Friday 9 October 2015

Rule-breaking makes for entertainment

It has to be said that honing one’s craft as a writer changes and occasionally reduces one’s enjoyment of reading. I’ve just finished Stuart MacBride’s ninth in his detective series. High-paced, humorous and thoroughly entertaining, I couldn't help notice how much in the way of superfluous to plot anecdote and information was included. At total variance to what we do here, but good to know it can be “allowed” if that’s what we want t do. And, hard though it is, and aware of my lack of academic knowledge as I am, I still feel it a privilege to read these submissions and choose what I consider, often using different criteria each week, to be the “winner”.   This week, partly for the pleasure of reading her distinctive voice again, but also because it was such a mentally stunning read, I unhesitatingly pick Zaiure, but thank you all for both writing and commenting.

Words for the coming week are: detonate verdict wraith

Entries by midnight Thursday October 15th , new words and winners posted on Friday 16th


Usual rules: 100 words maximum (excluding title) of flash fiction or poetry using all of the three words above in the genres of horror, fantasy, science fiction or noir. Serialized fiction is, as always, welcome. All variants and use of the words and stems are fine. Feel free to post links to your stories on Twitter or Facebook or whichever social media best pleases you and, if you like, remind your friends that we are open to new and returning writers.

47 comments:

  1. Many congratulations to Zaiure for a magnificent and well-deserved win. It was an exceptional piece. Very diverse selection of prompts this week. This is going to take some figuring out...!!!

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    1. I have every confidence in you, Patricia!

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    2. It's always fun to see what random words pop up. :)

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  2. Snuff
    (50 Words)

    The decision was relatively easy. It was not the first time such a verdict had been reached and would probably not be the last. The inhabitants were little more than wraiths now anyway. Next time, perhaps he should devote longer than the customary six days to perfect his creation.

    "Detonate!"


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    1. Yikes!! Short, sharp and bloody horrifying!!

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    2. Very intriguing world; loved the bit at the end about 6 days and the shocking end.

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    3. Wow, that packed a punch! You managed to touch nerves in half the allowable words.

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    4. terrific! loved it. An example of what can be done with limited words, wish my authors would all come here and learn by example.

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  3. Change of focus [148]

    Medics arrived. The injured took priority over allocating responsibility for the detonation. Soberly, Pettinger named the dead, aided the damaged; the last to leave a blanket-shrouded, blonde-turned-to-grey wraith.
    ‘Total bodies?’
    ‘Six, with these. More likely.’
    ‘Piss poor verdict on our so-called security. Presumably their target got away?’
    Eyebrows raised at his naïvety, they left.
    Alone, Pettinger went to stand beside Vanessa. ‘You gave permission, didn’t you? So who the hell was it?’
    Muffled, admitting guilt. ‘Dave Divine.’
    ‘Jack’s brother?’
    ‘Said if I didn’t, Zak’d die.’
    Zak the son Vanessa had with Jack.
    ‘So, six died to save your bastard four-year-old?’

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    1. Not that I'm saying you should, but if you want to catch up, the tale of Vanessa and Jack Divine is told in episodes 63-72 at http://sandra-linesofcommunication.blogspot.co.uk/p/a-change-of-focus.html

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    2. This was a lovely piece. You always mange to create such atmosphere with your writing. I will definitely have to check out that link. I am anxious to know more.

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    3. Love your use of names, like 'Dave Divine'. Great, succinct phrasing throughout.

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    4. Oh, that last line sounded so cruel! What's a mother to do?

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    5. excellent instalment, brilliant use of the prompts, as always. When you have to search for them, you realise how well they're buried.

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  4. Thank you! Glad to have played last week. :) Recently moved, so getting my footing again with baby wrangling, setting up house, and writing time.

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  5. Cripplegate Junction/Part 16-Train Of Thoughts
    (99 Words)

    In the manner of a lavender wraith, Miss Constance moved toward the door of the Canteen. The tension was akin to that of an unexploded butterfly bomb and she did not care to be present during detonation. Her brisk bootheels tapped along the platform. On silent paws, Marmalade followed.

    From the window of her First Class carriage, the Grand Dame watched the Conductor leave "Lost and Found," his expression enigmatic. She consulted the ornate watch pinned to her ample bosom and tutted. The sleeping boy was becoming restless and news of the verdict really should have reached her by now.


