Friday 10 February 2017

Elusive compulsion of an opening ...

The impact, the hooking, magnetic compulsion of a really excellent opening sentence is a concept we all know about. Choosing books, reading stories elsewhere this past week I have been both embarrassed and shocked  at the speed with which I discard the less enticing, being both unhooked and, dare I say, bored.

I thought I’d apply the same criteria to this week’s Prediction offerings, but (not unexpectedly) the great majority of this week’s bumper bundles were excellent, and I unable to pick a clear winner on that score.  

However, I doubt there’ll be much disagreement that AR Martin’s ‘rhapsody’ can be declared to have attained, even if by a whisker, the prime position, with too many others jostling for second place to call. I thank you all for a week of high quality and thoroughly entertaining reading, and for the ever-important acknowledgements to fellow writers that they have been so enjoyed.

Words for next week:  flux  jute  spoil

Entries by midnight Thursday 16th February, new words posted on Friday 17th

Usual rules: 100 words maximum (excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialised fiction is, as always, welcome. All variants and use of the words and stems are fine. Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever social media.

83 comments:

  1. Awesome story AR, congrats on winning.

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  2. STOP PRESS

    Just spotted this:

    http://www.crimefictionlover.com/2017/02/write-flash-fiction-for-500-a-pop/

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  3. congratulations, AR and thanks to all for the read. Apologies for the Captain missing being part of the happy crowd - last night we had FOUR power cuts, 1 - 2 minutes a time, enough to need the computer to restart. The local website said 1400 people were without power. Lucky us. Blogger was playing games too, I couldn't even leave a message for AR! To make things worse, I just went to scoop up the latest instalment and post it for you, to find that hadn't saved either... I just rewrote it. Please read on, or the next instalment won't fully make sense. The Captain never has been stand alone, even if he, in this life, was a man who did stand alone against the laws of the sea, one of the greatest pirates who ever lived. He just said that, I didn't...

    185.
    Infinity 185.

    Well, here I be, the lone sanguine survivor of the latest docking. The crew surged ashore and found the first grog hut and woman they could and there they stayed. I wandered the town, such as it was, and saw the cabin boy splayed out on a bench, gone, lost to me. It was then I knew it were the best thing the crew and I parted company. A new batch of men won’t know about the Creature in the hold, won’t know from time to time the Creature demands an offering…
    I have new men. I have a destination.

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    Replies
    1. You are correct Antonia - it would have been a disaster to miss this excellent episode.

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    2. Ooohhh. A new beginning and a whole new bag o' adventures to be experienced. So glad you were finally able to get this posted. It would have been a shame for it to have gone missing. Now I can't wait for what follows!

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    3. Thank you for posting this gem. I do love the this dark and Lovecraftian series. The chaos(?) is always at the edge, shadowy and tantalizing.

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    4. Sorry about you troubles! Glad we got this installment. Possibilities have opened up for the Captain.

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  4. Thank you so much! What a pleasant Friday surprise.

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  5. Many congratulations AR. That was one little gem of a tale.

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  6. Thank you all for your kind words last week. I write based on these prompts from time to time, but rarely post here. I should share what I come up with more often. The encouragement mean the world to me.

    Here's my story for this week's prompt.

    bound

    Shall I spoil it, dear reader? The twist? The surprise ending you won’t see coming?

    Or shall I let you discover it for yourself.

    This is a tale in flux. Can you feel the fluidity? Like jute wound into rope, my words form the line that pulls you in deeper.

    You’re bound to me, even now. You just don’t know it.

    But you will.

    Sitting there, comfortable, perusing my words, I doubt you’ll even feel it.

    The blade kissing your neck. The quick flick. The gush.

    Shall I tell you how this ends? Or let you discover it for yourself?

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    1. What a gorgeous piece of writing to wake up to! This feels like the definitive version of the prompt words - so smooth and perfectly formed - yet I have no doubt there are others to follow.
      Yes, please, you ought to share - we deserve and desire to read it.

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    2. Another very subtle yet enthralling piece. Very good use of the prompts.

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    3. Love how the narrator addresses the reader. Had a bit of theater to it. It is fluid and enthralling and frightening, all in one.

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    4. sense of evil, of sheer nastiness, coming from this, that's not easy to do. Brilliant.

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    5. This was magnificent...creepy, but magnificent. I felt the need to glance over my shoulder several times. Great use of the prompts. I didn't even notice they were there.

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    6. Oooh. What a wicked little taunt. I love it.

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  7. Torch Wood Dinner: Jamie’s Meal #2

    Where the hell am I?

