the door leading to the garden. In the center of an immaculate lawn, two young ladies played chess. A lone individual, forehead swathed in pristine bandages and wearing an army uniform, traipsed the perimeter of the terrace. Seemingly penned by an invisible barrier, he never swerved from his appointed patrol.
But, it was the figure at an upper storey window of the building that captured Clive's attention. There was something so very familiar about the features and the structure itself was an exact duplicate of the orphanage where Clive had lived until the age of eighteen.
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To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
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This a full-scale novel in its level of intrigue, and such cleverly inserted prompts so that they near-disappear. And just who is it in the window?
DeleteGood question. A person who seems to have been looking out that window for quite some time if the vintage photograph is to be believed.
Deletefascinating, many layers going on here.
Deleteintrigue in abundance here, cant wait for the next installment
DeleteChildren Of Andhaka
ReplyDeleteThey traipse the fringes of society. Misbegotten orphans whose sightless eyes have never seen the dawn. Their swords are mightier than their pens and they will suck the life from any innocent who crosses their path.
Literally.
And this as sharp-writ as the swords they carried. *Shudder*
Deletehow to write tight - in one easy lesson. You make it look easy, I know it isn't!
DeleteIn search of my genealogy I have traipsed many an orphanage, workhouse and graveyard, many have made me shudder, but this piece alone has chilled me to the bone and beyond the marrow. Good job.
DeleteThe Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #47
ReplyDeleteWriting on Deck
Sometimes I find orphaned stockings on the clothes line. I don’t know where their matches have gone. Maybe they’re off traipsing around the world on air currents, or visiting a new bird house in a far off land. Stockings aren’t usually an object of such contemplation but today there is nothing better to distract my pen from idleness. We are sailing along above the waves, just wandering. The sky is a brilliant pacific blue, no clouds in sight, our own little idyllic world for the day.
Lovely! And very restful
Deletehave to agree, very restful and tonight, much needed. Thanks, Rosie, lovely piece.
DeleteThis was truly magical. I love the notion of "orphaned stockings." Reminds me of those socks that always seem to go missing from the dryer. Perhaps there is an alternative reality where they all disappear to...along with the partner to that lone tennis show you always seem to see along the highway. My...what images this lovely piece has brought to my mind!
DeleteI can imagine the voice of Michael Rosen Narrating this blissful piece. I'm a fan.
DeleteThe day my muse let town
ReplyDeleteI stare blankly at an empty page on which nothing is ever written
My muse seems twice as shy though she was never bitten.
My mind is left to traipse the barren lands of my experience
It's lost and roaming with no help from outside interferience.
No orphaned opportunities are there to leak from mind to pen,
I'm syphoned of imagination and devoid of the wit of men.
This hellish block of creation leaves me nothing in the bank,
Even the unfinished verses each one of them stank.
The day my muse left town,
Both Sorrows and ability were drowned.
Oh, William, I reckon your Muse is flirting with you, telling you she's absent and you can't manage without her. She's going to be disappointed isn't she, since you've proved her very wrong. Especially enjoyed the second lines of both verses.
Deletewe are told to 'write anything' when the muse departs, you did and it's brilliant.
DeleteAnd we have all been there at one time or another, William. Brilliant rhyming, as always. And words to inspire the imagination, as always. I really don't know how you do it!
DeleteAbsence Makes the Heart
ReplyDeleteIt's rare to say that a kid from a rich family, brought up with every luxury, wanting nothing, would be better off as an orphan. But in Emilio's case I think it was true. He was like a tiger in a pen - no, not a tiger, because he was always the prey rather than the hunter. Maybe a rabbit, especially with how he liked to traipse around. But caged up that way, who knows what he would have been like if he'd been free? And if he'd had the one thing his family couldn't give him...
so much being said here, Bill, very deep and thoughtful piece.
DeleteDeep, yes, and disturbing, thanks to being expertly prompted to use our over-wrought imaginations.
DeleteSo many pieces to prod the imagination this week. I would love to know much more about Emilio. He is a fascinating character even thought we know next to nothing about him. The prompts here were virtually invisible.
DeleteA fine job there, with a hook to the unanswered, regarding what they couldn't provide.
DeleteInfinity 169
ReplyDeleteWe be sailing the high seas and I be spending time studying shadows. None have more than one. That one be like an orphan afraid of its own shadow, it clings so. I get strange looks from the crew as I traipse around the deck staring down. I have a pendant, been using it for divination. I ask ‘are we alone on Infinity?’ It says ‘no.’ I ask if what is here is natural, it says no. I want to ask the last question and be afraid to do it. Need to ask the Lord for strength. I havta know.
And this disturbing also, with the Captain so distressed by shadows and the answers from the pendant.
DeleteDisturbing indeed and with the Captain's nervousness, comes our own trepidation at possible future events. Love the idea of him using a pendant since he would seem to be the most unlikely of persons to rely on such. Again, yet another aspect to this complex depiction.
DeleteThe captain certainly has his hands full working alone. I have dallied with divination in the past, and sometimes things are not as they may tell you.
DeleteA disturbed captan indeed.
it's been the strangest of days. I've been battling the council over my resident's parking permit, which I returned when my car broke down (terminal) and asked them to issue me a new one for the replacement car. Nothing happened. I contacted them, oh we never received your permit, therefore we cannot issue another because it would mean there were two cars registered to the same address. I said I'd posted it first class. They denied receiving it. My daughter pointed out that if my car had caught fire, there would be no permit to return, then what would they do? the battle has gone on, with me paying for parking and shifting my car out of the car park at 8 AM to avoid paying any more and finding a space for it on a Sunday... tonight I picked up the email saying 'we have your permit, the new vehicle is now in the system... and your new permit will be in the post in a few days.' No apology for over £30 in parking tickets.
ReplyDeleteI have told Wightbay I can't afford their 'shop front' as the price is now too high and please cancel it forthwith. I have been supporting the local paper through the time their website was down, sending stacks of 2 line ads every week to bolster the Classified section. Tonight I get an email from the local paper, offering me a shop front, asking for photos, logo, information and items for sale, lots of them... if this is free, my world just transformed again. This is Happy Event 2 and 3. Happy Event 1 was Monday when I had the new (very old but super good engine) car serviced. I went to pay for that, the £100 outstanding from earlier bills on the car which died on me very dramatically, and the tow charge to bring the dead car back in from half across the island. They asked for £200. I said, 'what about the tow charge?' He looked at me and said 'what tow charge?, It's £200. That's all.' I took a tin of Heroes (chocolates, for non UK people!) and a thank you card in to them today. They have been heroes, I had their courtesy car for over three weeks while they battled to get my old Fiesta back on the road, almost managed it too, the final breakdown wasn't anything they did, it just collapsed on me. (at 32,000 miles only!) and said I could use the courtesy car until I found another one. They don't sell cars, no ulterior motives there. My business partner and friend of over 20 years, Shaun, bought me the replacement car. Happy Event 4, if you like! I'm fast running out of money but fast realising love of friends and consideration of others for this old lady is worth all the money I have ever had.
Certainly some uplifting events there, Antonia. Glad to hear about them. I know times have been trying for you of late.
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