    ---------------------------------------------------------
    To read the earlier installments (a suggestion only) which led to this point in the tale please visit: http://www.novareinna.com/cripplegate.html
    A link to return to "The Prediction" can be found on the site. Thank you.
    ---------------------------------------------------------

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    1. "The tension was akin to that of an unexploded butterfly bomb" - delicious! And the brisk bootheels and Marmalade's silent paws. You are so good at creating slow-burn, and elegant tension.

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    2. I really like the way this tale is set up, and the tone of the writing. Wonderful job. The site is simple, and yet has an elegance.

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    3. Loved all the beautiful phrasing packed into the first paragraph! "Lavender wraith" and "unexploded butterfly bomb" were delightfully colorful, and I have to agree with Sandra, that you do create 'elegant tension' very well.

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    4. colours, easy as falling asleep writing, if you know what I mean, but it carries the undercurrent of menace in every way.

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  6. Review [Threshold 84]

    In the moments of his waking; registering my body spooned into his, there was a hand’s breadth of a caress. A cock-surge of appreciation. Sufficient for me to declare a successful verdict from my (mostly) unintended challenge. To shield me from the detonation of angry words he then let fly.
    Which he recognised.
    Turned instead to practicalities. ‘Food?’
    ‘There’s some meat –‘ I studied him. Never wraith-like, yet three month’s exile had reduced his bulk.
    He, chewing, thinking, swallowing. Planning: ‘It’s time to fight back.‘
    ‘But –‘
    ‘A week to heal, then I gather men. Regain my land.’
    And me?

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    1. And me? Excellent reaction. The world keeps turning - big plans in the making... And me? This is marvelous.

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    2. I agree with Michael. That "And me?" just resounds in the mind and creates a wormhole that simply worries away until it gets an answer. I trust the answer won't be long in coming? You tie these installments together so seamlessly that it's difficult not to believe that you know what prompts are coming and have the entire story plotted out already. I know...I know....that's not how it is and it's only pure envy talking! Walks away muttering:::::::

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    3. been there, Patricia, that muttering - how does she do it? So, how do you do it, Sandra??

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  7. The Immortal 12

    More surprised stares followed me on my way home. The lab coat exposed my hairy legs and shoeless feet. The embarrassment triggering an internal bomb that once detonated would have had me lash out at whoever dared make some snide comment.

    Glad that no one had said anything to my face, I finally reached home. Changing into something comfortable, I took a deep breath before opening the Envelope. I wondered what kind of angel’s name it contained.

    I felt like some wretched wraith-like creature doing Death’s biddings. Whichever name was in the envelope, I already knew the verdict was death.

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    1. Superb threading of the prompts, Kai, and continuation, as ever, seamless; leaving us awaiting the next episode.

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    2. Sounds like a fantasy (in a high sense - angels and such), and then gets grounded, when Death is mentioned. Nice work.

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    3. This seems to go from the mundane to the sublime with such little effort. Normal everyday occurrences such as walking home for instance and changing into something more comfortable and then the comment of having to do Death's bidding. Wonderfully composed. And I see you still haven't revealed the name of the targeted angel....shame on you...!!!

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    4. again, smooth easy writing, enviable ease of carrying a storyline ever onward without revealing much.

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  8. "Look, just because he's big and noisy and you're tiny and silent, that doesn't make you superheroes."

    The big man scowled beneath his half-mask. "If I say so it does. You don't get to pass a verdict on us."

    A deep sigh, exasperated. "A judge will do that, unless you stop, Leonard."

    "I'm Detonate, dammit! And she's Wraith!"

    She watched, ever-quiet, face unreadable.

    "I'm sorry, I can't help you with this. It's just not..."

    His eyes widened as Wraith's blade emerged from his throat. A whisper in his ear, "It's okay, we don't really need you anyway."

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    1. Bill, you've come up with something TOTALLY unexpected, beautifully phrased and very entertaining - loved it.

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    2. Now this was different and I loved the unique take. Nice use of the prompts and like Sandra said, so very entertaining.

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    3. Like some of the others this week, you've delivered a tale that belies the seriousness of the situation until those last words. Woo-ee, this place is becoming hot with murder and mayhem.