    I’m wearing only a silk shirt. The chocolate sauce looks palatable, though my stomach is in flux. I force down a mouthful, followed by some wine. The pubescent caterwauling wins. My stomach’s spoiled contents, empty onto the floor, looking like pulped jute.

    “Come, she awaits your pleasure.”

    I take the feather.

    “She is but a girl.”

    “She’s bleed and is a woman,” said Constance.

    Alphonse is impatient with me.

    I run the feather up one side, across her neck and down the other side.

    She quivers and gasps.

    I shiver as I realize…that was enjoyable!

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    1. 'Stomach in flux' - what an excellent use of the prompt.

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    2. It was a gross line haha, but I liked the phrasing of his stomach emptying onto the floor 'like pulped jute'.

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    3. "Pulped jute." I hope I never expel such a substance. I like to image of "pubescent caterwauling" and as Antonia pointed out, very clever use of the prompt words.

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  8. Torch Wood Dinner: Mike’s Meal #2

    “Please, call me Pamela. Would you name a drink after me?”

    My thoughts are in flux, what should I say?

    Pamela, I’ve just met you. I need to spend some time with you first.”

    “Prince Aly, Rita’s friend and I are going for a walk on the beach, to enjoy the moon.”

    She grabs a jute wrapped champagne bottle, entwining her arm in mine, while we walk.

    This rich lovely lady spoiled me for an hour. Back at the party, I make her that drink.

    “Your drink Pamela is called Sex on the Beach.”

    They all clapped and wanted one.

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    Replies
    1. A good alternative use of 'spoil'.

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    2. good little continuation, be interested to see where this is going.

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    3. Fascinating how this story is playing out with many different scenes. I also liked your use of spoil.

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    4. Intriguing continuation. This serialization certainly tantalizes. What on earth will come next? Guess we'll have to wait a few days to find out!

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  9. The Dealer

    No accounting for what people like to collect. Some are in a constant state of flux, desiring first one thing and then another. I don't question or judge. I'm a supplier not a critic and far be it from me to spoil their enjoyment. That would be bad for business.

    My specialty is body parts.

    The jute bag to carry them in is extra.

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    1. Superb! You are enviably skilled at these final punchlines, following a deceptively laconic introduction.

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    2. I read this during the week, (it's been too stupidly frantic to come and comment before now) on a night when someone sent me some flash fiction, taking around 500 words to say much the same thing. I didn't accept it. This is so sharp, so laid back, so nonchalant, it knocked the other one clean out of the ballgame.

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    3. An excellent example of a final line that's humorous and dark. Loved the idea of this macabre character.

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    4. The punch at the end of this made me laugh. I'd love to read more about this character.

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    5. Very nicely done. Quick, tidy and dark. I like it.

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  10. You gave a macabre story very light heart. The jute bag is extra, great line.

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  11. Change of focus [222]

    Another sleepless night beneath a duvet of thorn-impregnated jute atop a flintstone mattress. For a man who’d knowingly been a father for only weeks John Pettinger’s missing of Aleks could be deemed disproportionate, exacerbated as it was by attempts at justification for his abandonment fluxing between confidence in Valdeta’s mothering abilities (new-born child, hostile environment, husband-killer) and awareness of the complications a nine-year-old would add to his own life.

    It wasn’t that he feared Aleks would spoil his bachelor existence so much as the complexity of child-care and the demands of his job: ‘A nasty murder, John. Nastier than usual.’

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    1. I chuckled a little as Pettinger was slightly comparing himself to Valdeta and Valdeta to him. I enjoyed that so much I missed the prompts.

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    2. it works on many levels, drawing us in and then throwing that last line at us.

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    3. Beautifully vivid phrasing in that first line about the mattress. It is fun to see Pettinger deal with fatherhood now.

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    4. Pettinger's fears and expectations regarding the raising of a son are expertly portrayed. I do believe the child has gotten under his skin now. I can't see him leaving Aleks behind, to be honest. Great job of drawing the reader into the scenario being played out.

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  12. Post non-coitus [Threshold 151]

    Cathra*’s questing nose had not only spoiled our pleasure but spread more than mucus across our naked skin. Arising, thwarted, Raven wrapped then carried his grandmother’s body downstairs, shrouded in jute sacking, I volunteered to clean the bathroom.

    Too soon for Raven’s return the door was pushed open.
    Raven’s grandmother’s – well, what was he? Secretary? Companion? Raven thought more than the spoilt toy-boy I had named him. Suspicions of financial shenanigans abounded.
    He looked at the now near-black stains I was attempting, with a nail brush, to scrub. Lip-curled and sneering: ‘Which bitch has the bloody flux? You or Cathra?’