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    4. murder and mayhem is good for me, especially right now -
      clever writing, liked it a lot.

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  9. "LIKE TRADING ON ONION FUTURES"
    The once large Smutz appeared a wraith of his former self sitting in an overstuffed chair. Dec knew he’d been invited to supply information on the man’s daughter, facts he knew but couldn’t share, and more, of which he’d not been fully apprised. Piecing together his own investigation, he asked, "Do you remember Charlie Dicer?"
    Smutz’s face grew red, as if he were about to detonate. "A rapscallion, who, receiving his due verdict, would be serving time instead of being free."
    So, he didn’t know and was only recalling the old animosity. Charlie had certainly made enemies in his time.

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    1. Firstly, thank you for the title which sent me to Wiki and taught me about something I knew nothing of. The fact that I don't fully understand it, nor its relevance to the tale you've so vividly alluded to here, doesn't spoil my enjoyment one jot.

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    2. In trying to paint the bigger picture, I thought of daubing some color on the sidelines, in the title, so I wouldn't intrude on my 100 words. Charlie's name was originally to be Charles Lilley but I didn't like the half-rhyme of -lie, -ly. However, he's still a rap-scallion, and the onion futures scandal and it's handling by the CFTC chronologically occurred at a convenient time for his story. You can bet he had a hand in some of that business.

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    3. beautifully crafted piece, with intrigue in every line.

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    4. Much like Sandra, I had to go in search of the title meaning and again like Sandra, I'm not sure I fully understand what it's all about but that takes nothing away from this cleverly crafted piece and what a wonderful word is "rapscallion." I really must find a way to use it somewhere, somehow, sometime.

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    5. I just know that someday one of us is going to win a trivia contest with the knowledge of the only commodity that can't be traded on the futures market, and then we'll have you to thank, Michael ;)

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  10. many congratulations Zaiure, brilliant as always. I had every intention of commenting all week, of being pro-active, of being on top of everything - then last Friday I walked in on my partner of 21 years and found him dead in his bed. I had an unfailing routine, feed his cats, make him coffee, wake him up. Did the first two and tried really hard to do the third but he had long gone in the night. So I've been distracted and distraught in turns. It's a week on now, seven whole mourning days and now I have to say, enough is enough, time for tears when the funeral eventually arrives (no PM yet, no certificate yet, no funeral date set yet) and meantime there's others to console and a shop to run and writing to do.
    The Cap'n won't stand for too much procrastination, here's his instalment for the week.

    Infinity 118.
    The only thing this here cap’n can say is, whatever the tricksy man did, damned Creature detonated itself Few heard it, mind, and thems as did passed the verdict they dreamed it, the wraith-like creatures it harboured flying past the portholes like the nothingness they were and all.
    So the Infinity is free – but methinks not for long. Nowt goes right for the Infinity on this voyage, so I be looking for the next problem, outside of being becalmed, that is. And that be a problem in itself, thems as did hear the Creature explode might start looking for us.

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    1. Oh, Antonia, I'm so very sorry for your shocking loss and the inevitable disruption to your already busy and demanding life - please do treat yourself with care.
      And the Captain briskly oblivious to your pain, in the relief of ridding himself of the Creature, but pessimistic as ever. Thank you for making time to post it.

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    2. Sorry for your loss. Writing can be a balm at times. Hoping your brain runs rampant with ideas and creates a bridge between "then" and "now" and when you finally take time to reflect, it is a little easier to do so.

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    3. The Creature is actually gone? I mean really gone? Say it isn't so. I had become rather fond of the beast and the manner in which it managed to torment our Captain but it seems as thought he already has found other subjects for his paranoia. As wonderful as always and smooth as aged whiskey...not that whiskey is my tipple. I always preferred vodka.

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  11. it wouldn't have felt right not contributing an instalment...for a short time it was a chance to forget. Thanks for the caring words. It's surprising how comforting it is.

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    1. I have already expressed my sympathies in another forum and can only reiterate the same here, Antonia. I am so glad you can find consolation by immersing yourself in your always stunning writing.

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    2. I just stepped in a moment ago, and was so, so sorry to hear about your loss. My deepest sympathies, Antonia.

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