    [* - apology, I mis-named Cathra, Irish wolfhound, last week]

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    1. A very enjoyable serial, especially the double entendre use of bitch. Well done.

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    2. developing fast by the week into something much darker than it was at the start and that's saying something!

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    3. This new character (at least, I'm assuming he is new since I don't recall his appearance prior to this) adds yet another dimension to the story. Sound like something of an unsavory person. I think the "lip-curled and sneering" added much to that assumption. "Which bitch has the bloody flux?" is a line to remember.

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    4. A strong final line, and a thoroughly unpleasant (but intriguing) character. Loving how this story continues to unfold.

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  13. Cripplegate Junction/Part 83-The Cripplegate Connection

    "Want to play?" asked Christopher.

    "Indulge the boy," urged the Station Master. "Don't be a spoilsport!"

    "I have no marbles."

    The Station Master rattled a moss green jute pouch.

    "These are yours. The little sack has your initials."

    Clive Bailey recoiled from the influx of memories.

    "The little sack has your initials," said Clive's father. "Mother embroidered them even though she has not been herself of late. You can thank her when she is better."

    "Ready, Mr. Bailey?" asked the doctor. "The sanitarium orderlies will meet us at Cripplegate Junction."

    Clive took the pouch.

    "So," persisted Christopher. "Want to play?"

    --------------------------------------------------------
    To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit:
    http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
    A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
    ---------------------------------------------------------

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    1. Awesome! I didn't catch the flashback until my third read. I caught how you used flux and missed the scene. Very well done.

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    2. A cleverly constructed, disturbingly disconcerting flashback. You are very adept at seizing the prompt words and runnung with them, to somewhere near-perfect.

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    3. a clever instalment, scattering clues for us to pick up in future episodes.

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    4. Love the phrasing 'Clive Bailey recoiled from the influx of memories'.

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  14. Kursaal (Episode Fifty Eight) -- "Fata Morgana"

    "The Kursaal, with its flux of visitors, represents an intriguing ever-changing transition, wouldn't you say?" asked Isabella la Gaya.

    A simple man, the question bewildered Chief Constable Twittering.

    "Out there, all is commonplace. Dull and coarse as jute threads," explained Isabella "But in here, everything is remarkable. A smorgasbord of fancy and mulberry silk. The turnstile is the passage between two worlds. From the mundane to the extraordinary, provided one is careful not to spoil the illusion."

    She patted his hand. Her beryl ring sparked carmine red in the sun.

    "You do see that, don't you?"

    --------------------------------------------------------
    To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale, please visit:
    http://www.novareinna.com/kursaal.html
    A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
    ---------------------------------------------------------


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    1. It's all done with words isn't it? Such well-chosen ones, of which 'mulberry silk' are two of the best. And what a fascinating character is Isabella!

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    2. A very enjoying romp, so please don't spoil the illusion.

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    3. it's smoke and mirrors but this time done with silk and glitter, and beautifully depicted, too.

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    5. Love the look beneath the curtain of the ever entrancing Kursaal. Isabella's explanation was deliciously vivid, and I loved the imagery of her ring sparking in the sun.

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  15. Jeffrey here trying to post at lunch

    Romance

    Is romance a wonderful thing?
    It relaxes the spirit and awakens the heart.
    Did it drive the Jutes to make a new home, in Kent?
    Is jealousy its cousin or the offspring of a spoiled heart?
    What is its value?
    Does it have a price?
    Do the lonesome or married deam of it more?
    To some it's greater than love
    and others a means to an end.
    Many, who have such, understand not what they possess.
    The power to create, the power to drive
    To become a slave of your heart
    So you can join with another.

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    1. Ah, romance! There's the question - and neatly posed here.

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    2. very deep questions in this piece, which I doubt any of us could answer with true honesty. That says a lot!

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    3. Deep questions indeed. Apt title too. This is so very different from anything else here. It's nice to have variety.

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  16. From the Humber

    I did not plan to spoil your homecoming but word came yesterday the Caroline had been early-sighted off Spurn Point. Within the hour I shall make my way to the high point of your land. From fields still corduroy-ploughed and hawthorn salt-scoured from winter black to jute I shall watch for you, before returning home to await you.

    For a man returned from a thirteen-month voyage should not be publicly greeted by an eight-months-gone wife. I know your flensing knife will peel me as the flux is peeled from wire, will release copper-stinking blood and expose the bastard babe beneath.

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    1. For me, this created a vision involving a wind-swept hilltop overlooking a sea and a woman dressed in bonnet and full-length skirt. I had to read this more than once in order to fully grasp the implication...that it was the mother-to-be who would wield the knife. To echo Antonio, "Brilliant."

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  17. An enjoyable story, might be about revenge. I did so like he line "From fields still corduroy-ploughed and hawthorn salt-scoured from winter black to jute..."

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    1. it seems to be a theme this week, understated entries saying so much more than is actually there, images that won't go away. Brilliant.

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  18. Collared

    He binds my wrists with jute rope, his fingers leaving streaks of red, as he unknowingly paints with blood that is not my own.

    Pitch-dark eyes stare at my face, like a merchant appraising fruit soon to spoil. I bare my filed teeth, watch him flinch.

    He sees the wolf now, not a girl to pity, even as he puts the collar ‘round my throat. He pushes me into the flux of collared women, hastily grabs his coin, but he can’t escape my eyes. Can’t escape the promise that leaves my lips and splatters in the dirt.

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    1. As for stunning opening sentences, this one will take some beating, too! I so love your writing, and learn from it. A wonderfully sensuous scene.

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    2. Always a treat to read what comes from your warped (meant in the most flattering way) imagination. Love that "fruit soon to spoil" phrase. This begs at least a sequel.

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    3. There's a lot here. I really like the way you make every word count. Excellent piece.

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  19. Your ability to paint the scene that my mind saw while reading was gratifying. Her reaction is hatred but I'd be curious to know why. Betrayal, being sold or other.

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    1. as usual with your writing, there is so much going on behind the words, which in themselves are vivid and spell binding.

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  20. Alley Cats

    "Jute sack, that's a bad choice."

    He looked up with a shock. "Hey, mister, didn't see ya there, uh, what wazzat?"

    I ground out my smoke. "That sack. It's a bad choice. Blood will soak right through. Spoil your nice suit."

    He was flustered, a simple man for a simple job, unprepared to be dealing with a situation in flux. He tried to stand, reached for the sawed-off shotgun that I'd already picked up. "Also, this lupara is much too noisy. You'd bring everybody running." On the other hand, applying the butt to his head was both effective and quiet.

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    1. there's sharp writing, two people delineated in a few words and a violent situation, too! Good one, Bill.

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    2. And another who never fails to speedily, vividly transport me to some place else. Excellent Bill.

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    3. Jeffrey here:

      All I could think off was Jack the Ripper watching what unfolded, shaking his head while thinking What an amateur

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    4. You always bring such atmosphere to the words that I can't help but envision what I believe is known as film noir. I know I shouldn't have chuckled at that last line, but I was unable to help myself.

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    5. I agree, total film noir feel. Also, I probably shouldn't be cheering this guy on but I kind of like him.

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    6. Wow. Love it. Very nicely done.

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  21. Infinity 186
    There has been naught to be troublesome but the flux someone brought on board and decimated the crew for a few days. I laid on my bunk for two days and wished to die. I let Infinity ride the sea by herself.
    It be the hand of God, can any disbelieve it, that we drifted into the subsiding bow waves of a merchantmen? It took but that word to set the crew to work, to haul the sails aloft with the new jute ropes and to shout directions to the first spoils of piracy they’d been fortunate enough to find.

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    1. A brilliant sense of 'And we're off!!' on another adventure. I suspected (belatedly) the prompt words would be ideal for you seafarong folk.

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    2. Jeffrey here:

      Love the name of the ship, Infinity. An excellent begining and expression of good fortune for the pirates.

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    3. The initial lull broke into a hubbub of excitement there at the end. The Infinity would have a mind of its own perhaps in managing to locate a merchantmen. I'm with Sandra in that the prompt words were custom made for a seafaring story, but that doesn't mean they would be easy to manipulate...something you never have any trouble with apparently.

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  22. I am very late with posting this week, someday I'll be on time again I hope.

    The Adventures of Rosebud, Pirate Princess #64
    Bureaucratic Arguments


    The jute trade of the seven nations is not going so well right now. I was at the main market yesterday and there was no one in sight. I’m guessing the Land of Storm and the Land of Fire have threatened to raid it again. Unfortunately the ownership of the market is in perpetual flux so it has no real protections. I almost wish someone would claim it as a spoil of war just so people could visit without terror.

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    1. The pity of your being late is that fewer folk get the chance to read your most wonderful episodes. This is no exception, and while retaining its usual clarity of perception, seems to me to also carry some more grown-up concerns. Loved it.

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  23. Jeffrey here;

    A belated but enjoyable read to your snippet. I enjoyed the barren market and its reason. A nice addition.

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